Due to the fact that my father has never once in his life handled any financial responsibilities, I went ahead and drafted a Will, Revocable living trust and a DPOA along with documents explaining them so that he would understand. The reason I did this is that my mother and him got divorced in 2000, and the only will he has leaves everything to her. I drafted this in January, and he still has not even read through it, always making excuses like he doesn't understand it, I even offered to go over it with him, but he says he isn't in the mood every time.
I tried to explain to him he needs it done as I am the one taking care of him and no other family lives nearby so if he ends up in the hospital then Medicare will be making the decision to pull the plug and the family will not have any say.
Along with this, I have tried to tell him that otherwise everything has to go through probate, that is when he cuts me off and will not discuss it.
All I need is his agreement, I can print the final documents, and then a notary is willing to come to finish them. He prefers to spend his time on facebook though.
Gma found out that it was only $495 for the trust (semi-retired lawyer in their rural area does "flat rate" trusts), & had hers done too. Since her (obviously younger) daughter was doing it, it wasn't a death wish I guess. Before that she kept saying she didn't care, because she "would be dead anyhow". ARGH! At least she changed her mind before it was too late -- Aunt has DPOA now & is doing amazingly good job (though at risk to her own sanity in the beginning!).
Oh, and momhouseme -- you "seem to know" because you are looking, your sis isn't. You have DPOA with sis listed as second, right? (NOT "co-listed"). Per another thread on this site, maybe contact CC companies so that Mom's info can't be used by con artists to get credit cards in her name & charge them up.
Good luck to you. I have not been able to get my mother to do anything except put my brother on her financial power of attorney. She is heading for a brick wall and will want me to pick up the pieces when she hits it. I know first hand what having a stubborn and irresponsible parent is like. My best wishes go out to you.
Could you provide the links you used to draft these documents. I need both a will and a trust and cannot really afford an attorney right now. (got laid off). How do you know these documents you drafted are the right ones etc. I hear alot about legal zoom on line. thanks and good luck. Don't give up. Remember you are trying to do the right thing for your father. If there is a trust i don't think the estate goes through probate.
Does he have a friend in his age group that can tell him how terrible probate can be and explain that it's to his benefit if he designates a family member to be his health proxy if he can't make decisions? The way our system works, it's likely he'd be kept alive on machines until he's brain dead, unless he makes his wishes known in a legal document. Most people don't want this. Someone outside of the family may be able to get through to him. Often adult children just irritate the elder but a third party can help. If he doesn't have a close friend to do this, does he go to a church or synagogue?
Maybe the spiritual leader can help. How about his doctor? The only thing I can see is an outside party, because he'll just keep putting you off. I wish you luck. This is always hard.
Carol