Not sure where to begin. I live with my own family a few states away but am here temporarily (a few weeks) with them to assess their needs. Dad is self sufficient with mild dementia that walks with assistance of cane. Mom is disabled with COPD. As of a few weeks ago Mom is recliner chair bound (sleeps, eats and rests in recliner). She requires assistance from recliner to portable potty that is in close proximity to her recliner (she allows only Dad’s assistance with moving from recliner to potty and back). Mom is unable to walk though she does have a prosthetic for her right leg and has a walker to assist her. I have tried to get her to see her doctor while I’m here but she doesn’t want to leave the house. She doesn’t have much of an appetite, says nothing tastes good. I have been doing their grocery shopping and medical prescriptions delivery online for the last couple of months from afar, which has worked out okay though I am concerned about their nutritional needs and have considered a meal delivery service. I feel overwhelmed because I don’t know how or where to start to get them some assistance. I am an only child so no siblings or friends that can help. They don’t qualify for medicaid because their income is beyond the threshold.
Believe it or not one of the best things you can do for them right now is to NOT bend over backwards to prop them up. The sooner they can see how independent they are NOT the sooner they can get the help they will need.
Tell us more if you like, there are a lot of experienced and kind people around here.
We've seen so many posters on here with exactly the same problem. Considering your parents' issues, keeping them at home is going to be more than you can manage from a distance or even if you lived close by. I suggest you start looking at continuum of care facilities for them. These places will have an assortment of living arrangements so that dad can be in memory care while mom is in assisted living on the same campus. Their needs will be met by professionals (not you), and they'll be able to spend plenty of time together if they wish. You should go on a tour of some ASAP, and also look at some that aren't continuum of care, such as memory care that accepts assisted living cases where mom and dad can be in the same building even though she doesn't need memory care yet.
It's difficult to realize that mom and dad can no longer live at home, but that's often the case. If you decided to go that route, you would be the manager of all of it. Caregivers who don't show up, get sick, quit; deliveries that don't arrive but parents don't tell you; things that break in the house such as the dishwasher, washing machine, electrical items, refrigerator - all on you to fix. A care home manages almost everything, reports to you, provides entertainment, an onsite clinic with 24/7 nurse and doctor on call, and trained aides who have done it and seen it all before. It's a much better situation, and you don't have to muddle through alone as you are now.
I took care of 2 parents at home for 5+ years, and my husband now resides in an excellent memory care place. I'd never take on the parents-at-home thing again! I know where to find better care for an elder now and am sorry I didn't do it before. Good luck as you navigate your parents' aging; the key is to start thinking that you need to keep it easy on yourself because your comfort and convenience is just as important as their needs. (AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT MOVING THEM IN WITH YOU! OR YOU MOVING IN WITH THEM! That is the worst thing you could possibly do. Seriously.)
With your dad having dementia though, they need more help than just the meal plan. If they are very rich, perhaps they can afford shifts from an agency whose job it is to supervise aides, or they are looking to be swindled by the next Indy who doesn’t have you looking over their shoulder while they get mom to pay for their bonuses, their cruises, bringing their kids there, etc. Otherwise, it’s time to look at facilities.
Go to your nearest reptile store if you have to and buy some giant roaches or dead mice to supplant your therapeutic fib that extermination is needed if you have to. They really aren’t safe living by themselves and any remote aide situation other than an agency likely will end in them being ripped off.
But the main point I want to make is that you cannot sell their house on their behalf unless you have an active financial power of attorney that spells out that you are allowed to buy and sell "real property' on their behalf. In that case you'll probably need the POA to be put together by an attorney rather than a DIY.
I hope you can convince them to make a move and to sell their home to fund a nice assisted living and/or memory care. Most of our elders are pretty stubborn and adamant that they don't want to move, which can really drag things out. Remember not to prop them up! Don't let them believe they're independent and you just help out a little. Let the time come for them to make the move sooner rather than later.