How do I get my sister removed (in Wisconsin) as healthcare Power of Attorney for my mother and get myself appointed?
Asking for a friend:
I am the financial power of attorney & my sister is the healthcare power of attorney for our elderly mother who is in a subpar nursing home in Wisconsin. My sister is to visit our mother 4 times a week, take care of helping her go to the toilet, changing her during visits when she needs it, help her clean up, & work to coordinate care with her hospice care, the nursing home staff, etc.. She does not do anything she has agreed to, using excuses as her reasons (I have to go to bed early so I can’t be there to help her get ready for bed. or I can’t do x cuz I get triggered).
When I go to visit our Mom, it’s apparent my sister had not been there as my mom hasn’t been changed in at least a day (I count the Depends & the number hasn’t diminished), she is soaked & sitting in her feces. So it’s up to me to clean her up & I am a small & slight person. When my sister visits, she brings lunch & when it’s over, she leaves an hour or so later, not taking her to the bathroom or checking to see whether she needs to be changed. I visit 4-5 times a week, each time staying 3-5 hours spending time with her, cleaning her up, cleaning the room up, talking to staff, etc. This does not include the time I spend dealing with her finances, buying clothing, personal care products, etc.. My sister has told hospice not to talk with me so I cannot get any info on when they come, how often, or her care. Nor can I get any health care documents from anyone. My sister is now trying to stop the subpar nursing home staff from talking with me.
This has been going on for over 1&1/2 years. She has written in texts & emails, “I’m done with taking care of her.” When I say let me be HCPOA, she refuses as she doesn’t want to lose the monthly ‘gift’ she receives from my mother. If it wasn’t for the money, I doubt she’d visit.
I love our mother & have tried for over 1&1/2 years to engage my sister as a team & do what is in our mother’s best interest. She is argumentative at every suggestion & does nothing, making it all about her own needs. She even refuses to order quality of life health needs like hearing aids cuz she says our mother will just break them & waste money she would get when she dies.
I will no longer let our mother live like this. What do I need to do to get HCPOA? If you can direct me to websites, I’d appreciate it as well.
Thanks in advance for any help you can give.
3 Answers
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Having Medical POA does not mean that sister is suppose to physically take care of Mom. That is the aides job. If they are not doing their job you go to the DON. Is there not another facility u can place Mom?
Medical POA means the person assigned carrys out Moms wishes. That they make decisions on Moms care.
File a complaint with the state if they're neglecting their patients to that extent.
What you need now is a nursing home that does the care they are required to do by law. The interaction of family has allowed them to neglect care they are paid to do and must do by law. Try first to contact the omsbudsman for the home and discuss, but I suspect you will need to try to move mom if the care there is so abysmal. What you are witnessing here is neglect.
Hope you will update us as you move forward.