Getting so much worse!!!
Got another, WORSENING problem with Mom now. I go to the kitchen every morning to make the coffee and feed the cats. Well, lately I've got to put shoes on because, inevitably and increasingly, there's one or MORE broken dishes, drinking glasses, bowls, etc. And what I listed above WAS WHAT I GOT UP TO JUST THIS MORNING!!! The hell with what's been broken, but I FEAR for my Mom's SAFETY, right?!?
THEN, she's been increasingly wanting to go home, or go "somewhere" (but can never really verbalize WHERE she needs to go!) and has become MUCH MORE demanding insofar as wanting me to open the door so she can go out! Earlier this morning she became VERY ANGRY with me when I tried to explain to her why she couldn't go out! AND, just NOW, she came to me and said, quite adamantly, that she was leaving.... she was going HOME!!!
Needless to say, I'm VERY frightened that she may leave the house ON HER OWN and get lost!!!
With all due respect to those wanting to reply, please don't tell me she needs to be placed somewhere. We simply cannot afford it and, since we can't qualify for MediCaid for ANY assistance WHATSOEVER (which is a requirement in California), we're, NO, I AM on my own.
I'M EXHAUSTED...
https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/stages-behaviors/wandering
When a dementia patient talks about wanting to 'go home', they are generally expressing a need for comfort of some kind. It is up to YOU to determine what type of comfort they need; ie: change of briefs, food, warmth, a hug, etc. Since they are normally unable to vocalize their specific need, it can become a guessing game as to what they truly need. Distraction is always a great technique to use as well. Here is another link on this subject:
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/i-want-go-home-what-to-say-to-someone-in-dementia-care
I also recommend YouTube videos (any and all) by Teepa Snow who is an expert in dementia. Not only is she informed, she is quite humorous and you'll find yourself enjoying her commentaries quite a bit, if you're like me! I am required to watch them for my job, and wind up looking forward to them instead of dreading the dryness of the usual group of standard dementia videos. Teepa will help you understand the anger your mother is expressing, and why, what it means, and how to avoid her anger in the first place. You can use certain techniques and tone of voice when dealing with her to keep her calm instead of agitated. That includes holding her hand in a certain fashion where your thumb is pressing/pumping on her inner hand; this causes instant comfort & calmness for her! Very neat little tip right there.
And finally, about the kitchen. That can create quite a dilemma. Since dementia sufferers no longer have a grip on what's dangerous, they can easily get themselves into deep trouble in a variety of ways in the kitchen. Also, they lose their sense of smell which means they won't smell a gas leak. They can easily mix ammonia together with bleach to help you clean, and wind up killing themselves as a result, literally. Knowing how the diseased mind is now working will help YOU determine how to make your home a safer place in general.
Firstly, I'd remove ALL glass items from the kitchen and replace them with plastic. If you need to keep certain glass mixing bowls or whatever, put them up high and way out of mother's reach. Then use the child proof devices readily available to lock up all the cabinets that contain hazardous liquids such as bleach, detergents, etc., and this includes the laundry room.
Another suggestion I have is to get your mom a baby doll; many, many women who suffer from dementia LOVE swaddling and 'caring for' a baby doll, as they did when they were younger. The oldest memories go LAST in their diseased minds, so she may enjoy doing such a thing. You can buy one on Amazon (search out Alzheimers dolls) but they're quite expensive. ANY doll will do, as long as you get a blanket to go with it. Dolls can provide hours of comfort to an agitated individual.
Again, knowledge is power. If, for whatever reason, you are unable to place your mother, then you need to study up on all the materials available to you on the internet on the subject of dementia. It's the answer to your prayers.
Wishing you good luck & Godspeed moving forward, my friend. And please don't forget to take care of YOU during this difficult time.
If she is a wander risk you should alert your local police department, they can keep a file on her and many also can provide a bracelet to help find her if she goes out and gets lost.
You may need to lock your drawers cupboards except for one with unbreakables that she can access. Unplug the microwave and disable the stove too if that's a problem.
https://medicaid-help.org/California-Qualifications/?utm_term=%2Bmedicaid%20%2Brequirements%20%2Bcalifornia&utm_content=Qualify%20-%20BM&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Search_CA_Kwd_Medicaid-Help
If you are living in her home, and have been there for more than 12 months, then you would be able to continue to live there even if she were placed in a care facility. Only her other assets would be considered, and the $19k should be spent on her.
This is a tough situation, but there are answers. Hugs and best wishes to you!
You too might benefit from a generic antidepressant. You have so much to deal with that of course is certainly exhausting. I understand the need to save money but if you have a Target nearby you might purchase some dinnerware items in melamine. They are reasonable there and very hard to break.
There are posters here who live in California and are generally knowledgeable about care services in the state. I hope you might get some responses from them.
I, too, am on a host of medications for both my chronic, sometimes severe, pain, as well as for my depression and inability to sleep. I'm TRYING to take care of MYSELF, but I'm also becoming quite the hermit because I really can't leave the house for much more than a few minutes due to my obvious concerns with mom! Have already removed the stove knobs so she can no longer use the stove (after leaving at LEAST one of them on under an already boiling, or BURNT, pot!!!), and have secured the doors leading out of the house (the RING video doorbell alerts me when there's movement in or out the front door!), and I have a baby monitor to be able to hear movement in her room (thank God I'm a light sleeper, EVEN WITH my sleep medication!)
I'm SURE I could list even MORE, but I think y'all get the picture, right? AGAIN.... Thanks for your reply!!!
I would be very concerned if I had your situation too. You have so much on your plate. I hope you are able to find relief soon.
I DO absolutely everything for my Mom.... I am extremely diligent about making SURE her gets, and takes her medications to a tee, make SURE she's eating properly, and keep her entertained as much as I'm able, BUT that doesn't seem to be enough for her (my grand neice who's ONLY come to see her great grandmother a few times!) and her grand-father/mother (my brother and SIL) and all they can do is criticize me! I even pay, OUT OF MY OWN POCKET via a VERY meager monthly disability check) for a cleaning lady because I, myself, have been disabled since 2005!
So, you see, its been ALL on MY shoulders and although they're ALL too far to physically help me, NONE OF THEM has or will help us out financially either. SMH!!
In terms of your immediate issue. I switched to plastic plates, bowls, cups and glasses years ago too. Unbreakable is the way to go. You can get some plastic dinnerware from Japan that doesn't look like plastic. You don't know until your rap on it that it's not ceramic.
As for medicaid. Why can't your mom qualify?
The reason she/we cannot qualify for MediCaid is because we recently obtained a "small" reverse mortgage on her home and she currently had approximately $19,000 or so in her bank account. And, even if I were to transfer the balance into my, or a new, bank account, they would STILL consider it an asset, at least for their length of time they consider THEIR idea that the assets were "intentionally hidden."
ANY IDEAS???
After some observation , I decided to pretend that I am in charge of a big , elderly baby so I moved to suit. If you had a very tall, very smart baby in your house what would you do ? This :
All sharp objects are in drawers with locks . Knives etc . All glass wear and breakable items are stored away, high up. Mama gets crockery if I'm near her when she's eating and I can clear it when she's done but only plastic is available to her on the occasions when she gets up super early and goes walking around the kitchen . Matches and lighters are hidden , I removed the knobs from the stove just like you . We put a child lock on the cupboard that is low down and left the plastic plates , forks and cups in plain sight . In the fridge , the water jug is also plastic .
I purchased locks for the two garden gates so even if she wanders outside ( she is fast when she wants to be ) she cannot get out of the yard. Do you have gates you can lock ? If not , is there any way to get second hand gates to install ?
I have a pile of books with nice photographs for her to look at. Home decor and travel books . She was interested in decorating when she was of sound mind . Perhaps your mom liked something enough back in the day to still want to look at material about it in present time . Enrichment is important as dementia sufferers can still get very bored and frustrated with their life and might lose the way to say that . So activities , " toys " , mama has several stuffed bears and baby dolls that she looks after , chores , mama can fold laundry like no one else , entertainment , movies , treats like diabetic ice cream or fruit etc.
On sunny days we sit outside on chairs and spend a few hours reading or making things while mama wanders around or chats with us . Do you have an outdoor area where you can chill with her ?
I installed cable in mama's room and gave her a tv which she watches very often and enjoys . If you can't afford cable perhaps a DVD player and get some old movies that she might like to play for her . You can ask on Facebook marketplace groups if anyone has she's they're willing to part with . Surprisingly , Mama loved La La land ,as she loves musicals even though it's a modern film. What was your moms favourite movie ? What singers did she enjoy ?
We started giving mama chamomile tea in the morning , and at night . It's a herbal tea that can calm the drinker and make them slightly sleepy as well. We didn't want to use sleeping pills recommended by the doctor as we did not like how zombie like and woozy she was the next day so we tried the tea and it worked wonders . Just be mindful that if your mom is on blood pressure meds , do not over do it on the tea as chamomile is a natural blood pressure reducer . We cleared the use of this tea with mama's doctor and now we have the situation in hand without endangering her health . Chamomile is also naturally without caffeine. Mama gets one regular caffinated tea or hot chocolate for diabetics at mid day . That's it . We found that caffeine made things worse so look into that.
You posted in Feb before covid 19 became what it is now . How are you managing ? Did any of the suggestions here help you ? I hope so.
My suggestions worked for and were tailored for my particular darling so it might not work for you but take what you can from what I wrote and I really wish you well. I know you're tired . Take care of you xxx hugs .