What about getting fired due to calling out because the caregiver cant come? When my husband and I moved out of the city and up to the high desert area, it was to care for his mother, his father had just passed away. We live about 50 to 60 miles from Downtown. All was good, we both got jobs at the local casinos. Casinos can be a blessing and a curse. They are open 24 hours so shift work is the way things go. I used to work full time, but when Mom came to live with us she was not well. She had just had small strokes and could not live alone. I was exhausted most of the time caring for her and working so I cut my hours down to 3 days a week. I found a lady in the area ( L ) and she became my first caregiver so I could go to work. She was with us for a year before she found another job that had Health Insurance. Then I needed another caregiver, I found ( A ). She is my current helper. She is older that my first helper, and she does not have great health. She has gone to the hospital by ambulance 3 times in the past year. She is in the hospital again right now. Also, she is religious and cant work on Thursdays and Sundays. That doesn't help me when I can and do work those days.
I contacted an Agency for In Home Care. There is one lady ( S )that can work for me, is close to my area, except that she has other agencies that she works for and other clients too. Now, let me explain that since I am part time I no longer have a set schedule. I can work the morning shift one day and swing (6pm to 2;30am) the next. I called the agency with my new schedule on Monday and they called this worker to see if she was available for Friday and Saturday. She said yes, but then today the agency called and said that she is not able to work those days for me. I am getting frustrated again because I don't know from one week to the next if I can work or not. Also, for the Holidays the rate is time and a half. So that means $30 plus an hour.
My husband works the graves shift and sleeps during the day, then goes to work. This means for mom that she will be alone from 10pm until 2 or 3 AM when I get home. My husband will feed her dinner, help her to bed, give her meds. She has Dementia but does not wander. She hardly gets up except to use the bathroom. I don't want to leave her alone, but its only 3 days or nights. I hope things will go ok.
I did some calling on Residential Home Care. Boy are they expensive. I talked to a really helpful lady about her home and was about to set up a tour when I realized that I hadn't asked her price. She said $4500 a month. I bout fell off my chair! One home that I did visit was a fairly decent home, run by a family and they wanted $3000 a month for a private room. That is way toooo much for Moms budget. So I guess Im venting, but what are other people experiencing while caring for their parents?
I think the only time someone should quit their job to do caregiving is if they can afford to do it. Some people have secure marriages with spouses making a lot of money and a comfortable retirement account. These people may feel fine about quitting their jobs. The rest of us have to keep an eye out for our own security and retirement. So many people make an emotional decision to leave their job, instead of considering other options. Then they regret it on down the line when they have no money, no retirement, and very little SS to depend on. Strange that many of us would never consider doing to our parent what we do to ourselves.
Once my dad was gone I had a difficult time adjusting to the real world again. My social skills had suffered as well. I felt closed off and ultra sensitive and this made rejoining the work force harder on me. Going back to work was definitely a tough adjustment.
If you feel like you have to quit your job to care for your mom I would suggest that you keep one foot in the work force either by volunteering somewhere or just picking up 1 shift a week. It's very easy to leave the work force. Not so easy to get back in.
For these reasons, take care of YOU first. eyerlish isn't right with first hand experience. You will find others who come to find out they lost their home when loved one passed because they could no longer afford it on their own. No promise of estate to pass along from parent to child.
My point is, keep your job. Find mom care, if not in your home any longer because help is unreliable or too expensive -- then you will have to consider other options for mom such as NH or other care facility that will accept Medicare, group home for seniors subsidized, etc. Research online for ideas or visit your local senior center and speak with them about moms situation and finances and they can help you sort out options.
Please note with dementia, it doesn't get better, it doesn't stay the same, it will only get worse. Your Mom may start to wander, and go through all the other stages of dementia. You would then find yourself needing three Caregivers 8-hours each per day, including weekends and holidays. When it comes to that point, it is time to reflect that Mom now needs to be in a continuing care facility where she would be with Staff who are familiar with all the different stages and know exactly what to do.
In my family, my 95 yo mother outlived my sister. (Think of that sister as being you.) What is the plan, if you are no longer able to care for your mom? She will go to 24/7 care, right? Make that happen, now.
My mother is SO much better off at the NH, than she was at home. She has company, health care, balanced meals, baths, clothes. It seems a shame that some families struggle so, to keep a loved one at home.
The past year and a half has made me realize that the problems with aging are not going to go away, if anything our parents are going to be saddled with more health issues as time goes by. And moreover caregiving is extremely draining - my mother has anxiety issues due to vertigo and that anxiety and panic has rubbed off on me as well.
Hence my advise would be to keep your job or any kind of vocation instead of being couped up at home. Your mental well- being is important as well.
Take care and hope things work out for you...
I think it's great to stay home and I don't regret the years I spent doing so but I can't say it was a "wise" decision. Practicality and our hearts can be at odds. This is just a very hard decision. Whatever choice a caregiver makes, I support it. Just try to think through all of the consequences so you go in with your eyes open.
Blessings,
Carol
My cousin gave up her very nice job to take care of her mom and after she passed, my cousin never got anything close to what she had in the workplace again. Think very carefully before you make those drastic changes.
Not all of us can be Caregivers. Just like not all of us can be Court Judges, firefighters, Astronauts, or work construction. I know if I went into a caregiving agency and ask for a job, I wouldn't be hired. I am not qualified. I will stick to my career and if my parents need hands-on help I will have them hire certified professional workers who know actually what to do.
Plus, when we were born, did any of our parents think *I can't wait for Suzie or Brad to grow up and be a full-time caregiver for us*.
I was once a well-paid, well-respected, influential professional. Now I feel, and do now that, I am outdated and not seen as useful to any employer.
Leaving my job and my to see after my parents has taken a heavy toll on my finances, social life, health and happiness. It was the biggest mistake I ever made after a lifetime of being cautious about every other move I ever made in life. Now I am near the official retirement age and far from the top of the game I once commanded. My personal savings have been depleted all the while I was not contributing to Social Security. I see a bleak future ahead.
I would tell anyone who has a job--never leave it to take care of your parents. It is too much to ask. This is a devastating move from which you may never recover. Parents who truly love their children should make plans for their own care while they are able to do so. After all, your parents are the ones who called your spirit to this mortal plane--you did not call them.
Also, is there any way you and your husband can take shifts that do not overlap? You both would be able to work full time then.
1 1/2 years to be vested in my pension, which consequently I lost. It is coming back to bite me big time now. But at the time it was very special for me to be with both my parents who live across the state. My dad passed in August and now my mom is terribly lonely and I am still driving there for lengthy visits. In retrospect I should have at least considered the Family Medical leave option.
I've read on these forums of caregivers trying to work from home, but eventually it become quite stressful. You can't put a client on-hold or be in the middle of a conference call when Mom or Dad is calling for your attention or in the background you hear them fall or dropping something.
Out of the blue I developed a serious illness that required major surgery and I was glad I had FMLA because *I* needed it, which helped guarantee that my job would still be there once I got back.
My job was still there but three months later that position was eliminated because my work had been divided upon other Staff and headquarters decided that position was no longer needed :(