While leaving him at daycare this morning, I was getting the walker out of the car, turned to see him with his pants around his knees preparing to relieve himself. Grabbed him and yelled "NO!" and pulled up pants. We were in the parking lot adjacent to a children's park. I was afraid of someone calling police for indecent exposure. Spoke to his caregiver later and he said it had happened on his watch also. He is a high functioning ALZ patient but has lost this inhibition. What should I be doing to control this behavior?
Let me first apologize to Wobbly for making such a general comment on a post with a very specific question. There are a lot of great suggestions from responders, so hopefully things will work out. Fingers crossed!
You are both absolutely correct that there may very well be situations that are simply not within the capability of a person with advanced dementia. However, I do feel that simply not taking a person with advanced dementia out in public anymore is a bit extreme. In this specific case, I do think there are solutions that will work so that the loved one can still function within societal norms without having to be isolated.
Granted, it is HARD work for a caregiver to find solutions that work, but my hope is that we will all do our best to try.
- Adaptive clothing.
I found the nightgowns easy for mom & staff - hope this helps
When you take your partner out, you can dress him in a Depends underneath a Onesie garment you can purchase on Amazon. Look for incontinence garments or onesies in a search.
Good luck!
I even saw some pants that velcro in the back. It may not be a 100% solution but it may slow him down so you have time to react. My mother was taking all of her clothes off at night and peeing in bed. She never could figure out the jumpsuits.
I was bob tailing a 3 axle tractor and was between the spare tire and the stack. Nothing could be seen. Gave me a lecture. I said, “Why don’t you ticket the Hippies that stand right out there in front of God and everybody and let fly? Cause they have no money? Not worth the effort?” He took umbrage at my simple question and said, “If you say even one more word I’ll write you for indecent exposure!!!!!!!” My lips became instantly sealed.
He may be at the point now where he should NOT be taken out in public.
Let's all try to remember that dementia (be it Alzheimer's, Lewy body, vascular, or mixed) is a PHYSICAL disease of the brain. As caregivers, we have accepted the responsibility of helping the person with dementia function to the best of their ability within society, not to just isolate them.
Sorry... I tend to be a bit emotional about this because I've had several family members suffer from AD.
Adding suspenders might prevent him from dropping "trou" in the middle of wherever you are.
You might also want to notify the police department that he has been diagnosed so if there is a report they will know that it is not the act of a pedophile but one with Alzheimer's. (also a good idea in case he ever wanders they know this is a vulnerable adult and will search for him differently than a typical search....oh and do not wait "the TV 24 hours" to report a missing person)
Loosing inhibitions is very common and you learn to work around some of the problems.
By the way yelling won't help, it might scare him also embarrasses him just a quiet no and pull the pants back up.
I think one of the best/funniest responses I had was from a friend who suggested I walk away and pretend I don't know him. No, before you jump on me, it's not under consideration. I'l learn how to anticipate before the next event. Let's face it, It never happens, till it happens. And that is how we learn.
Thank you
Maybe carry a towel in the car that you can use to shield him from someone seeing more then they want.
I know it feels huge for you, but it is not a big deal in the grand scheme of this nasty disease. My grandmother thought that the brown recliner was a tree and the green shag carpet was the grass and it was the perfect hidey spot to go pee. She would shoosh me and say don't tell anyone I am peeing behind the tree. It is so sad, but funny when you think about how their minds are finding solutions to real needs.
One thing that I would caution, for your safety. Physically strong and able does not make him high functioning. My grandmother was strong as an ox, but her mind was gone. She beat up 6 nurses because she thought they stole her false teeth. Just a heads up about physical abilities vs mental capacity. It was hard to translate that grandma was sick because she looked fine.
With AD, you lose the front part of your brain first. The deeper, more primal part of the brain is last to go, so it's not uncommon to see a lack of inhibition. Our societal norms teach us that it's wrong to pee wherever you feel like it, but our base instinct is to "pee if you gotta."
I would not worry about any action being taken against you or your partner. I would suggest, as did Isthisrealyreal, to take preemptive measures and pee before you leave. Someone with incontinence AND dementia (mild or otherwise) definitely needs some reminding. Make it a routine: Time to leave for daycare = time to pee.
Cheers!
Maybe some irate person throwing a fit, but I think that our 1st responders are pretty compassionate towards mentally compromised seniors. It would be different if he was behaving perverted towards anyone.
Some cultures think nothing of pizzing in public or non gender communal toilets.
I would have him toilet before you head out, that would probably help with the urgency that would produce this behavior.
I am so jealous that guys can just whip it out and go, just a small corner and all done. I have a bladder problem and there are times that I wouldn't care if someone saw my backside, sure beats wet britches. I have seen more public restrooms than anyone should be subjected to in their life time.
Hope that you are able to find a solution for this situation.
There are also adult garments that button in the back that prevent the person wearing it from disrobing. You can find them online. If you do this, you might have to transition to a certain toileting schedule and Depends, though. I'd certainly discuss it with his doctor. It could be a medication that is causing sudden urgency.
His high functioning has just LOWERED...
When everyone knows that part... His functioning just lowered... Now what do you do? You need to protect him and also the public... Most importantly, you need to protect him...
You need to talk to his social worker or the caregivers involved.. What is next for your partner? You need to protect him.