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My sister is in a new assisted living/mc facility. Her other facility became too expensive. I’d have her at home but I’m going through chemo. I’m really wanting to bring her home for Christmas and possibly every weekend. She’s at a level 2 care. She’s pretty unhappy at this facility. She was without cable for her tv, they never hooked up her laptop to WiFi. They took her room key and cell phone away because she kept leaving them around. The place seemed deserted yesterday when I was finally able to visit her, she’s been there about a month. I wonder if families took them home. I was told all they were doing for Christmas was hot chocolate. I didn’t see a Christmas tree. Bringing her home will cause her to get upset to go back but it’s hard to leave her there. Me, my daughter and son would bring her gifts but is that good enough? Could frequent visits home become a new routine for her or become a nightmare?

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Well since you posted your question under Alzheimer's & Dementia, I will remind you that folks with any of the dementias do much better with routine and with not having their routine disrupted.
So every time you would take your sister out of her routine, it would throw her off and you risk having her be agitated and having to readjust every time.
Is it worth it? I don't believe so, but that is my opinion that I have drawn from my own personal experience with my late husband who had vascular dementia.
Any time his routine was disrupted in any way, there was usually hell to pay and I was always the recipient of said hell.
You have to now do what is best for your sister, and that may just mean bringing the Christmas celebration to her at her facility. And it doesn't have to on Christmas day, but whatever day works for you and the rest of your family. You can all bring some goodies/treats to share and just enjoy each other.
And most facilities have rooms that you can reserve for family gettogethers as well to make it feel a bit more festive.
Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas!
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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No one relishes being in a facility... even my MIL who was in an excellent, beautiful one on a lake with an amazing, attentive staff and great care. At every visit she'd ask when she could "get out of this place". Most of this was her moderate cognitive impairment.

Please understand that your sister with cognitive impairment doesn't get to "drive your bus". Dementia causes people to lose their logic and reason and they stop having empathy for others, so she won't care how her attitude and demands impact your chemo and wellbeing.

I would opt to go visit her, decorate her room, eat meals with her, bring the holidays to her but do not take her to live with you. Even if she lived with you the probability she will continue to complain and be unhappy is very likely -- just read the scads of posts on this forum on this phenomenom.

And yes, your sister will have trouble adjusting and readjusting to going in and out. It is difficult emotionally but trust the advice of those on this forum who have "been there and done that".
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Reply to Geaton777
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Taking her home may make YOU feel better but will be detrimental to her.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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Nothing done for those that aren't leaving the facility? I too recommend taking Christmas to her. No decorations? I wish I could send pictures of how my Daughter and team decorated for Christmas. Take Christmas to her.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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That depends.
We really don't know her and can't guess how she would react to coming home.
First question is whether or not this is doable for YOU because you need to self care.
Second is whether giving a try at a few visits home make her MORE content or LESS so.
Then you go from there.
Good luck!
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Don't blame sis, This sounds like "torture". Being in one for a short time, Facility did not do much for the holidays, thankfully; just a few lights on the wall,. Nurses were nice to pass out stockings to the residents (with candy canes); nice touch. There was secret santa as well. That was mostly about it.
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Reply to cover9339
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LoopyLoo Dec 23, 2024
Unhappy, sure. Torture?! NO.
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