Having to empty mom's house, getting ready to sell. This is so hard.

It doesn't have to be hard. Keep 5 items that have a strong emotional attachment, and do away with the rest.

I know it's hard. My dad, bless his heart, knew he was leaving a mess for me to deal with, so he tried to clean out some things on his own. The problem was, he wanted every single item to find a forever home, not to just be gotten rid of. (My folks have beautiful things, too.)

It was becoming impossible to make any headway, so I finally told him to just enjoy his things while he could, and I'd take care of everything when he was no longer using them.

My folks have been out of the house for three years (Dad died, Mom into MC), and we still haven't tackled the house. However, I know that these items will find a home, because we'll have an estate sale and literally everything down to half-empty shampoo bottles will be up for sale. I had a neighbor who successfully sold half-empty shampoo bottles, so we're doing it too, by golly.

Just tell yourself that everything that's meant to find a home will find a home. Consider hiring an estate sale company, and they'll do all the work for a cut of the proceeds.

Daughter1999, you're so right; this is very hard; it's like a forced good-bye to your parents, their home, all your memories, and so much that was a critical part of your life, and that's a very difficult task.   

I started off with a good plan, but ran into so many complications, not from parting with items as much as with finding good contractors.

First was with my sister's house, and I saved a lot, as witnessed by the over-flowing closet and garage at my house.   Now, those items aren't as unique as the memories, and I have no qualms parting with them.   Time does heal wounds.

The clothes will go to Salvation Army, Purple Heart or Vietnam Veterans. 

As to my father's house, after 1 good contractor and then three who were focused only on what could be resold, I took a different tact and researched Veteran owned companies, deciding along the way that this would be my priority.   And I found a great one.

It was top notch, flexible, cooperative and dependable.  They could dismantle items that the second contractor refused to even consider.    And the workers were young, in their 30's.   Once a Marine on leave joined the team!  (Imagine, breaking down a garden shed and packing up pots for trash while on leave from the Corps!)

As to sale of the property, of 4 realtors, only one volunteered to give an estimate and suggestions before the house and property were ready.  It was also a Veteran owned company.  They'll get the listing.

Along the way, I worked a little bit at a time with the "memory" items, eventually needing a long break b/c it was so emotional.  I decided though that the extra cost of maintaining the break in the interim was worth it, and I'm glad I took that break.  

If I were to do things over though, I would do as I did with my sister's belongings:   move them to a rental unit, and gradually go through, remove and dispose of them.  That way I could proceed with disposing of the house.

Even since my father died,  I was pestered by people who claimed to be interested but were just nosy.    So I stopped that.  Now I've found someone who really seems to be serious and also wants to help with various aspects of the clean-up and clean-out tasks.   So I can leave the ones who only want to clean up the items that they can resell and the wanna be flippers.

Another aspect on which I was intent was to find, if possible, entities that could benefit from some of the DIY, industrial and workshop equipment.  I really lucked out.  I found 2 building trade folk art schools interested in the tools and equipment, and the steel sheets.  Both are 501(c)(3) entities, so I'll get a tax deduction for any donations.  And one even has a free use day for Veterans to use the workshop equipment, for free.  

The biggest part left is the heavy-duty lifting, but my Veteran-owned junk removal company has moving equipment, and the owner didn't seem to think moving the big stuff would be a problem.

Contractors have singled out some items that are collectibles (I could literally see them drooling as they ogled the items):   an old mangle, an old 2 stage electric stove, a grandfather clock, homemade furniture my father and his grandfather made, and other items like a drafting board that can be donated.   I did contact Henry Ford Museum about donations and rec'd a form to complete and return with a photo, but their "consideration period" is 6 months.

One disturbing and disappointing aspect I discovered is that people who want freebies "come out of the walls", and have no compunction about asking for what they want.   The first "junk" removal outfit took only steel items; I didn't figure out what they were doing until they were through, showed me the bill and pointed out where to add the tip!

One of the neighbors caught a woman who came over to dig up some of the flowers!    Neither of us knew who this thief was, or how she decided that she should have her pick of the garden.

This is a good reason to not do this to our own kids. After going through my husbands parents home I’m sickened by excess. I now live extremely simply. Now we are looking at going through my own mom’s stuff. We are going to open the house to all her descendants and let them have a free for all. Then taking stuff to the Salvation Army and renting a giant dumpster. We need to sell her big house to pay for her care.

I’m in the middle of selling my dad’s home. There are many emotions tied to his home and property. I gave items to his dear friends and siblings…things I thought he would like them to have. I gave his clothing to a program that helps men find jobs. I still have many items. I will move them to my garage and give things time to settle in my own mind. There is a contract on his house and we close next month. I spent a few minutes alone in his house before the realtor attached the lock box. I “told” my dad that I did my best to care for and respect his home, belongings and property. I “told” him I would honor him and his home with a fair sale. My dad died last August and I cannot continue to maintain his home and property 4 hours away. Anyway, I felt a sense of peace and confidence to move forward. Thankfully, his home was neat and without a lot of “stuff.” Had that not been the case, I would have hired someone to hold an estate sale.

I'm in the same position as you. My mother moved into a board and care because she will never be allowed to live alone. I have to clear out her 3 bedroom house to get it ready for repairs and sale. Unfortunately my mothers house is cluttered with old furniture and nicknacks which she collected most of her life. I guess I would start by allowing family members to take what they want first, then have a yard sale. What's left can be donated or disposed of. I thought I could do this but it is very hard.

Same. One daughter-in-law is going to try to sell online all the furniture that is left after family took what they wanted, which was hardly anything. 75 years of accumulations to go through is too much for me to do quickly. I spend only 3 hours at a time. When my grandmother died I took most of her clothes because they were my colors and styles, but my mom's things are not what I would ever want. I'm giving away most of it to Vietnam Veterans. Some things are really sad to get rid of, the things my parents really liked and that describe who they were.

I am sure it is hard for you with all the memories.I found myself with 3 homes in our garage. I gave lots of things to the Salvation Army. They will pick things up if you make an appointment. I would not be good at yard sales. I would probably give most away. I will be calling them to pick up furniture. My cousin had a yard sale and did not make much money. Too consuming to say the least.

Ran out of space....second part.

I would avoid any situation of advertising and holding an "open house" for people to come and choose what they might want.   I only know a few people who did this, but they each experienced attempted theft.   You really would need "eyes" on all angles to ensure that items don't just get removed when you're not looking.

Salvation Army, Purple Heart and I believe the Vietnam Veterans' organizations will all come to the home and pick up items.  

Clothes can be donated as well to care institutions:  when my father died, the DON at his palliative care facility asked whether I wanted to leave his clothes for other residents.

If I were if your place, I would look first at the items she won't need, and that you don't need either, such as furniture, sheets, kitchen items, etc.   Box up the personal items and wait until you feel up to facing them and all the memories they bring.

And do take breaks when you begin to feel overwhelmed or emotional.


What really surprised me was finding old photos, and letters.   When I'm emotionally strong, I go through them, and have learned so much more about my family.   Some of the letters are by my parents during WWII, when Dad was stationed in Texas.    Those are often very, very  emotional though.

pickupsforvets.org