My great uncle, who is more or less a grandfather figure to me has started to have delusions as well as, not being able to remember where he is while driving the streets. He has drove 70 years of his life and he will be 90 in February. The other day he didn't know how to get home and should not be still driving at all. He would never ever agree to go to a home or have a caregiver come into the house. He has convinced himself that his house is full of bugs and has paid numerous exterminators large sums of money to spray these bugs that do not exist, but the poor soul is convinced they are there. He falls asleep while cooking and almost burnt the house down. I do not know the steps to take or what to do. He has no children and no spouse. It is just him, his sister who is also in her 80's, me and my mother who is also not in good health. I just feel so lost and not sure what to do.
Now, being a guy, he might likely figure out the battery cable - there are fuses that could be removed as well. You may have to get creative in disabling the car, but the sooner the better! Once it does not work, you can "have it taken to shop" and keep putting him off as to when it will come back...
Relying on a doctor, the police or anyone else to tell him not to drive WILL NOT WORK! In our experience, most doctors do NOT want to intervene and having someone who works for a PD, they generally also do not want to get in the middle of it until AFTER the fact - too late then! Even IF doctor or PD will tell him and even IF the registry revokes the license, he is far enough along that this will NOT matter - if the car is still available and can be driven, he will likely do it. Consider people of "sound" mind who lose license to DUIs - it does not stop some of them!! He either will not remember being told not to drive AND/OR will not adhere to these instructions - I'm fine, I can drive, etc - this was mom's mantra... oh I don't go far... doesn't matter mom, you could go two feet and hit someone.
As for those companies that keep spraying, contact them and tell them to back off. They are, on some level, ripping him off (elder abuse?). Offer to spray for the bugs yourself, but just use water or something harmless if you know there aren't any.
He needs to be assessed by a doctor, or if he will not go, some aide companies will send an RN or Nurse practitioner to do the assessment in home (we went this route). From there you can seek out additional help and make plans. But for now, ensure he cannot drive and like someone said, disable the stove... does he have a microwave? might make for some safer cooking.... and yes, you can cook REAL food, not just "dinners", but he may be beyond that capability too (requires learning how to cook each item if he isn't used to it)
He needs to be medically evaluated but you don't have to start with a neurologist or neuropsychologist. In principle, a generalist can often make the diagnosis, especially if you bring in information about how long he's been having difficulties and what types of things he's having trouble with.
The clinician should check for reversible causes of cognitive impairment, because treating them can help him think better. But in people his age, it's really rare for them to go back to being cognitively intact. So your family should start planning for how you will support him through this.
I would recommend you start by contacting your local Alzheimer's association. BTW they have guidelines on driving and they provide guidance on when to intervene regarding driving (seems justified in this case), see here:
http://www.alz.org/documents_custom/statements/Driving_and_Dementia.pdf
You will need to see whether your granduncle is still able to give POA for health and legal to someone in the family. He has to have mental capacity to understand the documents, and of course, he has to be amenable.
You probably will eventually need to work with an elderlaw attorney, but as they are expensive, it's good to start by talking to the Alz Association, your local area agency on aging, and other resources first.
good luck.
So sorry you have to go thru this. Looks like you have enough on your plate. I would get his sister involved if she is of sound mind. My GF's mother was over 80 when she handled her husbands affairs and her SILs too. His sister is his closest relative. You can always help her with things she may not understand.
I so completely understand how lost you feel right now! I felt the same way when my father started to have delusions and couldn't drive anywhere but down the street without getting lost.
It is very hard to let go of the image you have of someone as capable and strong, especially when he has been a father or grandfather figure to you.
But take a deep breath, because now that you've noticed all of this, it's time for you to step up and be the one to take this situation in hand. There are definitely steps you can take to help him. Here are some suggestions:
1 - Take him to a neuropsychologist and have him evaluated. It will be about a three hour appointment, and the neuropsychologist will ask him a lot of questions. From there, a diagnosis can be made.
2 - Take him to a neurologist. They'll examine him, and possibly do an MRI of his brain. That way you can find out if there is anything organic happening that could be causing the issue. You can also have him checked for a UTI (urinary tract infection) if the delusions have come on suddenly. Sometimes UTI's can make our elders behave very strangely.
3 - You can remove his keys. If necessary, disable his car by disconnecting the battery. It is imperative to keep him off the road. This can be the hardest step, but it's absolutely necessary for the safety of your great uncle and of your community. (In our area, a man in his 90s crossed the median and caused a deadly head-on collision on the freeway just the other day. You do not want anything like that on your conscience.) If he does get diagnosed with dementia, his driver's license will probably be invalidated anyway.
4 - Because of the incidents with cooking and fires, you can call Adult Protective Services and report a case of "self neglect". They can send someone out to evaluate his situation, and can help you determine what steps to take to keep him out of danger.
5 - Call your local Area Agency on Aging and ask for a social worker to come out and do an evaluation of your great uncle's needs and environment. They can start to help him understand the need for more assistance, even if it's just having someone come into the home for a few hours every day to help him with cooking and basic chores.
If you feel overwhelmed, or if something comes up that you need help with, call the Alzheimer's Association hotline. There is an 800 number on their website that will take calls 24 hours a day. Trained staff will listen to your concerns and offer you practical advice. They aren't counselors, but it's amazing how much it helps to have someone who understands what's going on give you some practical steps to take.
Good luck. I know this is hard. Keep your chin up, and know that you're not alone. I hope you'll come back to this community for more support. There are some great people here who have your back. Take care.
At the very least, take his keys and let the local police know what is going on.
Its so hard when elders get into their 90s. And especially for men they don't want to give up their independence or driving. But given what you have said it is critical he stops driving before he gets into an accident that could kill him or someone else. I would consult with a social worker and see what options are available. He needs to be assessed because its not right that he has delusions. It could be so many things, his pills, his diet, mental decline from age. You are right to worry for his safety and need to start making plans for him.