More for those in the UK I guess.....
I probably already know the answer to this and its going to be you can't lol.
Dad has got approx £40-£50K in the bank. He saves from his pension income. He gets less pension credit because he has so much in the bank. In the UK, in the event you need care at home, they will take your savings first (above a certain level) before you get government aid.
Spending money - he'd win a gold medal in the Olympics for being so cheap. He just will not spend it.
I know- he's sound of mind and its up to him but, honestly, the narrow-mindedness is unbelievable. I've told him he needs to spend a bit on his house to make himself comfortable in his old age. Nope won't do it.
I don't want or need his money. BUT I'm concerned that if worse comes to the worse and he needs care, it will get taken off him and, honestly, the stress would kill him off.
I've told him this and I don't think he believes me. I just would hate for it to happen to him.
And the fact that you live at a distance and have family responsibilities that prevent you from hands on?
And that you think that he might actually crave the social aspects of a well run care home?
BTW - I could do with some young eastern european lady popping around my house too. ;-)
The police and the fire brigade will happily attend to advise on matters of security and fire/carbon monoxide safety respectively. If it's an old fridge, the fire brigade would be interested in that, too.
The local library will have a massive ring binder full of service providers' details - they call it "signposting." You can spend many a happy hour browsing through all the marvellous things that wonderful people will do for others that have no relevance to your particular situation.
Paul's Dad likes attention, he likes to be waited on, he likes to put the world to rights. He should be in a care home. He would be a lot happier, not least because he would have a 24/7 audience to hear how useless Paul is.
What is the equivalent in the U.K.?
But be aware, in the U.S., if a person hasn't been declared mentally incompetent, NO ONE can force them to take better care of their property. Most of us on this board have heard advice or advised others that many times, you just have to step back and allow the fictional "independence" plan to fail before any real help is forced upon the elder.
4ourhouse is a good site for appliance components. Is it the seal, or an overgrown freezer compartment, or a hinge or what? If I can mend a washing machine, you can mend a fridge.
Do you see the similarities between your dad's thinking ("Oi, they're having another baby, they're so old, so little money, it will lead to disaster") and your thinking ("Oi, his house is in such bad shape, he has the money to repair it, it'll lead to disaster")?
You are BOTH stuck in a recursive loop of trying to change the other's thinking. Neither of you can make decisions for the other, as you are both legally competent.
Stop trying to control him.
Carpet is threadbare in places - hes fallen over a few times.
Chairs are filthy - surprised hes not caught a disease from them.
Fridge doesnt close properly - Its not save to store things in there.
I know, I know its his decision. But I can't just sit back and wait for the disaster to happen.
You are trying to run his life. Same as he is trying to run yours. This is NOT your job to explain.
Leave it alone.
Why would that be worse than his dying from a fall downstairs, or tripping over a doorsill and breaking a hip, or a lung infection caused by mould, or any common or garden stroke or heart attack?
But okay, I'll bite: what do you think needs doing in the house?