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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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You can talk to the admins of the facility for ideas as they have to help people do this all the time. You may need to tell him a therapeutic fib, like "we have to live somewhere else for a while because the electric (or gas) in the house has to be fixed" etc. If he has memory impairment he won't remember what you told him so not sure the story has to be elaborate.
May it go easily for him and I wish you peace in your heart at doing this difficult thing.
This might depend on how much he understands. For the moment. Keep in mind no matter what you say he may "forget" what you have said. You can start with his doctor telling both of you that for safety he should be moved into a MC facility. You might even want to call this a Respite stay....that then extends to full time. The staff at the MC facility know how to help manage new residents. He will be confused. He most likely will decline right after a move. (Any transition, illness can cause a decline) This will not be easy on him nor will it be easy for you.
Making the decision to move someone to a facility that can manage their care is never easy. Probably one of the most difficult decisions other than end of life decisions. But if you have reached this point it is probably for safety. Yours or his. And safety is not just physical but mental, and emotional as well. And please do not let anyone tell you that they would never place their LO in a "nursing home" no one has any idea what you do, what you are going through. Placing him he will have care 24/7 he will be in a place that is safe and secure.
It's best if you don't give them any prior notice, because it will just upset them. Whatever you tell them won't be remembered very long anyway, but they will remember being upset and will keep asking you about it.
We did all the packing and room setup while another family member took Mom out for several hours. When the MC room was set up, I texted the family member to bring her to the memory care.
I met her at the entrance to the building and said "The doctor wants you to stay here for a little while for some special physical therapy". She had already been doing physical therapy for her leg, so this made sense to her.
I then quickly introduced her to the MC nurse who was waiting with me already pre-prepared with the "special physical therapy" story. The nurse was very upbeat and friendly, which put my mom at ease. (They've done this routine many times.)
The MC nurse then introduced her to some of the other MC staff, and I faded into the background without any goodbyes or fanfare that would've been upsetting to her.
The first few visits were hard, but things improved with each visit. I stuck with the same story "The doctor wants you to stay here for a little while for some special physical therapy" each time she asked when she could go home. I would then distract her with something pleasant like family pictures or a treat she likes. I kept the first few visits short and always timed my departure when a mealtime was starting. You can always ask a staff member to help you distract your loved one when you leave.
A couple months in, she was doing better physically and mentally than she had at home with 24/7 caregivers. She now has made friends in MC and takes part in most of the activities. It was definitely the right decision to move her to MC.
She now has a life in MC doing failure-free activities she enjoys. At home, she was just a shut-in. I can now give her a hug goodbye without any drama.
I did not say anything to my Mom until she asked where we were going. Then we told her to a nice apartment where she is going to meet new people and mske friends.
The staff at the hospital told mom she would be moving to memory care. I went and picked her up and took her and got her settled in. Two relatives went with me which helped. I asked her what she wanted for her room and have slowly added things to make her more comfortable. I also let her know which days I would visit so she would be looking forward to those.
My mom has mild/moderate Alz and we moved her into assisted living last June. The assisted living facility has a memory care unit but she is not ready for that. There is a woman in memory care whose husband lived there with her at least initially. When my mom was checking in, we weren't super clear about the nature of the facility and told her she was going to give it a tryout--which was true. She thought it was a hotel and kept asking when she was checking out. That was last June. She does still ask when she is going home but not as frequently. Even if we did have that sincere heart to heart with her, she wouldn't remember it. Because of that we feel there is no point in getting her upset. The staff was very helpful. They wanted to have a little welcoming ceremony for her but we thought it would send the wrong message. Most of the residents in assisted living do not have cognitive issues, so that would have been nice for them.
A lot of answers are similar to my mom's story. She was a happy dementia and made friends easily. Her old friends from back home were disappearing anyways.
Tell your husband that the house requires work that will take awhile, so you will be living elsewhere until work is completed. Just do not say how long until he can move back to your home. I like what Geaton 777 mentioned about "fibbing". Depending on his dementia condition, he can make new friends while living in his "new home".
While he is adjusting, go for your professional help.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
May it go easily for him and I wish you peace in your heart at doing this difficult thing.
You can start with his doctor telling both of you that for safety he should be moved into a MC facility.
You might even want to call this a Respite stay....that then extends to full time.
The staff at the MC facility know how to help manage new residents.
He will be confused.
He most likely will decline right after a move. (Any transition, illness can cause a decline)
This will not be easy on him nor will it be easy for you.
Making the decision to move someone to a facility that can manage their care is never easy. Probably one of the most difficult decisions other than end of life decisions. But if you have reached this point it is probably for safety. Yours or his. And safety is not just physical but mental, and emotional as well.
And please do not let anyone tell you that they would never place their LO in a "nursing home" no one has any idea what you do, what you are going through. Placing him he will have care 24/7 he will be in a place that is safe and secure.
We did all the packing and room setup while another family member took Mom out for several hours. When the MC room was set up, I texted the family member to bring her to the memory care.
I met her at the entrance to the building and said "The doctor wants you to stay here for a little while for some special physical therapy". She had already been doing physical therapy for her leg, so this made sense to her.
I then quickly introduced her to the MC nurse who was waiting with me already pre-prepared with the "special physical therapy" story. The nurse was very upbeat and friendly, which put my mom at ease. (They've done this routine many times.)
The MC nurse then introduced her to some of the other MC staff, and I faded into the background without any goodbyes or fanfare that would've been upsetting to her.
The first few visits were hard, but things improved with each visit. I stuck with the same story "The doctor wants you to stay here for a little while for some special physical therapy" each time she asked when she could go home. I would then distract her with something pleasant like family pictures or a treat she likes. I kept the first few visits short and always timed my departure when a mealtime was starting. You can always ask a staff member to help you distract your loved one when you leave.
A couple months in, she was doing better physically and mentally than she had at home with 24/7 caregivers. She now has made friends in MC and takes part in most of the activities. It was definitely the right decision to move her to MC.
She now has a life in MC doing failure-free activities she enjoys. At home, she was just a shut-in. I can now give her a hug goodbye without any drama.
When my mom was checking in, we weren't super clear about the nature of the facility and told her she was going to give it a tryout--which was true. She thought it was a hotel and kept asking when she was checking out. That was last June. She does still ask when she is going home but not as frequently. Even if we did have that sincere heart to heart with her, she wouldn't remember it. Because of that we feel there is no point in getting her upset.
The staff was very helpful. They wanted to have a little welcoming ceremony for her but we thought it would send the wrong message. Most of the residents in assisted living do not have cognitive issues, so that would have been nice for them.
While he is adjusting, go for your professional help.