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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Would you be facing a difficult battle to end the driving? My guess is that you would. Search this site for loads of info on elders and driving. Is also important that you learn all you can about handling dementia.
If he's not spending more than you can afford, I say let him have at it. When it gets too much, donate it to charity. If he is spending too much, see if you can put him on a budget.
Aside from that, I'm very sorry you are both going through this. And I might add that it's going to be much MUCH harder on you than on him. Take care of your health and your inner spirit. Stay strong. And pick your battles. ;)
1. Can you plan other activities for the times when he goes to the sales, say going to someplace you both enjoy....maybe out for lunch, go a park (if you're in an area that is still warm enough for outdoor activity), for a walk in your community....someplace where you both can relax and there's really nothing to buy? I.e., redirect his attention from buying to nature - it might provide some relaxation for him. And nature is tremendously restorative and restful.
2. Another option is to go with him and try to limit his selections, or at least help him to pick things that can be donated to family members, such as grandchildren. If he can see a definite purpose to a specific article, at least his urge to buy would be channeled toward a more definable end use, rather than just buying for buying's sake.
3. I've gone through this, not with rummage or garage sales, but with catalog sales. Eventually it's been channeled more toward gifts for the great grandchildren, so there is a purpose as well as a feeling of well being and help.
4. You might also contact specific charities, including military ones if your husband is ex-military. I've read there is always a demand for books for troops in country.
Some animal charities and especially ones like the Humane Societies have lists of what they need. He could search for those things - like blankets or rugs for the animals, etc.
Again, if you can rechannel the need to buy toward things that can be really useful, it may provide that sense of being able to contribute and help address whatever it is that prompts our elders to want to spend and buy stuff they don't need.
Like Maggie had mentioned above, let hubby enjoy the yard/rummage sales... what is fun is the "hunt" and if the items aren't bankrupting you then I see no problem. It gets hubby out the house, gives him some exercise, helps his brain negotiate prices if he does that which makes him feel good thinking he got the deal of the century :)
As for driving, if you don't mind going to these yard/rummage sales, take turns driving... like if he buys something that takes time looking at, you offer to drive so he can study whatever he bought... make it a fun day for the both of you.
I find it fun seeing items that were popular in my childhood which brings back memories, but I don't buy them, it's just window [or driveway] shopping for me. My sig other had magazines scattered on the floor so we went looking for a magazine rack, which are hard to find new now a days... sure enough we found a nice wicker one at a yard sale for $1.00 which worked out perfectly.
My dad does the catalog sales. But much worse is the charity mail. He responds to all of them by enclosing a check and gives me a stack to put in the mail box.
Brilliant, GardenArtist! I save the stack because dad once called PBS to ask where his "free gift" was and I was on on the hot seat because I "forgot" to mail it.
KoferDofer, my husband's journey with LBD lasted ten years. Very soon after diagnosis by a neurologist his primary care physician said, "I am sorry, Coy, but I am required to report this diagnosis to the DMV. They will revoke your license." She did and they did. I sold his car. This is extremely sad but extremely necessary.
At the advice of his social worker, we got him a personal mobility scooter. That would have been perfect for going around the neighborhood looking for garage sales, but that wasn't his thing. (Don't let him loose in the Science Museum gift store with his checkbook, though!) He used it to get a haircut and to go to the library and even to go to movies.
As the others have said, what's the problem with buying things at garage sale? Money? Storage space for what he buys? Dementia takes away SO many simple pleasures that I sure would let him have this one. If $$ is the problem, agree on a garage sale allowance and see how much he can get for that. If it is storage, others have given good suggestions for having the items disappear after a while.
I am so sorry that he is totally unaware of the diagnosis. It made it so much easier that my husband and I could talk about it. As you know, one of the striking hallmarks of Lewy Body is its high variability from day to day or even within a day. (All dementias are like that, but it is especially pronounced in LBD" I could say to him, "I know you don't need a baby sitter, dear. You've been taking good care of yourself forever. But we never know what that darn Lewy is going to do, so try to be gracious to the person who will be here with you. It will give me peace of mind while I am out."
Do you think one of his doctors could help him understand his disease?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Aside from that, I'm very sorry you are both going through this. And I might add that it's going to be much MUCH harder on you than on him. Take care of your health and your inner spirit. Stay strong. And pick your battles. ;)
2. Another option is to go with him and try to limit his selections, or at least help him to pick things that can be donated to family members, such as grandchildren. If he can see a definite purpose to a specific article, at least his urge to buy would be channeled toward a more definable end use, rather than just buying for buying's sake.
3. I've gone through this, not with rummage or garage sales, but with catalog sales. Eventually it's been channeled more toward gifts for the great grandchildren, so there is a purpose as well as a feeling of well being and help.
4. You might also contact specific charities, including military ones if your husband is ex-military. I've read there is always a demand for books for troops in country.
Some animal charities and especially ones like the Humane Societies have lists of what they need. He could search for those things - like blankets or rugs for the animals, etc.
Again, if you can rechannel the need to buy toward things that can be really useful, it may provide that sense of being able to contribute and help address whatever it is that prompts our elders to want to spend and buy stuff they don't need.
As for driving, if you don't mind going to these yard/rummage sales, take turns driving... like if he buys something that takes time looking at, you offer to drive so he can study whatever he bought... make it a fun day for the both of you.
I find it fun seeing items that were popular in my childhood which brings back memories, but I don't buy them, it's just window [or driveway] shopping for me. My sig other had magazines scattered on the floor so we went looking for a magazine rack, which are hard to find new now a days... sure enough we found a nice wicker one at a yard sale for $1.00 which worked out perfectly.
At the advice of his social worker, we got him a personal mobility scooter. That would have been perfect for going around the neighborhood looking for garage sales, but that wasn't his thing. (Don't let him loose in the Science Museum gift store with his checkbook, though!) He used it to get a haircut and to go to the library and even to go to movies.
As the others have said, what's the problem with buying things at garage sale? Money? Storage space for what he buys? Dementia takes away SO many simple pleasures that I sure would let him have this one. If $$ is the problem, agree on a garage sale allowance and see how much he can get for that. If it is storage, others have given good suggestions for having the items disappear after a while.
I am so sorry that he is totally unaware of the diagnosis. It made it so much easier that my husband and I could talk about it. As you know, one of the striking hallmarks of Lewy Body is its high variability from day to day or even within a day. (All dementias are like that, but it is especially pronounced in LBD" I could say to him, "I know you don't need a baby sitter, dear. You've been taking good care of yourself forever. But we never know what that darn Lewy is going to do, so try to be gracious to the person who will be here with you. It will give me peace of mind while I am out."
Do you think one of his doctors could help him understand his disease?