My mom has three cats, and she has Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome, which is basically a type of dementia but with a chance of improvement. She was diagnosed in March 2020, and she was determined to lack capacity to make her own decisions. She hasn't been home since then, and she's currently in an assisted living facility. I'm her POA, and I've been watching over her three cats for the last year.
She has improved a lot, but her short-term memory isn't good, and she still doesn't understand risky situations (which was a big problem last March). She’s also VERY MEAN. In addition, she hasn't had any responsibility for the last year, as people cook and clean for her, and I take care of her finances. She is now trying to come home, and I'm pretty sure that she will be declared to have capacity.
In fact, she was declared to have capacity during her first evaluation in March 2020, but after her discharge, she immediately drank (her dementia is from drinking), backed her one car into her other car (even though she was medically told that she can't drive), somehow had diarrhea all over the carpet (the spot was HUGE!), there were pills all over the house, and she set TWO kitchen fires, one of which required the whole fire department. All of this happened within four days of her discharge, and these are just the highlights. She went back to the hospital on the fourth day, and she was determined to not have capacity.
The bar for being deemed to HAVE capacity is LOW, and she passed that bar once even when she was a complete disaster in March 2020, so I'm expecting her to pass it now. However, I don't think it will go well, and I don't think she can take care of her cats at all.
Again, the cats have now been in multiple fires, and they have been in a house with a major diarrhea stain (which she couldn't clean up herself, so it sat there for 2 days until I cleaned it). There have been problems with their feeding before March 2020 (because she was constantly drunk and would forget to feed them) and definitely during March 2020 (I filled up all their bowls the day she was discharged, and she threw away their food because she claimed I over fed them, but the she never fed them again). There was also human poo smeared over one of the cat’s food bowls. In addition, her house was broken into in November 2017, and she was so drunk that she slept through it, and one of the cats got out in the cold. Luckily, I was able to find the cat without my mom’s help (she was too drunk). My mom couldn’t ever figure out her alarm system that she got after that, and she’s set it off so many times that the cats are now absolutely terrified of all types of noises (alarms, doorbells, chimes on my phone). She got to the point where she couldn’t even leave the house because her drinking affected her so much, so my sister helped with the vet appointments. The list really goes on and on and on.
I brought one cat to visit her for an HOUR on Christmas Eve, and she initially seemed so happy. However, after about five minutes, my mom lost interest and called her friend and ignored the cat the rest of the time.
In summary, I don’t think she can take care of her cats, but I am more than happy to take on the responsibility. I believe that she’s not okay to come home, and I believe that time will definitely prove that. Actually, the WHOLE family thinks that, so it isn't just me!
Please know that my mom is an extremely stubborn and mean person. For example, I took her car keys in March 2020 after her car accident, and she called the police on me the next day. I explained that she was medically told to not drive, and he didn’t even know what to do with that situation. Therefore, I can see her now calling the cops on me if I just take the cats. With me having a POA, with her current lack of capacity, and with her not being with the cats for a whole year, does anyone know my options? Any advice or thoughts would be helpful, as I just want to protect the cats!
What a hard situation.
Then when she goes home, the cats will not be part of the train wreck that you know is coming.
My former BIL has Paranoid Schizophrenia, when he is hospitalized he does really well, because he does not have to think about anything at all. When he is in the community, he cannot manage to care for himself at all. In the 35+ years that I have known him, he has been on a revolving door to the psych ward, residential care, group, home, and back to the beginning. It is crazy making.
I'm sorry about your former BIL though. I've only been dealing with my mom's situation for 5 years (with the last year being extremely bad), and I'm already exhausted. 35+ years sounds very, very hard.
I would re-home the cats (if possible) then tell her a therapeutic fib, that they became sick (Lyme's disease, kidney failure, whatever) and that they passed. It will just be torture for them to be in her home. I had to re-home two 9-yr old cats overnight when my toddler son was discovered to have asthma triggered by a bad cat allergy. Even PETA would not take them but I was able to give them to a farm couple (they had been indoor/outdoor cats). There are no-kill shelters and rescue places all over the country so hopefully there are some where you live.
If your mom returns home and descends into disaster again, you may want to consider seeking emergency guardianship, or reporting her to APS and allowing the county to become her guardian and taking over her care. I wish you success in dealing with a very trying situation and peace in your heart about all of it.
I'd also look into not accepting her discharge if you have any say in it as her POA. She doesn't have a safe place to be discharged to. If they do it anyway, get someone to remove the spark plug wires on her vehicles if they're still there. It's a little tougher to diagnose than just disconnecting the battery, especially if someone isn't a car person.