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Look at it this way and with humor. If they can be convinced that all their imaginings and fears are groundless then they are NOT hypochondriacs. If she is obsessed with her health know that as we age we DO get a myriad of aches and pains (I am 80; I know!), and we do know more on a subconscious level that the grim reaper is knocking on the door, or at least lurking on the doorstep. We fear what we may face toward our end and we fear for those we love. So a lot of that is normal, and it makes us worry over every little sign that this current ache in the knees (neck, back, you name it) will take us down. I would encourage Mom to see her doc, measure her own blood pressure, take a daily multivit, be certain to get out and walk, form friends and hobbies (knitting, podcasts, gardening, baking, writing). I would LISTEN. I would ask her what she tried, if she talked with her doc, and etc. Your very act of listening may be the cure for some of this. You can listen to me now and in perhaps four decades will know, we get pretty achy and pretty worried. When you get there you will remember I told you so! Hee hee. My best to you and to your mom as well.
Your profile says one of the health issues you Mom has is anxiety. I think you will have more success if you help her treat the anxiety than if you try to convince her that her health issues aren't real -- especially if she has the beginnings of cognitive decline/dementia, then she is much less able to use her reason and logic to bring herself around since these abilities are disappearing.
IMO elders begin to hyper-focus on themselves and minutae because they have less things to distract them all day, and/or they have not come to grips with mortality and have a fear of dying. My own Mother is doing this more and more (age 93). When she winds up about some health problem I tell her a therapeutic fib that the doc can't see her for at least a week. Ofter her "crisis" will be forgotten or resolve itself.
Maybe consider hiring a companion aid for your Mom or try adult day care.
Breeze59, welcome to the forum. When it comes to being a hypochondriac, there is no way to convince someone that they are a "hypochondriac". I use to be one many years ago but was able to crawl out of that quagmire.
My hubby is one. Anytime he has a rare headache, it's a brain tumor. If his stomach is upset, it must be the start of colon cancer. The list goes on and on. It can be exhausting. I found what works best for me is to just ignore. I just hope I don't ignore if and when something is actually serious.
Hubby's grown daughter is also one. She is now half way through the alphabet of major illnesses.
Doctors are pretty good as to sorting out real health issues from issues that either don't exist or are not as serious as the patient believe.
My mother has always been a hypochondriac, now known as a "health anxiety disorder". We always thought she was a worrier, now I understand she has suffered from Generalized Anxiety Disorder all of her life. Now that she is older and actually has more health problems and time to worry about them - well, let's just say I have mother-induced anxiety disorder. Trying to convince her that something is not wrong is counter-productive - she thinks others are ignoring real problems, don't understand, gets angry that others are not listening to her, etc. I have a fear that I will dismiss a real health issue because I am so used to blocking out her complaints. I agree with others that have noted that the best course is to allay her anxiety overall, which could include medication. One thing I have noted is that often my mother seems to be worrying about something that is really not that important. Then I realize there is something else that is actually worrying her more, something more serious, and her way of dealing with it is to worry about the more inconsequential matter to distract herself.
I don’t know what you can do about this. My husband’s grandmother was like your mom.
Oh my gosh, one time she said to me, “My hair hurts!” So I said, “Do you mean that your scalp is hurting?” She said, “No, my hair!”
I told her that it was impossible for her hair to hurt! She insisted that it did. I let it go and thought that this was another one of her insane thoughts.
Yes, It’s crazy! Some people have so much anxiety that everything is a big deal and if there isn’t a problem they will make something up.
I feel your pain. It’s incredibly frustrating. I started ignoring my husband’s grandmother. Or I would just go along with whatever she said. If she made up a crazy symptom like her hair hurting, I would just tell her something like, “Oh, that’s too bad. I hope it stops hurting soon.” She was looking for attention. It made no sense to argue a point with her. It’s a waste of time and energy.
Yep, Bandy. She claimed her hair hurt. Believe me when I say that the majority of the stuff that she said made no sense at all. It was bizarre!
My husband’s older brother and I would describe it as ‘free entertainment!’ It was so ridiculous that it was extremely hilarious.
Unfortunately, she drove her daughter, my sweet mother in law absolutely crazy. I believe that my husband’s grandmother was mentally ill.
It was sad that she lived a charmed life and was never happy. She seemed to thoroughly enjoy misery and wanted everyone else to be miserable along with her. I had to limit my time with her because she could work on my nerves.
The "cure" for hypochondria is developing an actual disease that is terminal or life-threatening. With less serious concerns, you might suggest your mother notice if the symptoms persist for two weeks, If the same problem is still worrying her, you or she can make an appt with her doctor. Whatever she was first worried about might be completely forgotten. Something new? Two weeks for that one, too. At her regular 6-month or annual health check-up, she can go over her list of concerns with her doctor. It is not necessary that she believes or accepts the label "hypochondriac.". Don't waste time and energy trying to convince her of a label.
Breeze59: I've known one or two individuals who were never well, according to them. These are the type of individuals who you may say 'be careful what you wish for' - The doctor's given them a clean bill of health, but the person is sure that they're quite ill.
People who are hypochondriacs do not think they are. You might speak privately with her doctor or his nurse. However, I don’t know if there is any medication or treatment. What is it that you are wanting, just confirmation?
Does she ask constantly to be taken to the doctor for every little pain? And your the one that needs to take her. Well maybe you should direct her to your County Senior bussing. They usually need 48 hrs notice to take a client to an appt. Maybe if Mom had to make the call and wait 48 hrs to go, she would stop complaining. You could say you think its all in her head. Its like the boy who cried wolf. He said it so much that when there finally was a wolf no one game. Really, even her doctors could get to the point she is not taken seriously. I am big on I know my body better than anyone. I am not one to go to the doctors all the time so when I think something is wrong, my doctor better listen.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If she is obsessed with her health know that as we age we DO get a myriad of aches and pains (I am 80; I know!), and we do know more on a subconscious level that the grim reaper is knocking on the door, or at least lurking on the doorstep. We fear what we may face toward our end and we fear for those we love. So a lot of that is normal, and it makes us worry over every little sign that this current ache in the knees (neck, back, you name it) will take us down.
I would encourage Mom to see her doc, measure her own blood pressure, take a daily multivit, be certain to get out and walk, form friends and hobbies (knitting, podcasts, gardening, baking, writing). I would LISTEN. I would ask her what she tried, if she talked with her doc, and etc. Your very act of listening may be the cure for some of this.
You can listen to me now and in perhaps four decades will know, we get pretty achy and pretty worried. When you get there you will remember I told you so! Hee hee.
My best to you and to your mom as well.
IMO elders begin to hyper-focus on themselves and minutae because they have less things to distract them all day, and/or they have not come to grips with mortality and have a fear of dying. My own Mother is doing this more and more (age 93). When she winds up about some health problem I tell her a therapeutic fib that the doc can't see her for at least a week. Ofter her "crisis" will be forgotten or resolve itself.
Maybe consider hiring a companion aid for your Mom or try adult day care.
My hubby is one. Anytime he has a rare headache, it's a brain tumor. If his stomach is upset, it must be the start of colon cancer. The list goes on and on. It can be exhausting. I found what works best for me is to just ignore. I just hope I don't ignore if and when something is actually serious.
Hubby's grown daughter is also one. She is now half way through the alphabet of major illnesses.
Doctors are pretty good as to sorting out real health issues from issues that either don't exist or are not as serious as the patient believe.
I have a fear that I will dismiss a real health issue because I am so used to blocking out her complaints. I agree with others that have noted that the best course is to allay her anxiety overall, which could include medication.
One thing I have noted is that often my mother seems to be worrying about something that is really not that important. Then I realize there is something else that is actually worrying her more, something more serious, and her way of dealing with it is to worry about the more inconsequential matter to distract herself.
Oh my gosh, one time she said to me, “My hair hurts!” So I said, “Do you mean that your scalp is hurting?” She said, “No, my hair!”
I told her that it was impossible for her hair to hurt! She insisted that it did. I let it go and thought that this was another one of her insane thoughts.
Yes, It’s crazy! Some people have so much anxiety that everything is a big deal and if there isn’t a problem they will make something up.
I feel your pain. It’s incredibly frustrating. I started ignoring my husband’s grandmother. Or I would just go along with whatever she said. If she made up a crazy symptom like her hair hurting, I would just tell her something like, “Oh, that’s too bad. I hope it stops hurting soon.” She was looking for attention. It made no sense to argue a point with her. It’s a waste of time and energy.
Do you think meds for anxiety would help her?
My husband’s older brother and I would describe it as ‘free entertainment!’ It was so ridiculous that it was extremely hilarious.
Unfortunately, she drove her daughter, my sweet mother in law absolutely crazy. I believe that my husband’s grandmother was mentally ill.
It was sad that she lived a charmed life and was never happy. She seemed to thoroughly enjoy misery and wanted everyone else to be miserable along with her. I had to limit my time with her because she could work on my nerves.
Your profile says that you are 64, so your mom is in her 80's.
What makes you think she's a hypochondriac?
Do you attend her doctor's appointments with her?
More information will get you better answers from us.
It is not necessary that she believes or accepts the label "hypochondriac.". Don't waste time and energy trying to convince her of a label.
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