How can I get my adult son to accept help from others?

Hi, it’s good to reach out in the best way you can, I hope others here also have some thoughts or encouragement to share as well, maybe talk to a disability advocate since he’s blind, that was a thought or a social worker? Another possible option is asking him if he would be open to going with you to talk to someone such as a counselor or social worker, to have a setting to explore your concerns with him and the counselor may have some helpful feedback for both of you

You are correct. As long as he is mentally competent you cannot control him. What do you think he needs the most help with? Are these things that he cannot see himself? Or are they things he is aware of but doesn't want to address?

Is something else going on that requires him to have 24/7 care? Because I don't think that blindness means that.

I have a friend that lived alone with her seeing eye dog until she married. She married a blind man and they live together with someone coming in to do things that they just can't but, they would both be upset if they were told they needed 24 hour assistance.

As Hannah has said many times, I am blind not stupid, sheesh! Says it all for me.

Have you had any assistance coming to terms with his situation? Maybe some family therapy would help everyone know what they should expect.

The job of a caregiver (parent) like yourself, is to foster as much safe independence as possible, at any age. It is your son's job to struggle for that independence and become self-reliant as much as possible.

He does need someone with him, you say. And I can understand that.

To do that, maybe you are driving him places?
Hire someone to drive him, accompany him, that will treat him as their equal, not as his parent.

Try to allow him to come to you and ASK for help. Stop offering.

That is all I've got for now. A person dependent upon others often rebels at some point towards the very people that they depend upon, resenting them.

Take a class from the people who support the blind, on how to support him.

To answer the question concerning what I am worried about, it is him maybe using the wrong product such as, putting his dish detergent in the shower thinking it's body wash. I am worried about him trying to do things he can't and getting hurt.

he wants to start cooking for himself, and even though he can use a microwave and a toaster, he wants to learn to use the stove, and I don't want him getting burned or undercooking his food. 

I also don't want him associating with people who don't care about him and might take advantage of him. I don't want him doing unhealthy things that put him in dangerous situations.

He was married before, and she knew he needed a little extra help. Everything seemed fine, but they didn't see eye to eye. He lives in a one bedroom apartment by himself, and I want him to live with someone. I'd like someone to go places with him also, but not for someone to take care of him like a nurse.

He needs someone who has his best interest at heart to be there to stop him when he's doing something he shouldn't. He doesn't always know what's going on around him.

He also talks to anyone and everyone, so I'm worried he'll strike up a conversation with some criminal. I can see if a person looks unsavory, but he can't. 

My best friend's daughter takes the bus, and she saw Brent just casually chatting with this guy who had these tatoos all over his arms, and she said it looked like something related to a street gang.

Even though I don't think of him as an alcoholic, I know he drinks, and I don't like the bars he goes to. They are convenient for him being only a couple blocks away, but they are trashy places full of rough-looking people, and there's no telling what kind of person he might meet there. 

Something else I would like is for someone to help him with his finances. I think he gets confused. He has misunderstood things before and been automaticly charged. He's had his card declined when out with me and not known why. He talks about wanting to trade stocks like these Wall St. people, and I don't think he knows what he's doing. He thinks he can just start by donloading some app.


He has non24, but he won't go to the doctor about it. He'll stay up late some nights, and sleep until lunchtime. He likes to get out and walk around in the middle of the night. I was coming home late from a get-together with friends one night and caught him doing it. He just wanted to get some beer from the liquor store. He acted like he could just go get it, like a sighted person.

I also became worried when I foundout he's using these shady websites to meet women. I know what kind of people you can run in to online. They could scam him out of his money, hurt him, anything. I saw a new friend on his Facebook list, and I asked him about her. He wants to try seeing her. I took one look at her profile and. She drinks at those same dodgy bars, she brags about some tatoo she just got, and she makes these political posts about that disgusting marijuana, and how it should be legal. I sure hope he isn't doing drugs just to fit in with these people.

I couldn't convince him not to see her, so I had a little talk with her myself. I tried to get her to understand that he needs help sometimes. She seemed doubtful, and I think she just wrote me off as an overprotective mother. She doesn't comprehend what it means to be in a relationship with a person who has a disability.


What about guardianship? Is it like having a power of attorney? I can't get him to let me do that, but I read that it wouldn't help in this instance anyway, because you can only make decisions if the person is unconscious.

Is his blindness from birth, accident or more recent. I will go with more recent. My question is, why has he not gotten training to help him live with his blindness. Everything you mention, he can be taught to use.

I suggest you contact ur Disabilities Dept in your County. Your State Dept for the blind. I will assume he gets SS disability. If not, he should. And no, you would not be able to get guardianship because he is competent to make his own decisions. I understand your concern but he is an adult. He could be doing the same things if he could see. He needs to learn how to live blind. You don't want to disable him, you want to able him. He needs to be as independent as possible.

Karen, I don't have any particular insights into adapting to sight loss other than to contact associations for the blind, and ask what they would recommend as adaptive techniques.   I think they'd be the best sources.  

Does he know Braille?  

The "iffy" bars and friends are definitely a concern; I don't really have any insights or suggestions but wanted to validate your concerns.   They're certainly legitimate.  

Perhaps some groups of others in similar situation, such as support groups through hospitals or associations for the blind might offer more appropriate companionship.

I understand what you are saying about grabbing the wrong thing. That would mean an aide of somekind. But there must be blind people thatvare on their own and shop and cook for themselves. I knew a girl that went to college and learned how to get around the college on her own. My cousin went to the same college and saw her.

As I wrote before, contact your local agencies and see if they can help. Our senior bussing here takes people shopping. One of the drivers told me she goes in with the people. Office of Aging provides busses. Yes its for Seniors but disabled can ride too. O of A maybe able to help you with resources too.

I have to address the dish soap vs shampoo. That is not a concern, they have basically the same ingredients and lots of people use dawn dish soap as shampoo.

I think that you need to seek some counseling for yourself. I agree with your son, someone that has been in prison has paid their debt to society and deserves to be treated as they behave now. You can not make people pay for bad choices forever, it is unfair.

You will drive a permanent wedge between you and your son if you don't stop with your behavior. You don't want to do that, because you would not be the winner and quite frankly, you are creating a situation that justifies even more potentially risking behaviors.

Try to trust him and just love him, regardless of his choices and see if he doesn't appreciate it more than you treating him like an invalid incapable of making his own decisions. He is a competent young man, please don't define him by his physical challenges.

I know blind adults and none of them have someone living with them.

Does your son have diagnosed mental health or addiction issues, since you mention those?

Having tattoos does not mean someone is a gang member. Most Americans think marijuana should be legalized.

You appear to hold many misconceptions about life. Let your son live HIS life.