How does a person get Dad to realize I am 49 and not 12 and unknowledgeable as at a young age?

I moved in with Dad about one year after my mother passed away. I saw it as silly to be renting an apartment and driving 13 miles each way and every day plus paying rent. Dad has a bad case of tunnel vision. It's his way or no way. Three years before my mom passed away, my younger sister passed away and a year after that, I found my best friend dead. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He has been a spectacular support for me. He lives 90 miles away. He comes just about every weekend. I used to go there a lot. 4 months into the relationship, I had a seizure while driving home. Fortunately, all I did was total the car. 17 months later, the same thing happened. It has been a little over 3 years since the last one. Doctors can't pinpoint what caused the seizures. I am on medication. But every time I want to go to my boyfriend's place, Dad throws fits that I might have a seizure. Well, that could happen on my way to work or to the grocery store. I feel like I am caught in the middle because Dad gets mad if I go there and my boyfriend gets frustrated if I stay home. There are little other things that Dad does. He always needs to hover over my shoulder for every little thing I do. An example is last night I boiled some sausage in water, The water was greasy, so I was going to dump it outside. He started yelling that I used the wrong pan to cook it and what am I going to do with the greasy water. I mean, REALLY! Every time I go somewhere, there are always 50 questions to answer, such as where I went, who was there, what time did we get there and leave, what did we do, and on and on and on. I have an older brother and a younger brother. The older brother moved out east and hardly ever calls, but thinks he knows all. My younger brother tries, but he has other issues going on also. At the time my sister died, it was a very traumatic time for the whole family. It is something no parent should ever have to go through. I was there for my parents as much as I could. The day she died, Dad was reroofing his sister's house with 2 other men. I got the call from my mother at 10AM and went. I called my dad the first time to tell his sister that he was needed at home for the emergency. He didn't come. When the ambulance took her, I called there again to have his sister tell him that he needed to go to the hospital. Again, he did not show. When we were told that she had died, I called my aunt and told her to firmly tell Dad that he needed to get to the hospital NOW!, no questions asked. He finally came and I was the one who told him. I tried to hug him. He pushed me away and didn't come home until 7PM. During the preparation for the funeral, the funeral, and the days after, I stayed. I would try to go to the bathroom and literally would have my pants halfway down and he would be screaming for me to come for something. After a few days of this, I finally hollered back that I needed to go to the bathroom. That turned into a big argument that even the neighbors a 1/4 mile away heard. A year after Jane died Mom and Dad put the 120 acre farm into a living estate, the 40 acre lot with the buildings being mine. Now his mission is that I will never be able to handle it. I assume in his mind it's 2 things: I am a woman and things wouldn't be done his way, therefore it would be wrong. I am wits end and have no where to turn. What do I do? we will not be moving in with them