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I have been seeing some changes in my mom and when I came across this page and I read some stories it seems like she has signs of dementia and maybe some other thing. I am starting to get more worried because now she has started to tear down a wall in the home because she sasy it smells like poop. When me or my sis visit her she checks our tattoos to make sure it's us. She says there's 8 ladies that look like me. She doesn't live by herself but my dad tries not to be at the house for long because she will pick a fight with him. I have tried to talk to her about seeing a dr but she refuses. I even tried to tell her we are over due for a women's check up to see what she says but she refuses to go. How can I get her help without her consent? Tearing down a wall?? That is not normal at all. It seems like it's getting worse.

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Does your mother have a regular doctor, someone she would recognise if the doctor were to speak to her?
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roblesac Mar 2021
No she does not have a doctor. I've tried to talk to her I even tried telling her just to go with me so I can get a check up and she can be my support. I can not get her out that house.
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You and your Sister will have to sit down with your father and discuss all this, and come to some conclusions about what to do. This truly is not your problem; it is your father's problem. If he chooses to ignore it, then it looks like the house may fall down round him, but there is little YOU can do about THAT.
No folks in white horses will be trotting up. Your Dad will have to see to getting a diagnosis for your mother, and they will not be able to be dependent on your and your sister, who I assume have your own lives to deal with.
You might contact your Counsel on Aging folks for some guidance, you and your sister. If things get very much worse you may consider a report to APS, telling them that your Dad will not address this at all and you feel helpless as to what you can do, what you limitations are.
I sure do wish you luck. Start by speaking together and getting a "game plan" and then approach your Dad.
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It would be helpful to know her age. You may need to have your father (or you) to employ a "therapeutic fib" to get her to the doctor... "Medicare now requires an annual physical to receive your medical insurance benefits" or whatever it takes. Someone will need to go with her, with a pre-written note discretely passed to the staff outlining the behavioral concerns you are seeing in her and requesting they do a test for UTI and cognition. The medical staff will be happy to comply. At that appointment try to have her designate one of you as her medical representative (on the HIPAA form). This gives the doctor a way to legally discuss your mom's test results with you and you can pass on actionable information about her to the doctor.

If she makes any threats to her husband or anyone in the home, call 911 and request an ambulance. They may take her to the ER and you may be able to request these tests while she's there. Are you aware if she takes any medication? She may be under- or over-dosing and thus having these behaviors. I wish you much success in helping sort things out for her.
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