I would never think to interfere with a friend's family or the care of their family members. It seems most of my dad's friends disagree. I believe my dad recruits them and encourages their behavior. That's most likely why. Dad is a narcissist.
(Backstory example) While caring for my mom and my dad was in the rehab for stroke, my dad's friends would call my mom tell her to erase all her appointments (pt, ot, visiting nurse) off the white board and that nothing was wrong with her. She has dementia (Alzheimer's and vascular). She was also acting a bit kooky from a UTI. They would bring her cigarettes and open wine bottles for her. She's a fall risk and set her own hair on fire. She didn't call ems while my dad dragged himself across the room during a stroke. She smoked cigarettes in his face.
Last night while I'm getting my 5 yr old ready for bed, the cops show up to my house. My ring goes off, I see them looking through windows. I got scared I thought something may have happened to my husband at work. We bought the house from my parents Dec 2021. The officers were looking for my father, a concerned party called them. Wait, what???? I get even more scared. I said he doesn't live with us. He moved and is now in a nursing home with my mother who has dementia. I call my father he answers his phone. I asked the officers who made the inquiry, they won't say. They take some info and leave.
My father called back from his cell phone, I explained what happened. I told him I'm really upset, super anxious. It's also embarrassing having cops roll up to your home. My little one is watching everything. My husband was at work. I told him he needs to address his friends. Never had these people had such an interest in my dad until recently. They weren't at family holidays or dinners etc. My dad laughs at me and hangs up.
Anyway, I called him back I told him this isn't a joke, it's awful to deal with. He started making fun of me. I told him he's selfish and his friends are wackos. I told him to keep them away from me and my family. The call wasn't my best moment. If he's not returning his friends calls, maybe he just doesn't want to speak to them...I don't think I should be dealing with the cops, because they're not getting return phone calls. I think it's insane. I do not talk to his friends or have contact information.
Im ranting, sorry.
Sorry to say it, but this may get worse unless dad kicks the bucket.
Tell the staff at the NH you are going no contact with your father because of the pranks he is playing. You all so want nothing to do with his care. If they have to, contact the State to become his guardian. That you will continue to be in contact with Mom and visit once a month. Feel free to call you with any emergencies concerning mom or something she may need. But Dad, he can care for himself.
You have to get rid of what causes your anxiety, not live with it.
I already explained that to the head nurse there that I don't speak with my dad, but I do with my mom. He won't put a phone in her room, because she forgets to hang it up. So I still have to interact if he answers the phone. I'm going to wait a bit before I call again though.
I am sure it was disconcerting to have the police come to the door. Would frighten me half to death thinking someone I loved had been hurt or worse. But just calmly handle the matter and explain. You can explain even to your children and to neighbors that grandpa/dad is having a senior moment.
It's really the best you can do I think. Eventually the police will get used to these calls and field them more easily.
You say that when you attempted to discuss all this with Dad he made fun of you. To be honest, I can't tell if Dad is not very competent, or just mean. If the former there's not much to be done excepting discussing phone access with the faciliity.
If the latter, then I would withdraw attention and visits and calls from him. Every action has a consequence for those of us who ARE of a rational mind.
I sure do wish you good luck.
You're very right...I can't control any of it. Geez, it's frustrating to say the least. Bizarro-world.
Hopefully the Police incident was a one-off. I'd explain the truth to my child - that G'Dad's friends were worried about him so they called the Police.. That it was a good thing the Police came looking, to make sure he was safe. But he IS safe in his NEW home.
What a shock! I can understand being embarrassed at the time.. but shake it off. Just some old codger didn't know or remember their mate was in a NH now.. probably a nice change for the Police from all the other cr@p call-outs that night. Or a relief not to have a missing person to find.
Wishing you a more peaceful week.
When the officers came to my home I told them that they're in the nursing home. My feeling is he's not returning some of his friends calls. I don't know how the action of not returning personal calls warrants phone calls to the police for well checks though. It's mind boggling to me.
It just stinks I have to deal with cops coming to my house, because my dad is rejecting some of his "friends".
My dad creates chaos. He doesn't feel bad about any of this. I think he gets a kick out of all the drama.