Funds low, disgruntled MIL. Any advice?
My MIL has Epilepsy and early Dementia. She is used to getting what she wants but we are on a budget and can only afford certain things. I stay home to care for her and my husband works.
We are an a pretty tight budget but make it throughout each month just fine.
This month we had an unexpected medical expense and could not afford our full grocery trip or the amount of cigerettes my MIL feels she needs.
My husband as donated plasma just to get more food and a few more packs of cigerette but it still isn't enough.
My MIL is throwing a fit. She doesn't understand a budget. She yells at me to get a job. She wants to get her nails done and I have to tell her no. She will refuse to eat until she gets what she wants.
I just need some support right now, please.....
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He enables her to smoke by selling his own blood? Something's very wrong with this picture, as the saying goes.
Why doesn't she quit smoking and then you can spend that money on food instead of wasting it on something toxic?
I would just tell her you're on a budget and cigarettes are no longer affordable. Check with her doctor to determine if she can wear nicotine patches, or what other methods can be used to stop smoking.
Her doctor cannot name you caregiver. He or she can suggest that MIL can't live alone, and can write down in the medical files that you are taking care of her, but there is nothing official in the sense of obligating you about being her caregiver or paying her way financially.
Here is what I suggest. I don't know about Colorado, but it worked wonderfully for me in Minnesota: Call your county Social Services department and ask for a needs assessment for MIL. The worker who comes out will determine what kinds of services MIL needs, what she might be eligible for not only within the county but other local and national programs, and then direct you to how to apply for whatever she may qualify for. This is not likely to include manicures, but it could include food stamps, or Meals on Wheels, or transportation to medical appointments, some in-home help, all the way up to care center placement. You won't know until you try.
An adult day health program may be suitable. Perhaps having her looked after during the day would allow you to work.
MIL did not ask for epilepsy. She did not ask for dementia. Perhaps the fact that she is used to getting what she wants is the fault of her personality or the fault of well-meaning folks who supported her in the expectation. But the reality is that she can no longer get what she wants. Without blaming her or being angry or mean, you need to stick to truth of the situation. If she holds her breath or sulks or refuses to eat or ... any other blackmail tactics, you have to remain kind but firm. She cannot have what you cannot afford.
You and your husband are both very kind and compassionate to try to care for this ill woman. I hope you can get some public assistance of some kind to ease the burden on you a bit.