Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Do you have POA? Does she have Dementia. You may just need to be very honest. Mom, you cannot live on your own. You need surgery and it will be awhile before you can get around. You cannot live on your own anymore.
I live in NJ. Taxes are outrageous. The cost of upkeep is expensive. She needs to understand that she just can't afford to live here anymore. If my DH passes before me, I will not stay in my home. It will be sold and I will move to a nice apartment.
Are your mom's mental health issues being managed by a geriatric psychiatrist? That might be a good place to start getting her some help.
You most likely won't get her to agree to go to AL. What many here have done is get their elder to the hospital after a fall or illness. Once there, you talk to the social workers about the fact that she cannot return to your home because there isn't anyone to provide adequate care for her.
Have you tried hiring home health aides (with her funds, of course) to give you some time off?
You are saying that the issue is mental illness. By cognitive problems do you mean dementia? Has she had any testing? Do you have POA, and more importantly, do you WANT it, because I cannot imagine that task from another state. You may need to have wellness checks done by APS in your area. There may come a point when state needs to assume guardianship if you don't want to assume it; I certainly cannot imagine trying to do it.
Paula, when your Mom says she "wants to go home" she is referring to her childhood home back in the days when she was a child and life was simple. That way of thinking is very common for someone who has dementia.
Your Mom probably would need a Memory Care facility as she wouldn't be accepted for Independent Living. If your Mom sells her house [she could sell it "as is"] and use the equity to pay for such a living arrangement. My Dad was paying around $7k per month for Memory Care and he was quite happy there.
If your Mom cannot budget for Memory Care, then she could apply for Medicaid [which is different than Medicare] and Medicaid would pay for her to live in a Nursing Home.
I couldn't get my own Mom to downsize and move into a senior facility. As many of us here on the forum, we had to wait for a medical emergency where 911 is called, and from the hospital Mom would be placed in a Nursing Home. The main problem would be that she would be placed in a facility that had an open bed, there would be no picking of what facility.
It might be better for your Mom to move into a facility in her area in New Jersey, where she is familiar with everything around her. Example, when she watches the TV news, street names will be familiar, along with the News Anchors. Any abrupt changes only makes the dementia worse. Just food for thought.
"Your Mom probably would need a Memory Care facility as she wouldn't be accepted for Independent Living."
This is not always true. I know a high functioning senior with a fully documented, court documented case of dementia plus personality disorders. She moves around well on her own and can carry a conversation, and she had no trouble being accepted to 5 different assisted living facilities (not that she has lived in all 5. She was accepted in a few that were not chosen). We were told that most residents of assisted living have some level of dementia. They only move them to memory care when it progresses to the point of needing constant supervision.
If your senior is high functioning even despite dementia, and many are as dementia can take years to progress, don't believe that your only option is memory care. Definitely look for facilities that have memory care in addition to assisted living, but talk to the individual facilities. Some here say memory care is best, regardless, and I'm not arguing that. But know that this is not one size fits all.
There is no way, unless Mom has family in NJ, that you can care for Mom long distance. Where I live, I put my Mom in the best of the 3 NHs. It was nice, but not great. My Mom was taken good care of but...I was there every other day to check on her. They need someone to advocate for them. The facility needs to know someone is watching.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I live in NJ. Taxes are outrageous. The cost of upkeep is expensive. She needs to understand that she just can't afford to live here anymore. If my DH passes before me, I will not stay in my home. It will be sold and I will move to a nice apartment.
Are your mom's mental health issues being managed by a geriatric psychiatrist? That might be a good place to start getting her some help.
You most likely won't get her to agree to go to AL. What many here have done is get their elder to the hospital after a fall or illness. Once there, you talk to the social workers about the fact that she cannot return to your home because there isn't anyone to provide adequate care for her.
Have you tried hiring home health aides (with her funds, of course) to give you some time off?
Your Mom probably would need a Memory Care facility as she wouldn't be accepted for Independent Living. If your Mom sells her house [she could sell it "as is"] and use the equity to pay for such a living arrangement. My Dad was paying around $7k per month for Memory Care and he was quite happy there.
If your Mom cannot budget for Memory Care, then she could apply for Medicaid [which is different than Medicare] and Medicaid would pay for her to live in a Nursing Home.
I couldn't get my own Mom to downsize and move into a senior facility. As many of us here on the forum, we had to wait for a medical emergency where 911 is called, and from the hospital Mom would be placed in a Nursing Home. The main problem would be that she would be placed in a facility that had an open bed, there would be no picking of what facility.
It might be better for your Mom to move into a facility in her area in New Jersey, where she is familiar with everything around her. Example, when she watches the TV news, street names will be familiar, along with the News Anchors. Any abrupt changes only makes the dementia worse. Just food for thought.
This is not always true. I know a high functioning senior with a fully documented, court documented case of dementia plus personality disorders. She moves around well on her own and can carry a conversation, and she had no trouble being accepted to 5 different assisted living facilities (not that she has lived in all 5. She was accepted in a few that were not chosen). We were told that most residents of assisted living have some level of dementia. They only move them to memory care when it progresses to the point of needing constant supervision.
If your senior is high functioning even despite dementia, and many are as dementia can take years to progress, don't believe that your only option is memory care. Definitely look for facilities that have memory care in addition to assisted living, but talk to the individual facilities. Some here say memory care is best, regardless, and I'm not arguing that. But know that this is not one size fits all.
Doesn't WANT to be in assisted living. OK.
But is not sufficiently independent to live alone. OK.
So therefore NEEDS some form of assisted living.
Can she understand that wanting something & needing are different?
Some after repeated conversations will get it. Say well I don't WANT to... but I guess I will HAVE to..
Others are stubborn & will fight til the very end (often their own demise of misadventure).
Setting up a professional, eg Doctor, Councillor, Social Worker to go over the options with can really help.
What have you tried so far?