My grandmother has recently been beating on grandfather. Three police reports have been filed over this but they both refuse to leave and he will not go against her. I have called the department of aging and social services I have had her 302'd and still nothing has been done about this. I need advice before it's too late
It could be something as simple as an Urinary Tract Infection which can cause elders to act out and sometimes become violent. The URI test is easy and there are antibodies that can cure the UTI.
Or does Grandmother have Alzheimer's/Dementia? There are phases where such behavior can show up. And none of this is Grandmother's fault, her brain is broken and sadly there isn't anything to fix it.... but there are meds to calm Grandmother down.
I give a lot of credit to your Grandfather, he must love your Grandmother dearly to put up with her hitting him. He probably knows something isn't quite right, so he continues to stand by her side.
So, instead of calling the police, call her doctor.
Will keep your family in my thoughts. I pray this will resolve soon and peacefully.
Right now, you need to save this man's life by taking the initiative to protect him for his own safety. You obviously know about the abuse, now do something or you're just as bad as the abuser. When you see something, your required by law to say something or the authorities will be looking at you as a possible suspect or even an accomplice. You're actually required by law to report elder abuse because you're automatically a mandated reporter by law. That means when you see something and no something is going on like you're describing, you're required to report it or you can get in serious trouble.
You need to not only make a police report, but try recording the very next incident. Most modern cell phones have built-in cameras that are also capable of taking video. There are so few phones without cameras, but if you have one with a recording feature, use it! Also take pictures of any marks, missing hair, etc. left behind by the physical abuse you told us about. Now, call the cops and have her arrested and a restraining order put against her so she can't come back when she's released. While she's in jail, you may want to get emergency custody of your g-dad and also show that particular video along with any other pictures of the abuse to the APS, and an eldercare lawyer who can help you gain an emergency custody of him. She definitely needs to face the music for what she's done because he's in eminent danger.
I'll tell you the truth right here and now even if you don't want to hear the truth, it doesn't change the truth. If I were given this particular situation and I was there and actually saw someone being beaten, I would step in and try to separate the two but I would aggressively grab the attacker and physically throw that abuser right out the door even if I must pick them up by the seat of the pants and the scruff of their shirt and physically throw them out like you throw out the trash. I have no use for abuse of any kind, especially not physical abuse, and I will aggress against any attacker beating on a vulnerable person. What drives my hatred toward abusers attacking vulnerable people is the fact that I lost my only bio sister and I barely survived. The reason why people don't mess with me much is because I'm dynamite in an unexpected package because I don't put up with crap. People tend to scatter once they find out what's really inside this package. This is also what drives me to be an advocate for the less fortunate and the most vulnerable because I myself have been there. I don't know whether you have what it takes to actually defend someone but even if you're a coward, you can at least pick up the phone and use your mouth if you even have a heart. Even if picking up the phone and using your mouth is all you can do, then do it but don't shy away from the situation because your involvement is required by law. Even most cowards have some level of ability to break up a fight, it's the heartless ones who don't. If you happen to be one of those bald ones, just pick up the attacker by the scruff and seat-of-the-pants and physically throw her out the door, because this really is a life-and-death emergency when she's attacking someone vulnerable, and that's what burns me up being an abuse survivor myself. In fact, I know people commonly throw out the aggressor, we even had a dispute at one of our local funeral homes many years ago. The funeral director and owner ended up grabbing the aggressor who was physically attacking someone and pick them up by the seat of the pants and the scruff of his jacket, carried him through the parlor and physically threw him out the door. This is exactly what I would do in your case, (but I wouldn't be near as nice about it as this funeral director was). If she insists on attacking a vulnerable person then she's strong enough to be thrown out the door by the seat of the pants. If she won't leave then physically throw her out the door because she's the one that needs to leave, he's done nothing wrong. Don't kick him out and punish him for what she's doing, the one doing the wrong is the one who needs to be out the door and even in jail for as long as absolutely possible
We don't know who is caring for whom, we don't know who witnessed the abuse or indeed whether or not it took place, we don't know what the underlying conditions are.
How do you know the OP hasn't seen bruises and assumed that they're the result of blows rather than falls? How do you know that the grandfather isn't attempting to continue to care for his demented wife? - since she's the one the OP had committed, and who was then released home without further action, it sounds to me as if he's the caregiver. Or is the demented wife the one you want prosecuted?
I hope the OP will come back with more information, and I hope it will be possible to get help to the elderly couple.
She might need a mood enhancer - some of them are very safe and don't zone them out. I worried about Ray going onto Zoloft but really, all it did was calm him down from his constant worrying.
Grandma may be very angry that her formally controlling husband has suddenly turned her into a caregiver with all that entails.
Grandpa has every right to refuse to leave the home as long as he is of sound mind.
Is grandma demented? has she been diagnosed?
Certain people like healthcare professionals and teachers are mandated reporters certainly for children. I am not sure of the law about the elderly but it is certainly the responsible thing to do. It can be done anonymously.
Have you tried giving grandma a break by helping in the home? It is all very well to look through the window and critisize.
How old are the grandparents and are you an adult yourself? Do they have other adult relatives?