How do you deal with the anxiety of paying for care?
I keep running into roadblocks with trying to find options for paying for Mom’s care.... and the anxiety is setting in. I have posted some of this before, but…
The goal is to keep Mom in her home. Since about February, Mom's evening care has been paid for out of her savings account at about $5,000 per month, and we are going to be out of money soon.
Last week, I applied for a home equity loan in her name and she was pre-approved (good news). But, a few days later, I found out that the POA I had set up did not include loans. That was my fault because when I did the POA last year, I didn’t include loans as an option. All I wanted to do was be able to pay bills since she couldn’t add me to her checking account because she didn’t have a valid ID. So, I did the POA. Never having been through this before, I had no idea at that time that we would even have to hire caregivers. So, the HELOC is now on hold, until/unless I get guardianship of person for financial.... to the tune of several thousand dollars.... Or a redo of the financial POA with a physician certifying her incompetent (she can no longer sign her name…). We will probably be out of money by the time that goes through the court system…
Today, I talked to an elder law attorney, and made an appointment for 2 weeks from now... more $$....
Over the phone, I inquired about the Medicaid waiver in order for Mom to stay in her home once her assets are paid down. I was told by several people that there was an 8-year wait list. Well, as it turns out, the State of Maryland put a hold on in-home Medicaid waivers two years ago because the list was too long. The lawyer told me that the only way around it is to go into a nursing home until Medicaid kicks in and then go back home. Then the waiver would kick in.
The lawyer also gave me the name and number of a Case Manager. So, I called her. She seemed very knowledgeable. When I heard her fee, I told her we couldn't afford it....
I feel like it is all on my shoulders, with my siblings letting me do whatever I feel needs to be done. I am the only one who sees the problems and tries to resolve them by making phone calls while I am sitting with Mom... (I am making one of my brother go with me to the appointment with the attorney, though.)
My stomach has been in knots all day after getting all this news, thinking of all the money that has to be put out just to make sure things are right… Worrying about Mom running out of money... And trying to face the fact that Mom may have to go into a nursing home -- not because I cannot take care of her -- but because she has no money...
I really thought by now, she would be bedridden -- after all, a PT told me almost two months ago that Mom probably won’t be walking in 3-4 weeks…Wrong. Even after her last fall 4 weeks ago (and 5 stitches later…), she has been doing surprisingly well.
With Mom being 94, how can anyone even guess how long you need the money to last??
This has been a real learning experience – and one I do not want to go through again…
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In my state - Louisiana- the current state budget does not have the $ to pay for the required state coshare for Medicaid programs. The governors office (D-Edwards) via DHHS sent out a letter last month to abt 40,000 medicaid recipients in LTC programs (AL and NH programs) that as of July, 2018 state funding for Medicaid would cease unless legislators prioritized Medicaid to have it fullly funded in the budget. Legislators were pretty peeved that Governor Edwards did this but he said it needed to be known as families needed to plan.... Their in a dual “special session” & regular session right now up in big Baton Rouge to deal with the massive shortfall of $ due to the clusterF that was the whiz kid Bobby Jindal R-governor years (huge tax cuts and tax abatements along with some less than stellar tax credits programs). But something definite has to be placed by this Monday, 6/4 otherwise no state share of Medicaid paid to facilities starting July. Several NH owners have said that if that happens they will close within months and the fall back is to send residents to ER and let them then become a problem for the state Charity hospital system to deal with.
Aging in America will not be pretty unless there’s a dramatic change in governing.
The midterms are super important.
Unless you’ve dealt with an aging “at need” elder or special needs child, most folks are clueless as to the costs and availability of programs.
Thankfully they saved for these rainy days, but once it started pouring I was wondering how long would all their savings would last.
I also couldn't believe the cost of items like Depends. Good heavens, run through a pack within a week or so. I was cutting out coupons left and right just to save my parents a few dollars.
And the cost of eyeglasses, dentist, and hearing aids that aren't covered by Medicare nor by secondary insurance. Come on guys, this is when our parents need these things on a more frequent basis.
My Dad, after my Mom had passed, was ready to sell their house. Whew, I was Power of Attorney... so on days that my Dad was back in his time machine to the 1940's, I could sign for him. Otherwise he was still able to read house contracts. That equity was a good buffer, but I still worried because I didn't know how long he would live. He came from a very long line of people who even back in the early 1800's lived into their late 90's. My Dad was the same age as your Mom.
I'm assuming your mother has dementia? How serious is it? Could she respond verbally? I have a vague recollection of working for an estate planning attorney who video recorded execution of documents b/c the individual couldn't write, or might have been blind....I just don't remember that much about the situation.
I'm thinking an elder law attorney could prepare a new POA, simple and straight to the point, but thorough, and explain it verbally to your mother for her agreement to sign with an x (with someone guiding her hands), or record the entire session to document that the POA was executed freely.
This isn't the best way to get it done, but it would give you authority to execute legal documents for a HELOC on her behalf.
Are you absolutely sure that the existing POA doesn't give you execution authority for a HELOC? Are there any catch-all provisions allowing you to perform "any necessary acts: to obtain financing, or care for her in other ways?
If there's nothing like that, I think maybe this is a time to call your elected representatives and see if there's anything they can do, like get a waiver from the Medicaid stay so that you can access Medicaid for payment. I'm sure someone could "pull some strings" for you. Or maybe some support from a local tv station (although I really wouldn't want to go public with something like this).
I hope someone else can offer a good suggestion. Sounds like you're really, really "between a rock and a hard place."
Guest, thanks for the insight. As with the signature issue, I was trying to figure out some way that MaPotter could get help, and politicians have been known to sometimes do something for their constituents.
Your points on what's probably become overwhelming in getting on Medicaid are well taken. I think we're heading for a crisis in elder care, sooner rather than later.
I watched part of a good PBS program last night, and plan to post on it separately. The "golden years" are anything but, and with a redirection of priorities that definitely are not humanitarian oriented, care will probably be more challenging, and as you pointed out, people are going to slip through the cracks in the safety nets.
Or maybe they could be recruited to build walls, as it seems as though a certain individual continues to alienate other countries...and who knows? Maybe he'll want to waste billions of dollars building a wall on our northern border.
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