My mother is 65 years old. To me shes too young to be the way she is but I do accept that she has changed to be someone else. My mother has mental issues bi polar, depression, dementia, schizophrenia and heart issues. She lives with my 22 year old brother that has a disability, cebral palsy and she has her husband. We have been working on getting POA for a while but there seems like there is no more time for it.
She's acting out badly. She nags for cigarettes.... it's a never ending nagging that her husband sleeps in living room. He usually gives in just to make her stop. ( I know that's not good but he has to get up at 4am) her nagging is awful that brother locks himself in his room. She would call 911 for cigarettes or gowns. If she doesn't get what she wants she hits you. She falls, shes using diapers, she can't take care of herself. I came to visit to try some clothes on but I couldn't. She was dirty. I asked her if she took a shower and she said yes. (you might think she needs a caregiver) She doesnt have a caregiver because she fault with two of them already. I take her to her doctor's visits and she opens the door and tries to jump out. (Sorry but I couldn't get the child locks to work) now it's becoming too overwhelming.
My brother wants to go on with his life and I don't blame him. He can't leave cause she's not ok to be on her own. Her husband doesn't have a green card so we're thinking he can't make decisions for her. No she will not go to a home willing. We're so lost and don't know what to do. It's getting worse.
If mom is competent, she is entitled to make her own (bad) decisions.
Your brother CAN leave, but he should inform APS that she is a vulnerable adult.
Who is saying he can't?
Himself? (By some idea of unfounded guilt) Mother? (She has no right to insist an adult offspring is her carer) or you? (as you feel he lives there & should stay).
Would you consider putting him up until he could get better sorted?
A Social Worker would be useful to help work out his needs, help connect him to services & work out his own longer term living arrangements.
Your Mother lives with her Husband.
Your Brother is entitled to live his own life & live where he chooses.
my guess is she is his PAYEE
Q do you think your Mother is a danger to herself? (self-harm, self-neglect)
Q is she a danger to others?
Q do you suspect abuse or neglect form her Husband?
If yes to any with absolute urgency, call EMS.
Is yes to any (but not time critical), please call APS to investigate.