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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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More information would be helpful. I assume you've asked him why he's not using it but his answer, if he gives one, is no help.
So, here are a few guesses: Is he alone a lot with no one to urge him to use the walker? Does he have dementia and so forgets to use the walker? Does he just rebel against it for some reason that could be thought of as irrational? Is the walker uncomfortable for him to use, too high, too low, wrong angle? Is he afraid the walker will collapse? Is the walker difficult to use? If it's an older walker, you may want to upgrade. Is he perhaps just at that point where he's too weak for a walker? My father wouldn't use his walker. He preferred his cane. He would not explain why but I think he thought the walker made him look disabled but the cane made him look dapper.
I did add more info. His injury becomes my problem. If he isn't able to understand, I can't just walk away though many days I feel like it. It's a walker especially good for PD patients so is already pretty decked out. Makes no difference. He just doesn't remember to use it
If your husband doesn't remember to use his walker as you say below, then it will be up to you to remind him, and make sure that he's using it. Just put it in front of him, put his hands on the bars and basically show him what he needs to do. When a loved one has any kind of mental decline, it's up to us the caregiver to be their brain(best we can)to help them and try and make their life just a little bit better and easier for them. Or perhaps you can have his doctor order some in home PT for him, to teach him how to use it, even though he still may not remember how after they leave. I wish you the very best.
If this is a 'new' thing, you may need to gently remind him to grab it when he gets up to walk. My mom fought using hers for some time, but now is 100% dependent on it. My MIL opts to shove a kitchen chair around the house as walkers are for "old people". (She's 92). DH told her she looks completely demented, shoving a chair around the house and she got so mad at him.
It takes a minute for an elder to accept this new dynamic and they may require some 'help'--as Funkygrandma says--you kind of have to be his brain for a bit.
My mom did do PT specifically with the walker when she had to start using it. She does not use it correctly--she 'pushes' it--rather than using it for balance, it's like she chasing it around. Hence her posture is awful...but at least she isn't falling so much. We don't say anything anymore. At 92, she's just going to do what she wants, but she doesn't take a step without the walker at hand.
If he forgets to use it it is probably due to the dementia not because he does not want to use it. He just does not realize he needs it. Bottom line with dementia you are "fighting a losing battle" You, as his decision maker has to decide that just maybe 1 of 2 things have to happen. 1. He falls. (many PD patients will die earlier due to a fall) then the inevitable hospital, surgery(?), rehab? and most likely resulting in being confined to a wheelchair. (most dementia patients do not do well with either surgery or rehab) 2. You decide now that he is past the walker and go to wheelchair. This might avoid the fall, surgery, rehab merry-go-round.
You can explain until you are blue in the face but with the dementia he will not comprehend the Cause and Effect of you explaining the why he needs to use a walker. You need to accept that if...not if.. but when he falls... you may not be able to care for him any longer and you will have to find a facility that will meet his needs. That could be Memory Care of a Skilled Nursing facility. (I would also try to make sure other family members are aware of this so when you talk about "putting dad in ______" they are aware that you physically, mentally can not care for him. That it would be unsafe for you to do so. Unsafe for him and unsafe for you.
If he doesn’t have dementia, tell him the following story: my father never wanted a cane or a walker- a man thing. Then one day he decided to walk down the stairs without any assistance and fell and broke his hip. After hip surgery, PT and he never really regained mobility and ended up in a wheelchair. He said “”Let me get this straight, am I supposed to sit on the couch until I die? That’s exactly what happened. if he has dementia, there are devices that could signal you or someone in the home that he is about to stand.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Many a good person's hair has turned white over this kind of issue. Would you like to say a little more about what's happening?
So, here are a few guesses: Is he alone a lot with no one to urge him to use the walker? Does he have dementia and so forgets to use the walker? Does he just rebel against it for some reason that could be thought of as irrational? Is the walker uncomfortable for him to use, too high, too low, wrong angle? Is he afraid the walker will collapse? Is the walker difficult to use? If it's an older walker, you may want to upgrade. Is he perhaps just at that point where he's too weak for a walker? My father wouldn't use his walker. He preferred his cane. He would not explain why but I think he thought the walker made him look disabled but the cane made him look dapper.
When a loved one has any kind of mental decline, it's up to us the caregiver to be their brain(best we can)to help them and try and make their life just a little bit better and easier for them.
Or perhaps you can have his doctor order some in home PT for him, to teach him how to use it, even though he still may not remember how after they leave.
I wish you the very best.
It takes a minute for an elder to accept this new dynamic and they may require some 'help'--as Funkygrandma says--you kind of have to be his brain for a bit.
My mom did do PT specifically with the walker when she had to start using it. She does not use it correctly--she 'pushes' it--rather than using it for balance, it's like she chasing it around. Hence her posture is awful...but at least she isn't falling so much. We don't say anything anymore. At 92, she's just going to do what she wants, but she doesn't take a step without the walker at hand.
Bottom line with dementia you are "fighting a losing battle"
You, as his decision maker has to decide that just maybe 1 of 2 things have to happen.
1. He falls. (many PD patients will die earlier due to a fall) then the inevitable hospital, surgery(?), rehab? and most likely resulting in being confined to a wheelchair. (most dementia patients do not do well with either surgery or rehab)
2. You decide now that he is past the walker and go to wheelchair. This might avoid the fall, surgery, rehab merry-go-round.
You can explain until you are blue in the face but with the dementia he will not comprehend the Cause and Effect of you explaining the why he needs to use a walker.
You need to accept that if...not if.. but when he falls... you may not be able to care for him any longer and you will have to find a facility that will meet his needs. That could be Memory Care of a Skilled Nursing facility. (I would also try to make sure other family members are aware of this so when you talk about "putting dad in ______" they are aware that you physically, mentally can not care for him. That it would be unsafe for you to do so. Unsafe for him and unsafe for you.
My mom was stubborn. The thing I most dislike about our relationship… I became a nag…
you don’t say if your husband has dementia….
if he has dementia, there are devices that could signal you or someone in the home that he is about to stand.