My mother died last nite and I am devastated. She has been sick and suffering in her decline She had an inter-abdominal Pleurex catheter to remove the ascites fluid buildup. Since she came home from hospital with this catheter it had been more of hindrance to her health than beneficial. The nurses kept removing large volumes of fluid which caused her blood pressure to drop super low. At one point 60/40. She had a seizure once. The doc orders were broad ranging. I made numerous calls to docs, radiologist, etc. to find out more specifics. Well, her blood pressure was doing super well last few days and I told at home nurse, that taking fluid for sure was causing low BP. Cardiologist had said so prior as well. What should have been done was to drain for comfort ONLY, my opinion. She was not uncomfortable with the excess fluid. Well yesterday all h#ll broke loose. The stupid nurse said that her stomach felt hard so let's take half a liter. I reluctantly agreed. After she took it out her BP plummeted. I freaked out. Put mom to bed, she told me her stomach hurt. Then she started vomiting shortly thereafter. Long story short, got hospice involved super quickly. My mother continued to vomit and spit up. She was non-stop moaning and flailing all afternoon into evening. The med amount wasn't enough to calm her. Called nurse at 8pm, she gave her dose after dose to calm her. Ativan, Haldol and Morphine. Didn't help the agitation. Gave her more and then some more until she finally was sleeping and calm. It was 11pm by this time. I checked on my mother and her breathing was irregular. She had green foam coming out of her mouth. I kept cleaning it. Then she just stopped breathing. Called 911. Funeral home wheeled her out. That morning she was up alert and ok and now she is dead. Everything happened so quickly. And I was by myself throughout the entire ordeal. I know that she is better off gone now considering all the discomfort and agitation she was feeling but I didn't want it to happen this way. I think her body just couldn't handle the removal of fluid and it brought on some other event that caused the rapid decline. So now I am left heart broken, traumatized, can't stop crying and in shock that she is gone. I lost my father 3 years prior. People tell me to be strong, but guess what, I don't want to be strong. I have been taking care of my mother singlehandedly for some time and I was burnt out. Now she is gone (and after all I have been thru), I have to be strong...I am tired of being strong.
Sending you my deepest condolences, a big hug and a prayer that God grants you peace over the coming days and weeks.
I'm no doctor, but I doubt the removal of a half-liter of fluid caused your mom's end. My dad had liver cancer and they removed anywhere from four to six liters of fluid from him at a time for about a month with no real effect on his BP. Eventually he just stopped swelling up, and we didn't do the draining again. He died about two weeks after the last time.
I have a feeling that everything finally just broke down all at once, and Mom's time had come no matter what. You won't get over this quickly, nor are you required to be strong today or even tomorrow. You've had a terrible shock to your own system, and you'll need time to process it. I promised you, the vision of what you saw yesterday WILL fade from your mind. It will take some time, but it will fade. That's when your strength will begin to return.
Don't feel obligated to deal with anything beyond the absolute must-dos right now. If you're going to have a memorial service, wait a month if you want. There's no required timeline for that sort of thing. The most important thing is to avoid becoming consumed by what you think someone did wrong. Chances are good nothing was done wrong, and you don't have a way of proving it anyway, so try to let that go. It doesn't do you any good, and it just compounds the grief.
Now's the time to care for YOU, so do it.
My sympathies.
My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss.
Please know it's wrong of people to tell you to be strong. You are grieving and mourning your mom and all that you've been through. It's deeply painful and raw.
Take your time and know there are many supports in the community and through church that can help. We are here too. (((hugs)))
My thoughts are with you.
This will probably mess you up for a long time.
And not the grief but the replaying of what happened to your mother over and over in your mind. The guilt that if only you had done this or that or not let the nurse drain the fluid. All those thoughts are normal but know you didnt cause your mother's death.
I wish you peace as you go through the grieving process. And it's ok to fall apart. Putting yourself back together after losing someone you love takes time. And everyone has their own time table in regards to that.
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