I typed in a similar question into google search engine “how to kick my mom out” and this website came up, I am asking for help because I am probably at my lowest point in life... I have a 13 month old son and my life hasn’t gone back to our “normal” since before he was born. I had to be pregnant and welcome my son while living in our 1 bedroom apartment. Living with us during this special moment in our life’s is my mom and my 8 siblings. 4 of them are adults the rest are teens-pre teens. If you have kids I’m sure you can imagine the chaos this can cause.
They moved in March 8th 2018. My mom and my oldest sister (25) at the time allowed theirselves to be evicted with all the kids living with them in a 4 bedroom town home with the rent being very, very affordable (we pay $400 more here- it was low income living). Both of their cars had gotten repo-ed which my immediate reaction was to lend them my 2nd car. I initially only planned to let them borrow my car until tax season, until they bought themselves a new car. My mom and sister both made the same $18/hour, my other 3 adult siblings had no job, making no income, and none of which attended college. My dad is a drug addict in Mexico he was deported 8-9 years ago.
My husband and I lived with my mom until April of 2016. At this time It was time for our own privacy and space (plus me and my mom weren’t really getting along anymore) mainly because my siblings were unemployed and not contributing to rent but me and my “fiancé” (then) paid rent and mainly anything that my mom needed money for; we didn’t eat dinner at home, always ate out and I stopped worrying about cleaning taking care of my little brothers around the same time (2016). When we moved out my mom was no happy and bitter, didn’t congratulate us nor seem happy for us. This made my sister get a job ASAP because she need to “help my mom”. After I moved out things where good, I missed them more, I enjoyed visiting them, etc. (2017) This apartment lease lasted us a year and we decide to not release because we wanted to try and apply at my moms apartment (with no plan b) we moved out, put our things in a storage and moved in with my mom for what was supposed to be “2 weeks” or like she said “until the wedding” October 2017. After one week I applied for the apartments and was denied, I was confident we would qualify, we didn’t. After 2 weeks of having no respect, no space, and no peace and quiet I wanted to get out. We had to sleep in a air mattress in the living room while they all remained in there ALL night. Eventually me and my husband saved enough to move out to this one bedroom we are all in now.
Me and my husband have been together 10 years. We moved into this apt July 2017, married October 2017, conceived Jan 2018. My family moved in MARCH 2018. I have yet to enjoy my life as a family of 3. We didn’t get calm before the storm (newborn), we didn’t get to enjoy the newborn phase ALONE. All this has been haunting me for almost 2 years now. Me and my husband where falling apart until we both reached out for therapy separately.
I need help to stand up for myself and ask my mom to move out because she seems to not be affected by this other then when I demand certain things to be cleaned, dealt with, done around this small apartment. She plays the victim and will ignore everyone all day while she watches tv on her phone. I am very very depressed right now even tho the “solution” was for US to move out. My husband, my child, and I. For us to move out into another apartment and just let her have this one until the lease is up (not reviewing the lease) just allowing her to live in it until the lease is up in July. But I can’t live with this choice without feeling like I’ve lost because now WE have to save for security deposit, first months rent all while still paying our bills (car,light,phone bill, groceries, baby necessities).
How can I word my request without breaking down on her? I hate crying.
I realize it can be difficult but you just have to explain this is the life you need to live and cannot house other family. That still goes back to why they left their apartment
.
OP and her husband can change the locks and throw their stuff out, as long as none of them are on the lease. Whoever is on the lease can live there. No one else except minor children of the lease holders. And with a one bedroom, the three of them would be max occupancy.
I wish them luck and a stiff backbone. They are going to need it. Frankly I am surprised the husband hasn't bailed on this trainwreck.
Sounds like theres way too many in a one bed apartment. So the suggestion re checking how many permitted is a good one.
So what if you cry - hormones affect new mums - blame that! Get your husband to instigate the conversation re their stay was supposed to be temporary and that - since no progress - after 20 months - due to numbers permitted - they have 30 days as of NOW to find new accommodation.
Get your doctor on board too - you need time to just be a mum and wife.
Once they've gone focus focus on your husband and baby.
I wish you, hubby and baby every happiness in your life together.
Tomorrow, announce to your mom that you want the current living situation to end. A few suggestions to start the conversation:
"Mom, I need to have my apartment back. It's too small and too stressful for me to have too many people living in this little apartment. How soon can you and the others move out?" or
"Mom, you said you would only stay temporarily. It's been ___ months. I need my apartment back. How soon can you and the others move out?" or
"Mom, the manager said we couldn't have umpteen people living in this one bedroom apartment. I need you and the others move out. How soon can you do that?"
You need the 'how soon' question to put the ball back in her court. Make her come up with a time frame, no longer than 3 months, and hold her to it.
If she puts guilt on you by saying "you need to help if you love us" crap, say you've helped all these times and it's time for her and the others to take care of themselves, pull their own weight. Tell them they lived on their own before, they can live on their own again. You can only help for so long. It's time you take care of your own husband and child.
Are your family illegals?
In my state, a 13 month old cannot be in the same bedroom of the parents. They must have a room to themselves or with a sibling. You must get them all out. Those who are adults can find a place together sharing rent. Mom and teens can get another one. Mom can get a job so can the teens, after school and on weekends.
I am surprised you have gotten away with this this long. Have Mom go to Social Services for help in getting housing. Those teens could be taken from her if under 18.
What about: how can you word your request so that your mother takes it seriously and starts to act on it? She's outstayed her original welcome by eighteen months, so it's not like it will dawn on her that perhaps she shouldn't be taking advantage of you and your husband. But if you were able to harden your heart and tell her to leave, effectively, surely you'd already have done it?
To me, the question is not so much what should you do, but what should your mother do and how can she be helped (and made, to be blunt about it) to make a start on it?
Your mother is still responsible for four minor children. She suffers from depression, and I don't take that lightly; but that doesn't make it okay for her to sit by passively and let this chaos continue. What can be done to get her back on track? Is she seeing a therapist, are there any professionals involved in her care or support?
It’s like throwing up. You may feel better afterwards but you don’t look forward to doing it.
No my family are not illegals which unfortunately I think makes this situation sadder. My dad is but none of us are.
I am ashamed that this has taken me this long to realize I have the right to say something here. No my husband has not left me because he is a saint. We haven’t had the best of luck with family as you can see. We didn’t even realize how long and deep this would go on.
This is our reality, sadly, and we are doing something about it this week, I am mentally preparing myself for these next awkward 30 days.
Thank you to the person who gave me examples of How to open the conversation I’ll be using One of those examples.
Thank you ALL honestly, this has made me realize how mentally unhealthy my how family really is and why I always felt like I was different “mentality wise” I’m also going to tell them to seek help like my husband and I did.
I will keep you guys posted. God bless!
I’ll bet you’ll have NO problems asserting yourself after this! 😛
Good luck! And enjoy the fruits of newlywed life WITH PRIVACY.
Best of luck having The Talk with your mom. Stay strong and lay down the law. Keep us posted, we all care
that many people living in the small apartment you have is quite illegal. Every state draws the line at two people per bedroom + 1 (baby). You are so far over that limit that you will get evicted when the landlord finds out. That landlord could be hit with huge daily fines if you all remain there. If you are in subsidized housing...the housing authority could evict all of you.
so...in writing...notify the family (post it on the door) that they are required to move by November 30th. You must do this in writing because it is the only process the court will accept. If you end up going to court.you must notify in writing first!!! So just start with a writing notice so that step is done and over. Remaining there with you is illegal. Make this a formal notice. That is, write in it a totally matter fact manner. You will seek the court to evict them. Anyone remaining on Dec 1st will be evicted. On dec. 1st....go to the county court house and file to evict. Naming each and everyone. If you are too confused about how to do that, contact the local legal help.
since you allowed them to move in, and they are getting a free ride, do not expect them to go easy. They have been evicted before and didn’t care...so, this is going to be rough for you (anyone dealing with them). You and hubby must stand together on this and support each other as you find your backbone and get them out.
btw...worriedincal...I have been a landlord for more than 40 years....there is NO federal law that prohibits states and cities from enforcing occupancy limits that are reasonable....2 people per bedroom +1.