Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
You cope by giving him patience, understanding and compassion, and by putting yourself in his shoes. How would you be if you lived in constant pain? I'm sure it's no fun. Would you feel like being intimate when you're in constant pain? I'm guessing not. I'm hoping he's seeing a good pain doctor along with a therapist for his issues and perhaps you might want to talk to a therapist as well to try and put things in a better perspective. And while it may be normal to want to leave sometimes, might I suggest instead that you start doing more things with your girlfriends, volunteer at a charity of your choice, take some exercise classes at the gym or find things that bring you joy, just to give you a break from what you're dealing with at home. You might just be surprised how that will help with your perspective, and give you the strength to carry on. As you already know I'm sure that married life isn't all fun and games. We must take the good with the bad. That's what us married folks vowed to do, so hang in there. You're stronger than you know, and with God's help you can do anything. May God bless you and keep you.
Your profile says: I am 62 care for my husband who has diabetes neuropathy and is in constant pain no intimacy because it hurts.don’t know how to cope married 36 yearsDint know if I can do this anymore so depressed because he is a good man
How do you cope with a sexless marriage? You just do. Or you look elsewhere for sex which for me would be a deal breaker in a marriage. Or you get a toy & learn to pleasure yourself. Your husband is a 'good man who's in constant pain' so you can't expect him to want to engage in gymnastics in the bedroom. Hopefully he has a pain management doctor but even then, pain isn't always well managed; I know, I live with constant pain myself.
Sometimes situations change in a marriage when we get older and can no longer perform as we were once able to. That's life. Is it wonderful? No, not at all, but it often comes with the territory as disease & other issues take over. What if it were you who was in constant pain & your husband was writing this post? What steps would you take to make him feel loved w/o actual intercourse taking place? Affection & love can be shown in multiple ways; through touch, actions, words & deeds.
If you are lonely, join a book club or go out to lunch regularly with your friends. If you leave a good man due to his chronic pain & inability to please you sexually, you may wind up even lonelier than you are now. I suggest you find ways to engage with HIM now that will bring you both some more mutual satisfaction. If you can't accomplish that at all, then maybe you should consider divorce.
Wishing you the best of luck and your husband to find help with his chronic pain management.
You seem to have wonderful insight into what the cause of the irritability is. If your hubby is having inadequately addressed pain then there is a way to try to address that. First of all talk to him about his pain. What it is, where it is, and what you both have tried, what the doctor has tried. Get your thoughts together and go together to the doctor to tell him that the fact he is in so much pain is changing his very life in every aspect, and your own as well. There are so many ways to share intimacy and affection. Some include gentle massage and touching, and you might consider starting there if he is open to that approach. Simply searching what's on Prime and Netflix with a bowl of popcorn and hand holding is intimacy as well. Forgive me if this is already tried long ago, but first talk to your hubby. Don't make it about you, but about him. If you mention yourself tell him you are frustrated that he is in pain and there is nothing you can do for him, no way to bring him joy. If he tells you he just wants to be "LEFT ALONE" (and this can happen with depression and chronic pain), then tell him you are there for him, and want to help if he thinks of a way you can. Then try to find your own resources, be it a good True Crime show or a good book, a knitting class. I sure am sorry and wish you the very best.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm hoping he's seeing a good pain doctor along with a therapist for his issues and perhaps you might want to talk to a therapist as well to try and put things in a better perspective.
And while it may be normal to want to leave sometimes, might I suggest instead that you start doing more things with your girlfriends, volunteer at a charity of your choice, take some exercise classes at the gym or find things that bring you joy, just to give you a break from what you're dealing with at home. You might just be surprised how that will help with your perspective, and give you the strength to carry on.
As you already know I'm sure that married life isn't all fun and games. We must take the good with the bad. That's what us married folks vowed to do, so hang in there. You're stronger than you know, and with God's help you can do anything.
May God bless you and keep you.
I am 62 care for my husband who has diabetes neuropathy and is in constant pain no intimacy because it hurts.don’t know how to cope married 36 yearsDint know if I can do this anymore so depressed because he is a good man
How do you cope with a sexless marriage? You just do. Or you look elsewhere for sex which for me would be a deal breaker in a marriage. Or you get a toy & learn to pleasure yourself. Your husband is a 'good man who's in constant pain' so you can't expect him to want to engage in gymnastics in the bedroom. Hopefully he has a pain management doctor but even then, pain isn't always well managed; I know, I live with constant pain myself.
Sometimes situations change in a marriage when we get older and can no longer perform as we were once able to. That's life. Is it wonderful? No, not at all, but it often comes with the territory as disease & other issues take over. What if it were you who was in constant pain & your husband was writing this post? What steps would you take to make him feel loved w/o actual intercourse taking place? Affection & love can be shown in multiple ways; through touch, actions, words & deeds.
If you are lonely, join a book club or go out to lunch regularly with your friends. If you leave a good man due to his chronic pain & inability to please you sexually, you may wind up even lonelier than you are now. I suggest you find ways to engage with HIM now that will bring you both some more mutual satisfaction. If you can't accomplish that at all, then maybe you should consider divorce.
Wishing you the best of luck and your husband to find help with his chronic pain management.
There are so many ways to share intimacy and affection. Some include gentle massage and touching, and you might consider starting there if he is open to that approach. Simply searching what's on Prime and Netflix with a bowl of popcorn and hand holding is intimacy as well.
Forgive me if this is already tried long ago, but first talk to your hubby. Don't make it about you, but about him. If you mention yourself tell him you are frustrated that he is in pain and there is nothing you can do for him, no way to bring him joy. If he tells you he just wants to be "LEFT ALONE" (and this can happen with depression and chronic pain), then tell him you are there for him, and want to help if he thinks of a way you can. Then try to find your own resources, be it a good True Crime show or a good book, a knitting class. I sure am sorry and wish you the very best.