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My father stopped driving a few months ago. He got cellulitis in his lower right leg. He’s been struggling with edema in that lower leg. At that time he started using a walker or cane (depends on his mood). He decided on his own to stop driving and gave me the keys to hold.


He just called this morning telling me he’s ready to drive again. We’ve gotten the edema under better control. I think it’s feeling better to him and now he maybe feels more confident to drive.



I told him I didn’t think it’s a good idea. Especially as I’d posted on here earlier today about him calling me a lot and people have commented that he may be having some short term memory loss.



He became pretty demanding and angry. He told me he misses his freedom to go to the store when he wants and misses his daily trip down the road to 7-11.



Getting someone’s DL taken away here is very difficult. I went through this with my FIL but he was not in any mental and physical capacity whatsoever to drive.

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The yanking of the drivers license is pointless if he still has access to a car. He has dementia and will do what he wants because he has no idea of the seriousness of his condition.

If he has a key fob, take out the battery. If you have to, disappear the car. Be the adult and don’t let a demented sick old man call the shots. Yes, it’s difficult but it is your responsibility.

You and he would be better off if he’d go to assisted living. They’ll have a car and driver to take him places, or maybe he’d make friends to go out with. He’s bored at home and you’re getting overwhelmed. Sooner rather than later, and good luck.
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You really have no power here to decide this matter and your father is still apparently competent in his own decisions. Sadly many stop driving after "the accident" and one can only hope they don't hurt others. Such was the case for my mom and my brother. You can discuss with your father, you can request he take a DMV test. You can TALK to the DMV about options; that's about all you can do.
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Hi dad, I am sorry, I am still looking for the keys.....

Not sure where they are at...

Set up an UBER account (like I have ever used UBER :/ ) VAN ACCESS.. if they have something like that in your area.

Retired fireman, my brother told me to pull mom's keys.. end of story.

My friend is 95 and feels she is not ready to give up driving.. I told her my brother's story... The old one is going to get the blame, even if they were not the ones who caused the accident.... Brother has been to too many of these accidents to see exactly what goes on.. Old folks are polite...oops, maybe it is my fault.
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I had a distant relative that had cognitive problems and hit a pedestrian with the car. The pedestrian lived. Her son moved from another state to help her and drive her. It is a big risk to let someone drive that has cognitive or other conditions that can make driving difficult.
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My FIL uses a walker . In my state it’s against the law to drive if you need to use a walker . We told him that and got rid of the car.
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If it were only a matter of the old git getting himself into a fatal crash, I’d say toss him the car keys and let him do whatever the Hell he wants! But, alas, there are others out there on the streets—mothers with little children, for example. You sound mighty waffly about dealing with this issue straight-up and summarily. Tell him his driving days are OVER, plug your ears when he starts to roar in protest, and tell him he can call an Uber any time he wants (on his dime, of course). Then leave the room.
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Starzyup Sep 2023
Exactly. If he wants to be reckless, who am I to stop him? He lives in an area where people are walking and bike riding. Not to mention other innocent people in their vehicles or the residents in the parking lot that are sometimes slow moving and not quick to react.
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Someone in my over-55 community shouldn’t have been driving and recently hit another car. No one is dead - yet.

Don’t let your dad be the next impaired driver to do so. He and you would have your hands full defending against charges of vehicular homicide. The law won’t care that he just recovered from an illness and decided he was ready to drive again.
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Maybe take a taxi or uber with him as a trial/experience. As his plan B. For if/when driving becomes too hard again.

Sometimes people get stuck in very black & white thinking eg if I can't drive, 'I'll be stuck at home all day, everyday' or 'I'll be dependant on family'. Or the ususal one 'I'll lose my independance!'

They may need to know about alternatives & try them out.

Take a taxi, or uber. Senior local area transport, if available.

While not as spontaneous as your own car, being able to book a ride IS still being independant.
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waytomisery Nov 2023
I hate the word “ independence” .
It’s the adult toddler equivalent to real toddler
“It’s mine “. 😡
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Talk to his Dr and see what he says. Maybe driving local will be OK.
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waytomisery Nov 2023
Doctors very often won’t help out with taking the car away , they leave that up to the family . A lot of primary docs even put road blocks up when you tell them a LO is having cognitive problems. They don’t want to put a label on these people . My FIL has dementia according to his MOCA. Tested 3 times . We still can’t get his primary that sees him in AL to put that on his list of diagnosis . She says FIL has to go to a neurologist first which FIL refuses . Everytime FIL lands in the hospital it creates a problem that this diagnosis is not there .
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Sell the car and get him an electric bike. Good for local trips and he can't hurt anybody but himself.
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