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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I am sorry for your loss. It could be that you're struggling more because you are also grieving your father, or stepfather.
You say that you are caring for someone with dementia. I know, from experience, how difficult it can be to have meaningful interactions with someone who isn't completely in the here and now.
I coped by mostly trying to meet my mum on her level, while sometimes telling her things that were important to me, even though I knew she wouldn't necessarily be able to understand what I was talking about.
I engaged Mum on her level by playing old music that she liked, by showing her pictures she would enjoy, by taking her to a dementia friendly sing along group, and watching old musicals together. Until her final weeks, Mum could answer questions on quizzes, like The Chase and Eggheads, but she couldn't follow storylines and got confused easily.
Some people found her dementia and general decline at odds with her ability to answer difficult questions, including working out sums and the sayings on Catchphrase. Finding the best ways to engage Mum, and understanding which triggers would make her feel confused and agitated so I could avoid them, made our interactions feel more worthwhile.
On the times that Mum was vacant and could barely respond, I just accepted that this was a bad day - it's possible that she'd had TIAs, or an epileptic fit, or just a lack of oxygen to the brain (COPD + smoking + vascular dementia).
I learned to forgive my mum's lack of skills as a mother. Whatever mistakes she made, I know that she did her best and didn't have good role models herself. Nevertheless, I did remind myself, on those occasions that I felt I wasn't doing enough for her, that she hadn't always been there for me. I reminded myself that I was doing my best, like Mum had done, and though not perfect it's sometimes all we can do.
Anytime I saw a sign that Mum was still there, inside this shrunken, old woman, who I hardly recognised, it would make me smile. Even when the last time Mum spoke my name, before she died, was to snap at me, I thought - yep, she's still my mum!
This may not be relevant to your situation, but I think you need to be a little bit more specific about what your actual issues are, with relating to your mum. I hope that you find your way through this.
Sorry for you loss! this is difficult I went through this 4 years ago.
More information is really needed , for me it was difficult because my dad was mean to my mother, I honestly wasn't much of a fan of my father's, and no matter how my dad treated my mom she worshiped him. Still does. It was very difficult to navigate.
Whats your parents age, how's your moms health now, is she in her home?
Some push people away want to be left alone, some don't want to be alone.
Best of luck, this is a transition and never easy of anyone in the family.
We need more information: How old is Mom When did she lose her husband and had they a long and happy relationship Where does mom live/where do you live What is mom's physical and mental health status.
I am caring for someone with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, hearing loss, and stroke.
It's rather impossible to relate to, or have a satisfying relationship with, an elder suffering with dementia and hearing loss, I have found. They can't hear you or understand you, so you're speaking very loudly, then being accused of yelling at them. They can't process your words, so have a hard time understanding you, then start arguing everything you say. There's no magic answer. For me, it was placing my mother in Memory Care Assisted Living where I didn't have to deal with her continuously. We always had a difficult relationship because she was always a difficult woman. Add hearing loss, strokes and dementia into the kettle, and there's a toxic stew nobody wants a bite of. I loved her, but our relationship was better off taken in small doses.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Hadn't read your thorough profile--sorry. Mea Culpa. Dementia is involved here. And there really isn't within that world of dense thickets a clear path in, out, around or through. As Lea says, any hearing deficit is going to complicate this very much. The real question is not so much how to handle this, as there are really only the ways you are almost certainly already attempting. For me the only real question is how long you can live with this when your loved one may need honestly whole shifts of more than one person to help them.
I am so sorry. I hope you stay and read on. You will get a lot of things people have tried, and I think be helped in knowing you are not alone in having no answers other than to expect the unexpected.
jar115: It's extremely difficult when someone suffers from dementia, which in this case is your mother. Continue to show love, especially since she is a recent widow.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It could be that you're struggling more because you are also grieving your father, or stepfather.
You say that you are caring for someone with dementia. I know, from experience, how difficult it can be to have meaningful interactions with someone who isn't completely in the here and now.
I coped by mostly trying to meet my mum on her level, while sometimes telling her things that were important to me, even though I knew she wouldn't necessarily be able to understand what I was talking about.
I engaged Mum on her level by playing old music that she liked, by showing her pictures she would enjoy, by taking her to a dementia friendly sing along group, and watching old musicals together. Until her final weeks, Mum could answer questions on quizzes, like The Chase and Eggheads, but she couldn't follow storylines and got confused easily.
Some people found her dementia and general decline at odds with her ability to answer difficult questions, including working out sums and the sayings on Catchphrase. Finding the best ways to engage Mum, and understanding which triggers would make her feel confused and agitated so I could avoid them, made our interactions feel more worthwhile.
On the times that Mum was vacant and could barely respond, I just accepted that this was a bad day - it's possible that she'd had TIAs, or an epileptic fit, or just a lack of oxygen to the brain (COPD + smoking + vascular dementia).
I learned to forgive my mum's lack of skills as a mother. Whatever mistakes she made, I know that she did her best and didn't have good role models herself. Nevertheless, I did remind myself, on those occasions that I felt I wasn't doing enough for her, that she hadn't always been there for me. I reminded myself that I was doing my best, like Mum had done, and though not perfect it's sometimes all we can do.
Anytime I saw a sign that Mum was still there, inside this shrunken, old woman, who I hardly recognised, it would make me smile. Even when the last time Mum spoke my name, before she died, was to snap at me, I thought - yep, she's still my mum!
This may not be relevant to your situation, but I think you need to be a little bit more specific about what your actual issues are, with relating to your mum.
I hope that you find your way through this.
More information is really needed , for me it was difficult because my dad was mean to my mother, I honestly wasn't much of a fan of my father's, and no matter how my dad treated my mom she worshiped him. Still does. It was very difficult to navigate.
Whats your parents age, how's your moms health now, is she in her home?
Some push people away want to be left alone, some don't want to be alone.
Best of luck, this is a transition and never easy of anyone in the family.
How old is Mom
When did she lose her husband and had they a long and happy relationship
Where does mom live/where do you live
What is mom's physical and mental health status.
thanks.
I am caring for someone with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, hearing loss, and stroke.
It's rather impossible to relate to, or have a satisfying relationship with, an elder suffering with dementia and hearing loss, I have found. They can't hear you or understand you, so you're speaking very loudly, then being accused of yelling at them. They can't process your words, so have a hard time understanding you, then start arguing everything you say. There's no magic answer. For me, it was placing my mother in Memory Care Assisted Living where I didn't have to deal with her continuously. We always had a difficult relationship because she was always a difficult woman. Add hearing loss, strokes and dementia into the kettle, and there's a toxic stew nobody wants a bite of. I loved her, but our relationship was better off taken in small doses.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Dementia is involved here. And there really isn't within that world of dense thickets a clear path in, out, around or through.
As Lea says, any hearing deficit is going to complicate this very much.
The real question is not so much how to handle this, as there are really only the ways you are almost certainly already attempting.
For me the only real question is how long you can live with this when your loved one may need honestly whole shifts of more than one person to help them.
I am so sorry. I hope you stay and read on. You will get a lot of things people have tried, and I think be helped in knowing you are not alone in having no answers other than to expect the unexpected.