My dad was just diagnosed with late onset (moderate) Alzheimer’s. My sister and I can never get in touch with him and are really upset and frustrated. He is 91 yrs and as is his wife. They live in independent living but he is not independent and should be in memory care. She is going thru immunotherapy and has a home health care person come once a week to give her a bath. Dad has 24/7 home health care and she picks up their meals (we know they need to move to AL but they refuse). Lately, we have called dad for 3 weeks, every other day, and it goes straight to vm. We text his wife to please help dad with his phone (it’s always right next to him). She always makes excuses: he’s lying down, they’re getting ready to eat, he doesn’t want to talk, etc. The past 2 times my sis and I went over there, his volume was turned off and his phone was on silent. Wife says she does that at night because a past caregiver told her she should so they don’t get calls. I told her solicitors don’t call at night and I set his phone to do not disturb from 9pm-9 am. I told her she didn’t need to turn off the volume or put it on silent anymore. Well, she’s still doing it, but her phone always works. We feel that she’s isolating him. There a slight chance dads doing this but we don’t think so. He was surprised when we told him we’d been trying to get in touch w him for 3 weeks. He doesn’t really talk to anyone on the phone except us or her when she’s gone. I’m going over there soon (I do not live close and sis is 4hrs away), and I know she’ll say he’s doing it and of course he will say he doesn’t know. Any suggestions?
Try not to get frustrated over a situation you cannot control. Let them drive their bus. I know it is easier said than done. Believe me when something happens, you will know.
Don’t call. Go visit for a few hours once a week and leave it at that.
They do lose ability to use a phone, a remote control, a watch, an alarm clock, a shaver, etc. etc. Sometimes they mix them up, such as trying to use the phone to change the TV channel. I wouldn't worry only about the phone. When you're visiting, check whether he is using other things - or not. It also may be a problem with his wife, who is making excuses for him because SHE no longer understands all the things that you presume she can do. People at age 91 can snowball downhill very fast.
Your fact-finding trip will be interesting. I suspect that you will find out a lot that you didn't realize before being around them for a longer period of time.