I am crying a lot lately and wishing that I was not even here. It's so frustrating. I wish that I could do things that I like instead of constant caregiving and babysitting. Cousin always has somewhere to go, so Aunty and I have to look after her kids (11 years old and 19 months). The kids' other grandma is away, so our amount of babysitting has increased until she returns. Aunty yells a lot if I do something with the baby that she disagrees with; she's from the "let him do whatever he wants" school, where I am a little more cautious because I worry about him hurting himself. The 11-year-old is not much help because he tries to avoid the baby while the baby screams to be around him, although I understand his need for personal space. He told me that he never gets any privacy at home (his "summer job" is watching the baby while his parents work; dad works days as a group home aide and mom works nights as an E.R. nurse, and his godmother and his dad's mom fill in as needed).It is almost back to school time and I am upset because I will never get to work with kids again.
You seem to be saying they are doing you a favour by allowing you to live with your Aunt so of course you should be cooking and cleaning etc, yet you have stated you gave up paid employment and your independence to move in with her, so who is doing the favours?
I hope you are getting the help you need. I have a tendency to take on everything, put myself behind others, get into unfair situations where you could say I am being used. Please don't feel you are all alone in that! I think it is a personality trait.. for me it is anyway. This is something I am aware of in myself and am trying to work on.
When we get into these situations we just start thinking more and more I HAVE to do XYZ.. without examining.. why. Why do you have to time and again put others over yourself..could there be any alternatives or solutions? You shouldn't have to put your life completely on hold.
I know its hard to set boundaries and put yourself first for once. You are worth so much more than you are giving yourself credit. Your health and happiness matter just as much as your aunts or your cousin.. believe it! Don't let this take over your life!
Maybe we need a workshop on how to set boundaries.. I know I would sign up! :)
As for the 11 yr old, I mentioned before that it is inappropriate for him to be babysitting a toddler while his parents work. I am glad you are willing to help out sometimes, but cousin needs to own up to parenthood and PAY for appropriate care when she is out.
And I agree with KatieKay - we need a workshop on setting boundaries...
And when you attempt to get yourself to the doctor to discuss these issues, family pressures don't allow you to go. Hmmm. Very interesting. They have apparently reinstated slavery in whatever state you live in. You are "allowed" to live there but must do the world THEY want you to without regard to what you want.
That's what it looks like from here. Maybe you can retell this tale so that it doesn't sound like you're being abused.
In my corner of the world, I would tell you that you need to find a therapist to undo the damage that has been done to your ego. You might need antidepressants to help you, short term. But your family should be shunned and shamed for using you.
Your Aunt is only "independent " because you are there. Something you need to keep in mind.
See All Answers