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But he still won't bathe and I dont know what to do. He has really bad dandruff, he keeps picking at his skin on his face and arms, and he doesn't take his meds as he should, so I have to make sure he does. Plus he won't wear clean clothes, and he sleeps just about the whole day. He has problems remembering things, like what day it is.

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Hummingbird, posters offer suggestions because they're trying to be helpful, not to be mocked. Please don't.
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That's so funny when people say..."Just take him to a Doctor to get a diagnosis" HA! My step-Dad will refuse. "Just order him a bath aide" HA! My step-Dad will not allow it to happen. "Just decorate the walker so he will want to use it" HA! Nope.

Sorry, just frustrated.
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Wow...Good reason not to want to get in shower walrus! There are lots of non soap products on the market...You could rinse off with a wet towel and those products. Goooood luck to you!! Mckesson has a lot of products.
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Okay, it's me...the Offender...again. I am on O2, 24/7. So I go into a shower with a cannula. I don't have a problem with showers, except EVERYTHING I do is a breathing struggle. That's why I am delinquent.
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When you are not in optimum health it is very easy not to make the effort to bathe, or change clothes. It can also be very tiring and you tell yourself you will do it tomorrow. It can also be much more difficult if you have become weak for any reason. A serious illness can take many months to recover from which many people do not understand. Add in dementia and you have the perfect storm. having an Aide come in may ease a lot of the embarrassment because they are seen as a professionals and can do things family members may not be able to accomplish. They also have plenty of experience so can get things done fast before the patient has time to object.
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Believe it or not, taking a shower is a monumental effort for someone with an energy problem that "sleeps all day". Skin problems sounds like he is not getting proper nutrients. Dehydration can make skin feel itchy and dry. Sometimes it's a reaction to the soap used to make clean sheets and clean underware. (making the dirty items more comfortable).
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Ritch1965: Yes, as others have kindly suggested on here, please DO get his PC doctor to order the home health aide. The male aide will come in and take care of your dad. We all know cleanliness is critical for a person's health, but a sick. demented mind does not. It is not worth your breath and blood pressure spiking to talk to your dad about it. He won't listen, but you already know that. The medical professional uses, to paraphrase, "now sir, we're going to get you all cleaned up and your hair as well so that you can eat your DELICIOUS dinner." Emphasize the DELICIOUS and see if it works like a charm!
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Not wanting to bathe orchange clothes is very common with dementia. I fought with my husband for two years while the doctor kept insisting it was unhealthy not to bathe. I knew that! Finally got a CNA to come in 5 days a week. What a godsend! She is able to get him in shower, shaved, etc. but if your father is living alone, he is quickly reaching the stage of needing 24/7 care. Look into assisted living or full time care taking. Good luck to you. It's a rough road ahead. Keep reaching out.
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Ritch1965: Your father needs the aide of a psychiatrist. While not wanting to bathe is a quite common topic on this forum, it is not normal. You may want to use a scare tactic on him about the picking of the skin--"dad, if you don't stop picking your skin, you're going to get melanoma." His response might already be written, e.g. "good, then I can die." But you'll think of a good comeback on that one! Have faith!
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Has your dad been diagnosed with dementia? My father hasn't used soap or shampoo in over two years. He gets in the shower and just wets himself each morning and puts on the same clothes that he will wear indefinitely for months unless I go in and replace the dirty ones while he's asleep with clean ones. He sleeps 20 hours a day. I finally figured out (on my own) that he has behavioral variant frontotemporal degeneration/dementia. I'm working on getting it officially diagnosed. You'll want to rule out that your dad has that.
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My relative would always say they were clean and did not need a bath.I would reply that they were right, they didn't smell or anything but that they weren't clean under the microscope. Sometimes a brief conversation about microbes and how they can hurt or heal you. With regard to the itching I don't know if they'd understand if you said that the cells were old and trying to go away and that bathing will help. Almond or grapeseed oil are great.grapeseed absorbs fast , isn't greasy and a little goes a long way.....Of course my relative passed unexpectedly one day within an hour of being bathed. While making arrangements, the funeral coordinator mentioned a charge for bathing, I informed them that the deceased had just been bathed by their CNA.He paused and said they still had to do it. I asked if it was because they weren't considered clean under the microscope, and the guy said, "well stated". I could hear someone dead getting in the last laugh on that one. Hope this helps some.
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It sounds like you may very well need help with this situation. Sometimes the smell will get so bad you just have to get some help and just put the person in the shower and actually clean them up. Nursing homes often find themselves in the same predicament of having to clean the person up themselves. This happened with my foster dad because the smell was so bad that other residents living in other apartments could smell him from a far off. It was mentioned that lack of cleanliness is not life-threatening, which is only true to a point and I'll explain why. My foster dad also refused to bays and I could never figure out why. Someone in his apartment building even came to me complaining about the smell coming from his downstairs apartment and they knew he wouldn't bathe because they said he stunk real bad. I told the person I already knew but I can't do nothing about it by myself because I don't have any help. I assured them that if I had the right help that he could just be put in the shower and cleaned up but since I don't have any help I can't do anything. This went on for quite a while until APS finally put him in a nursing home. I suspect he may not have showered for years and he eventually got pneumonia and some other respiratory infection twice and he was actually hospitalized both times. Pneumonia and other respiratory infections are life-threatening. Bacteria builds up and even spreads after a while. When dad was clean he didn't get sick, I noticed this. When a person stinks real bad it has a literally nauseating smell, and if you vomit too much even if that can be life-threatening as we all know. This is why filth is such a health hazard because it will make you and others around you very ill and you'll come to a point at some time where you just can't be around the person anymore
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I would look into a bath aid. If he is picking at his skin, has he created any wounds due to it? If he has, I'd be worried about an infection getting in there. Who knows how much build up of dirt, grit, grime and build of of bacteria on the skin.
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any pharmacy sells that medicated shampoo w/tar in it. this works really well for that really dry skin on seniors head! i had to shave my dad's head he has so much and scrub that scalp and let it sit for a couple of minutes.
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Just getting him aid in bathing might address that particular problem, but, often it's not just the hygiene issue. If it's due to dementia, there are other risks, such as mistaking his meds, leaving stove on, not paying bills, eating spoiled food, being vulnerable to exploitation, wandering, dangerous driving, etc. So, I'd get a medical diagnosis, just so you know what is causing this. As stated above, provide his doctor with a list of your observations before the appointment, so he knows what is going on.

Most people with dementia can't live alone after the early stages. Your profile does indicate that he lives in his own home, right? I'd observe how he is operating in that home, because he may not be able to manage their without daily assistance, depending on the level of the progression, if it is indeed dementia. If it isn't you can help get him treatment, for whatever is causing this cognitive decline.
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My father was the ssme way. I just let it go as long as i could, then bathroom issues made it necessary for assisted living. Try putting a basin of warm water with soap and cloth in front of him every morning until he takes advantage of it. Might work. Or once a week. Btw..my Dad loves where he is.
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The not wanting to bathe is common with some forms of Dementia as is the not wanting to put on clean clothes.
What I did with my husband, when he went to bed I would pick up his soiled clothes then put clean ones where he had neatly folded his soiled ones. When he got dressed in the morning I would take the PJ's and wash them.
Fortunately I never had a problem with him not wanting to shower. Later I did have to watch to see how well he was washing when it got to the point where he was not doing a good job I started helping him little by little.
Having someone come in to help your Dad bate is a great idea. Aides that do this have a "knack" at getting people to take a shower or a bath and making it more of a pleasant experience.
A few things you might want to try first.
If your Dad is scared he may slip while in the shower get him a shower chair or a bench. I got a used walker from a thrift store, cost about $2.99 and my husband stood holding the walker while I used the wash cloth and helped shower him. He was stable and there was no fear of him slipping. The shower walker stayed in the shower and when the shower was over he used the regular walker and stood by the sink holding on to the counter while I dried him he combed his hair.
We do have a walk in shower so there was no tub to step over so this might not be an option if you have a tub/shower. If that is the case a shower chair or bench is a better option.
Also the noise in the bathroom while the shower is going is loud, I turn the water off once I get him wet. then I just talk to him and tell him what I am doing. He loves the shower.
I had a PT tell me once that the head and trunk area are vulnerable places so start wetting the feet and legs then go to the side, up the torso then the head and trunk. This seems to work well.
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My mother also hates to take a shower. We do it once a week. In between we use bath cleaning washcloths to clean her. You can heat them in the microwave.
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Has your dad been diagnosed with dementia? It sounds like that is likely however some situations so mimic dementia. Try to get him to a doctor just for advice and a diagnosis. You can write the doctor a letter ahead of the appointment so that he or she is aware of your concerns. That helps the doctor plan for the appointment and makes it less likely that you will have to say disturbing things in front of your dad.

As others have suggested, a home health agency can send a person just for bathing. Daughters bathing fathers can sometimes be tricky and he may do better with a "nurse" (as the older generation often views these people) to help.

Lack of cleanliness itself isn't the issue - he won't die from that. It's the combination of issues that concerns me.

I hope that you can find some help.
Carol
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I believe this is very common--the fear of taking a shower. If he puts on sleep wear, take his dirty clothes and set out clean ones. There is a dry shampoo you can use on his hair without water. If he is not seeing a geriatric doctor or neurologist, I would suggest making an appointment with one. I'm thinking you will be needing more help in the future. Your local Agency on Aging should be a good resource. Best wishes!
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The lack of cleanliness is not life threatening, and easily addressed by a Home Health Aide. However, since he is probably a strong man, be cautious of possible physical aggression. Look up U-tube videos on bathing a bed-bound male patient, and make certain the Aide follows these procedures to assure dignity and respect. The Aide will understand the importance of building a rapport with him before she begins the actual bathing. He may need meds to relax him before being bathed if he is physically aggressive.

The skin picking is serious when he loses weight and becomes very thin. The loss of subcutaneous fat in the arms makes the skin very fragile. It actually can become as fragile as wet newspaper and tears very easily. Healing these tears is very difficult. Keep his fingernails cut very short. The Aide can help on this as part of bathing him. The skin damage can lead to blood infections called sepsis which are very dangerous.
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Call his doctor; ask the doctor to order some home care. You can hire a "bath aide", a person who specializes in giving elders baths, doing grooming, etc.
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