I'm just feeling overwhelmed and under-educated.

DLHM1939, thank goodness for Medicaid [different from Medicare]. Medicaid is paid for by the taxpayers with grants from the Federal governments. And each State has their own rules, regulations, and programs. Medicaid will pay for nursing home care for both your Mom and for your sister.

Set up an appointment with an Elder Care Attorney to discuss what should you and/or your parents do, if by chance your Dad should pass first. The Attorney will give you sound recommendations, and explain how Medicaid works for where you parents live, or will recommend an Elder Law Attorney for that area. It will be money well spent.

This is tough situation. Try to not worry too much about "burdening society"; Medicare and Medicaid exist to help people like your parents when the need arises.

I would encourage you to talk to your parents (esp your dad) about doing some legal advance planning. In particular, it would be good if your dad could designate you as his durable power of attorney for general affairs and for health. Your mom -- assuming she still has the mental capacity to designate a POA -- may want to designate your dad as POA with you as alternate.

Older parents are often reluctant to have these conversations and complete the paperwork, but believe me, you will save yourself headache down the line if you can get it done. It sometimes helps parents if you frame it as about your concern and desire to make sure you can help them, if a need arises.

There is a good book called 5 @ 55, written by elder law attorneys, which goes over the documents older adults should complete. You could try giving it -- or something similar -- to your dad and then having additional conversations.

Also a good idea to talk to an elder law attorney, but best to have several conversations with your parents first.

Good luck!

Do they have Medicare or Medicaid? Both would cover some form of home care if they need it. You just have to talk to their insurance company. That way if one goes, the other can still be taken care of.

I don't want to stereotype here, but aren't flight attendants as a group rather underpaid? I'm just wondering if the OP will have money to spend even on a very worthwhile appointment.

I agree it would be the right investment if at all possible. Just in case it isn't, and seeing as your stepfather is independent, perhaps you could do some online research and find out what social services and support are available in their area. You can gather names and contact numbers, and encourage your stepfather to reach out for help *before* he needs it, rather than after it's too late.

Above all, don't beat yourself up for things you can't possibly help. Your family has had more than its fair share of troubles, but that will only make it all the more important to your mother and stepfather that you're doing well. I know it's impossible not to worry, especially from so far away, and especially when you begin to get inklings that they're not necessarily giving you the full picture. I hope you'll be able to identify some good resources for them, and persuade your stepfather to use them.

If you're worried about how to pay for care for yourself, it sounds like you must not have any savings and you need to start cutting back on whatever spending habits you have outside of your immediate bills. If you wonder why so many people are always broke, a very large part of that reason is overspending and living large beyond your means. People often rack up debt they can't even pay and it drains savings or prevents you from building a savings. I recently saw some articles on this kind of thing and it was very surprising and eye-opening. I don't know your age, but you probably should've been thinking of your own care long ago and you probably should've been preparing for this long ago. I don't know if you have health insurance or you happen to be on Medicaid, I don't know. However, no matter your income, perhaps you can find areas to start cutting back on extra spending and maybe even selling some stuff on eBay to make some money to tuck away. Yes, as soon as you get money, chuck it away for a rainy day because you may one day need that money for your own care or your funeral. It would be wise right now to go to a funeral home you can trust and make a preneed and make sure your final wishes will be honored and carried out. As for your healthcare, it would be very smart to invest in some sort of health insurance even if you must get Medicaid. I wouldn't recommend a spend down, especially if you have limited money and you need all of your money to survive through the month.

If you have any regular subscriptions, you can save money by cutting them off. If you have TV service, you can drop any extra channels, just eliminate them altogether. If you can get by with just watching stuff on YouTube, you can just drop TV service altogether and save a ton of money.

What you also want to do, shop around for new vehicle insurance if you have a vehicle. As your vehicle ages, it's worth less and less so you shouldn't be paying high dollar coverage for an old vehicle. What you can also do is call your current insurance company and speak to a live agent and see what all in your policy you can cut costs on. Some agents may say you're already paying as low as legally possible, but there are some sections of your coverage where are you can reduce the coverage. Someone advised me to do the same thing because the person said I was overpaying on a bike. I was paying the same thing for full cover that they were paying on liability for two cars. I was very reluctant to make any changes because the agent previously told me I was already paying the lowest amount and I told this person who pointed this out but this person said to call back my insurance company anyway. I was paying $40 for full cover, which was the exact same amount someone I know was paying for liability on two cars. I was reluctant because I previously called them and was told I was already paying as low as possible. I was actually expecting to hear that all again that I was already paying as little as legally possible. When the agent picked up on the other and I gave her my information and told her what one of my loved ones just told me. Much to my surprise, there are sections within your coverage where are you can reduce the amount of coverage. I was shockingly able to go from paying $40 for coverage on my bike all the way down to only $23 and still not interrupt my full coverage or any of its benefits.

Anywhere you can find to cut corners and cut back on cost will help you to build a savings.

However, let me warn you not to fall for any scams or to lend money. If you're already shelling out money, stop. You need that money for yourself and where will you get the money when you need something and there's no one around to be able to give you a dime when you're broke? What if you were to need a new car tomorrow because your old one is in disrepair and cannot be fixed or you can't find the parts no more and you're now without a vehicle? What if disaster struck and you lost everything? This is why you need Insurance such as renters or homeowners insurance and if you get sick or hurt or need other care, you definitely need some form of coverage.

Look at your current situation, start there. Start looking for areas to cut back spending and even look around the house for stuff you can sell on eBay that you don't use. Whatever money you make, put it away but don't put it in the house. Put it in a separate bank account and leave it there. If you can scrape enough money together to put money into a CD, do that. You may have to cancel the CD if you come up with even more money to double what your deposit was, only do this if you want to make the CD even bigger. You can also start a new one. The more you have put away, the better. Don't let anyone take advantage of you and if you own any assets, I don't know three to turn them over to a caregiver in exchange for care, definitely don't do that! This is how people take advantage of their elders especially if they themselves have money trouble. Don't ever except care from someone who has money trouble or a shortage of it because this is how they can be tempted to take advantage of you if you happen to have more than they do. I'm not trying to sound greedy but what I'm trying to say is people with money issues or a lack of money often target wealthy elders. Don't let this happen to you as you build a savings. You need your money for your own care, especially if there are things your insurance won't cover if you happen to be on Medicaid for starters. There are also nightmares I've heard about Medicare, which is probably why there are Medicare supplement options out there because Medicare is broke and can't cover what you need. I also suspect Medicaid is also broke because there have been multiple times I needed something that was prescribed, but Medicaid wouldn't cover it probably because of national debt and the program is broke. I've been hearing how care has even been dwindling for people on Medicare and Medicaid, which is why it's very strongly believed the programs are broke and if they're not broke, they're downright greedy and don't want to pay out when people have needs and need help covering them.

The best time to think of your future care is when you're younger. It's something many of us just don't want to think about or discuss but at some point we're going to reach a point in our lives where this is necessary. What if tomorrow you need a wheelchair and your insurance refuses to cover it because the system is broke or they just don't want to pay out? The answer is simply to just get what you need out of your savings and just buy it privately. You should've been thinking of all of this before now and you should've been doing something about it if you have a lack of money or spending habits that leave you broke. Though you should've already been thinking of this, it's not too late, better late than never but you probably won't have had more money to cover out-of-pocket costs that your insurance wouldn't cover if you even have insurance. I know when Obama was in office, there was a law passed that every American must mandatorily carry some form of coverage. There was a hefty fine for uncovered Americans who didn't have any form of coverage. I thought this was a little unfair in some cases where people were already struggling and couldn't afford insurance but they couldn't get Medicaid either, that was too harsh on people who were already poor only to help a hefty fine on uncovered Americans.

I haven't had the time to read through all these comments, so I'm not sure if this has already been suggested. If your employer offers it, contact your Employee Assistance Program (EAP or ENI). They can help with all sorts of problems that make your working life difficult. They can also help with the stress you are undergoing. Many of their services are free, or the first few sessions are free.

I had a coworker who used their services to locate a good nursing home for an out-of-town parent when there was just no way for her to take the time travel and visit nursing homes. It's a great benefit for employees.

DontAsk4Handout gave a lot of useful and strategically critical information in the first post, to his or her credit. But I also think chastising the questioner, DLHM1939, for not planning ahead was off the mark. First of all, the parents... not all elderly people alive today thought they would live as long as they are living now, so putting big sums aside for care was probably not on their radar. Second, in the DLHM's generation, not all of us have had the long-term income or investment tools to put materially significant sums aside. I was 40 years old before I could afford to nurture and sustain a decent 401(k) and when I got the opportunity, I loaded that thing up. I think chastising the questioner for not thinking of this up front was not necessary, despite the advice provided being rock solid.

Be wary of what novices tell you about LTC, Medicaid, etc. It's not simple and only a person who is specifically trained to know the rules and laws can give you specific advice. Which you should seek.

Also, it's not a moral issue. The legal utilization of current law, programs, assistance is perfectly proper and no one should feel awkward about using them.

Contact the local Office on Aging in the county in which you live. Your local library can help you get the number and location. That is a good starting point to obtain information. Good luck.

You have received some very good advice here in other posts. Another idea would be to see if your parents, then your sister, could relocate to the area where you live in Houston. Just eliminating the distance would make everything easier for everyone. There are good elder care attorneys, medical facilities, assisted living centers and group homes for the disabled in Houston and nearby.