My Mom is 93. I live with her. My brother and his family live down the road. My Mom is upset with me that I am not going to do a lot of decorations this year. She wants her huge Christmas tree up. She thought that she had decorated last year. She has not decorated a Christmas tree in 5 years. I used to love Christmas but she has made it more difficult with what she wants. How do I tell her that I will not be doing all the decorations, the cleaning or the cooking that she is expecting? Christmas was always my favorite holiday but it isn't anymore because I am expected to clean, cook and decorate. Please, someone, tell me what I can say to her to make her understand that I want some joy in this holiday, too.
We use to get a fresh cut tree for Christmas. Now I use a 3 foot tree made out of Christmas colorful glass balls, very light weight (got it on sale after the holidays). I place the tree in a bay window. We use to buy the already "cooked dinners" from the grocery store (had to pre-order). Now it is whatever we feel like eating. Ok, I do get frozen holiday pies that one just cooks, and maybe a box of holiday cookies. I do have a can of pine tree smell :)
Christmas cards? Now I have the labels/addresses set up in my computer to print out. My handwriting isn't that great any more so the labels are helpful.
Yeah, the price looks high but you don't have to do all the shopping or cooking.
Get a small pre lit tree and set that up.
For years I was the one that got the tree from the attic, I was the one that set it up, I was the one that decorated it, then I was the one that took all the decorations off, took apart the tree, packed back into the box and dragged it back to the attic.
After my husband started trying to eat the decorations cuz they looked like candy or fruits I said that's it no more.
Ya know I don't miss it. Although now I have no husband to eat the decorations I do have a cat that would try to climb it and a dog that would "christen" it! So I still don't set up a tree. I do minimal decorations and am happy with what I do.
Keep telling mom, Oh, I'll get to the decorations next week.
And do yourself a favor, for a present to yourself hire cleaning people to come in and do a cleaning that takes care of the cleaning aspect of your holiday.
I agree, don't say anything to Mom. Just let her talk, first of all its not even Christmas yet. Don't stress yourself out.
Every year middle of January my mom has a huge set back. Because of all she did. This year that week Ill be on a plane , gone for ten days. My brothers are going to have to deal with moms after Christmas set back.
I've tried for 4 years to fix this , every year same darn thing. This year I throw the towel in , and what ever happens happens, but I'm not helping any more than I want to help. I've got my own things to do
It really makes Christmas stink!!!
Mom will tell me , I have no doctors appointment in January, I say I'm sure you will have lots after you get so worked up for Christmas, and she gives me a look, then come January and here we go again.
I have two prelit tabletop trees , one 3 foot one in the family room which I put ornaments on , and a two foot prelit in the dining room that I leave bare .
Both were from Amazon , complete with lights on them and burlap around the base . Just plug it in
Order a meal you can reheat , put a movie on .
I agree with others that you don't discuss it with her when she starts haranging you. You do what you feel willing and able to do. You can fend her off by distracting her or changing the subject. Take her for a drive to see the pretty Christmas lights locally. Have her decorate cookies or make chain garland or cut paper snow flakes. I hope you have a peaceful holiday together.
You don't convince her of anything; we never do.
You simply do it as you must do it and that is that.
Where did this new thing come from that we are responsible for our parents happiness and that old age has ANYTHING to do WHATSOEVER with happiness in general. Old age is about loss. It is about memory and trying to be as contented as you are able knowing your life is draining away. This isn't a happy time and I assure you of that as an 82 year old. And you have gone from DD to caregiver. Responsible for EVERYTHING and with no thanks for it.
This is simple. This will be what it must be for YOUR sake. It has nothing to do with her, her choice, her happiness, or really the onus and burden that Holidays and their "happy-all-the-time" burden puts upon half the populace every year.