She was on her own until this winter when a broken hip caused her to be in the hospital, nursing home and now assisted living. She has become increasingly socially withdrawn over the last 6-7 years and is refusing to be involved in any of the activities at the care center. Her emotions are very erratic. Usually she is alert and friendly, but can quickly and unexpectedly become enraged. She is very frustrated about her diminishing independence and increasing frailty. I am usually the one who gets to witness the rage though she at times will direct it toward the care staff. Once the rage starts both trying to get her to relax or trying to comfort her result in even greater loss of emotional control. Last week when this happened I told her I loved her but would need to leave when she acted that way, then left. I could hear her screams all the way to the front door. She has not wanted to discuss this situation, but also has not lost control since then. Any advice about how best to handle this?
Your mother needs medication to help curve these feelings of anger and depression. With dementia and Alzheimer's, the brain no longer produces chemical in the right balances and thus, the patient goes thru these bouts because there is one chemical or another out of balance in the brain. She would need to be seen by a psychiatrist or a neurogist to help with this situation. Good luck, I know it is very difficult.
All the previous answers are just great. I would like to add that there are other types of dementia. Narrowing down which type she has is best left to a gerontologist rather than a GP or internal medicine MD. Correctly figuring out which dementia she has can make a big difference in helping her. None of the medications reverse dementia but they seems to improve mental function and
awareness once in their system for a couple of months.
ALZ seems to be more responsive (they have better "awareness") to Aricept, Reminyl and Namenda.
My mom has Lewy Body Dementia & is on the Exelon patch. LBD is somewhat different in that they seem to have episodes rather than an overall constant decline like in ALZ. For her Exelon works.
Ones with vascular dementia or those with Frontotemporal dementia (Pick's)
seem to do better with medications usually associated with high blood pressure, plus it lowers the risk of a stroke which would lead to further brain damage.
The rage issue is especially hard - try not to take it personally - IMO what's she's really mad at is herself as she has lost control of her mental state, but they can't accept it and need to find someone(you) or something (medications) at fault. Alot of stuff they have been hiding or things they haven't resolved in the past come out. It's not the pretty stuff either. As the dementia progresses, the rage get's less. My mom has big amounts of bitterness and regret. I change the subject when it happens and if she persists, then I leave. Good luck.
Get your mom evaluated by a doctor and see what's going on. Although my mother-in-law has Alzheimer's officially now, not all Alz patients are created equal in their mental states. Could be your mom's anger is related to dementia/alz or something like that. If this is new behavior, then it's a problem.
She will likely adjust as she understands there's no alternative to her situation, but it could take time. The intensity of her anger is worrisome, however, so a doctor should look at anxiety medication, the chance of depression or dementia issues. I'm not suggesting they "drug her" to control her. But I am suggesting that she may have issues that are not being addressed. A good talk with her doctor should be forthcoming.
Take care of yourself, too,
Carol