I have 8 hour shifts w/caregivers for my Mom. Mom naps a lot. My Mom has Alzheimer's (approaching middle stage). Memory issues affect her ability to prepare food. When I can't care for her (I'm the daughter), we have an agency provide caregivers in 8 hour shifts, 11am-7pm to cover meal issues. The rest of the time Mom does a few household tasks and naps a lot. Sometimes she wants help w/chores, sometimes not. She does need some help. But in an 8 hour shift, 7 days a week there is only so much cleaning a person can do. When she's awake they are active with her (we have watchful neighbors). My Mom also gets upset if they disturb her by doing things while she's asleep. I drop in unannounced a lot to check on her. We have 2-3 regular caregivers. I have found all at one time or another asleep in the same room as my Mom, while she napped. She generally sleeps soundly. Sometimes she talks about them sleeping and it bothers her. My gut reaction is anger, but I've slept while Mom napped. Should I be upset? Should I talk to them? Talk to the agency? I like the agency and caregivers. We have had consistency, no theft, no abuse, active participation to keep my Mom active. Confused, frustrated, and maybe a bit guilty. Please give me some guidance
What qualifies as disturbing her? Moving around the house? Doing the dishes? Sitting in the other room, watching TV? Turning pages of a magazine while sitting there? I'm not being facetious .. some people are disturbed if the air moves.
Does she (or you) want them in the room with her, while she's napping? Is she at risk of falling if she attempts to get out of bed? Do the caregivers have regular chores, or does she want to supervise everything they're doing (ie: never leave her sight). Are they responsible for more than helping her make meals, such as incontinence care, physical, occupational, and speech therapy? How long is their lunch break? Do they consider the nap their 'break?'
You say there've been no problems, but are there trust issues? Concerns that if they're not right beside her, they'll be doing something unacceptable? The fact that you show up unannounced suggests to me that you HOPE to catch them doing something.
My initial reaction was, "oh, for pity's sake, it's an 8-hour shift .. they can't stay awake that long?" But boring is boring, to be honest. Are they sitting there reading and dozing off, or laid out on a cot, with the covers over their heads? As an employee (contracted through an agency or otherwise), I'd hope that you'd talk to me, first, and ask what's going on. Maybe mom told them it was okay, because she didn't want to be confrontive, and is hoping you'll help work it out.
In the end, if it turns out that it's an untenable situation, be prepared to lose your workers to maintain your standards .. don't let them control your mom's world, except as you and she wants the help.
I'm not trying to provide answers, here, as I don't feel like I've got a good picture. I'm just trying to prod, a bit, to see what the root issue really is.
What would bother me would be you 'dropping in', that would imply to me that after a sufficient amount of time you still didn't trust me...you also say you are very pleased with the caregivers and the agency.... if it really bothers you that much, speak to the caregiver.....do you let them know either by word or action that you are not ok with them napping? We are not mind readers and none of us will ever be able to fully reach families expectations.....because just as you are feeling taken advantage of... we, as paid caregivers, can tell you lots of stories about being taken advantage of.....
I am a home healthcare nurse who works for an agency and I would never...NEVER... sleep while my patient is sleeping. The only time a caregiver should be allowed to sleep is on a nightshift and that's only if it's a 'resting' nightshift. Yes, I have had very boring jobs where my patient sleeps a lot, I do a lot of hospice where my patient isn't even conscious. I get very sleepy and drowsy but I bring a book with me and tough it out.
Of course there is only so much these caregivers can do before they run out of things to do but they are being paid to be there, to watch over your mom, and they should NOT be sleeping. It's just not professional.
So I think you have to look at the results. If your mom seems to be well cared for and if the caregivers don't continue to sleep while she's up and awake or around, then I think it's OK. Not ideal, but acceptable. If there are other things they could be doing and they're not doing, then ask them to do them. And like Eyerishlass says, talk to them individually before going to their management.
I can see both sides, too: I agree, technically it is unprofessional; I also agree, humanly it's incredibly difficult to stay awake when there is nothing, but nothing, to keep you awake. You could ask the agency if it has a policy on naps, in a general sort of way, mentioning no names? - but really what matters is whether or not they're looking after your mother effectively. Speak to the individuals, by all means, if they're the sort who won't get instantly defensive.
My MIL once went ballistic when she found her mother's nurse fast asleep on a cot in the middle of a shift - but in that case the nurse wasn't even in the same room as her mother, she was dead to the world (hadn't heard MIL come in, for a start), and MIL's mother did need full nursing care. For once I didn't actually think MIL was overreacting (though I'd have loved to have been a fly on the wall).
Being a care-giver is a big responsibility.
these caregiver are trained to do a great job.
they are only human just like you.and so what if they nap .
They are following your mom's schedule not yours.
caregiver have kids and families and for them to do such a caring empathetic is a godly thing,
bless all caregive,PSW, RN'S and RNA"s.
like you said no theft,abuse but on safety, and keeping ur mom active well fed and taking her mind of depressing things,
I hope this reply answers your question.
sharon
Boni I am sure you are not comfortable going to sleep before your mother but even so something could happen during the night when you were asleep
Behaving responsibly is the key here and making it clear to your caregivers on day one what your expectations are. People die next to their spouses at night all the time. My insurance agent did just that. His wife woke up and realized he was not snoring and he was very dead
Our "helper" was a very nice lady, competent, working toward her LVN, and we liked her. But my mom was having none of someone else doing her personal care. So, our lady accompanied us yes two doctors appointments, did a little light housekeeping, making mom's bed, grocery shopping, other errands and watching mom on the few occasions that I needed to nap during the day because my mom was a sundowner.
What EVER did i do before she came (I mention, sarcastically)?? Well, I already had things set up. A ROOM MONITOR for one thing. My mom rested a lot and I didn't want her disturbed. Ultimately it was left up to me to handle my moms schedule. I believe my sister felt that the helper was supervising me, but the helper believed that I was supervising her and she considers me her "boss". We laughed about my sister's disconnect, behind her back of course.
Because I am the kind of person who tends to get involved with other people, I knew our helper's life situation. Her husband had recently passed away unexpectedly, daughter and schizophrenic spouse with two children living with her, 1 unemployed son she was helping out. She was tired, yet studying to better herself. AND I consider paid caregiving generally a thankless job, overworked and underpaid.
She helped us for nearly two years until my mom passed away. We had a reclining chair in the living room. And a couple of nice Afghans. I told her to rest whenever she wanted as long as my mother with cared for. Sometimes she and I chatted because neither was tired. Sometimes I would work on my computer well she studied or rested. Sometimes we would both rest. It was just a matter of who kept the monitor receiver. One search of us had it at all times when my mom was resting. One peep out of my mom and one of us was on alert.
The operative part of the caretaking, IMO, is "care". I was in a more obvious position to watch whether or not someone else worked. I never, EVER, begrudged her the ability to rest. In fact, I ENCOURAGED it. I believe it made her happier and more capable of taking care of my mom.
In my line, my longest shift was three hours. Sometimes when my work was finished I would just sit and talk or ask if there were any extra things they needed doing?
After a couple of weeks some of these folks houses were so spic and span after three hours of ME a day, it was hard to find anything baring putting a new roof on the place, lol.
One hoarder I worked for let me clean her house out over a period of months... something she would never let the family do. Each item had to be gone over with absolute approval from her.
ME: I could get you all the empty milk jugs you need from a recycle center. If we toss these now, I promise I will bring you brand new ones, if you need them.
I eventually made her little trailer from complete disaster into a lovely place. The family was impressed to say the least!
That is when she asked me to make decorations for her great grandaughters wedding. And I did it. She had hoarded thousands of plastic flowers, ribbon, you name it. She was SO proud, pointing out to the family that they had wanted to throw all these lovely things away. True, however it required lots of ammonia and soap and an artists touch to make these things valuable again.
I would have probably been fired for doing this mind you. Although my company didn't mind if you sat and went through old photo albums with them for hours.
If you trust this caregiver, and she is the sort that CAN cat nap and wake up more effective than someone who is expected to prop her eyes open with toothpicks because she is not allowed to move or make a sound, then I don't see the problem?
I am not sure what you expect this caregiver to do if she is needs to be in the presence of your mum, and also not make a sound?
This site makes a huge difference. Well, to my life anyway.
I am starting to wonder how much memory we lose from simply going quiet.
I am remembering things here, that I thought were forgotten.
:Too Long Didn't Read... "your mum has someone to nap with, all watched over."
I think it is lovely.
I wish some of us could trade off... like we did when we had toddlers.
Our elders would have company and we would get a break.
A play date we call it whith children.
Our parents could get together and complain about how much we suck.
"Ohhhh, you think YOUR daughter is awful, wait till you hear what mine did the other day" lol.
Circumstances are always to be considered. If for some reason one would have an individual to care for that would "quietly" get up and be hard to hear them arise from their bed, then slip away from caregiver and become lost in the community, or get into something dangerous in the house and hurt themselves, that might be another matter. ( you may consider putting an alarm on the bed that goes off if mother leaves the bed. She might have to be conditioned to accept it for her own good. ) They use those in hospitals and other places that are concerned for the well being of a roaming individual or one who has special needs . One has to be balanced and reasonable. Right? My particular case is a bed fast husband who does not move much in the bed anymore. Much less get out of it. He sleeps lots, and watches some TV when awake, which I leave on for his spurts of wakefulness. He is fed, washed, and cared for like a disabled child. So when his needs are finished each time slot, there would be no concern if the caregiver slept, if the major chores or duties had been cared for.
Circumstances and reasonableness enter in. Here is a hug for your sincere concern.