My dad is 93 and a WWII veteran diabetic on insulin, who recently had to be hospitalized for a wound resulting from cellulitis in his legs. The hospital referred him to a SNF where he seems to have rapidly declined. He was using a walker when admitted to the hospital and could use it the first day at the facility. Then it seemed he just got worse, with symptoms of gout (later dismissed as arthritis) and recently nausea. He is unable to use his walker and doesn't want to go to PT, so they do his excercises while he is in bed. He is also fully incontinent.
Before being hospitalized, Dad refused to take a shower. He insisted that his military type washing was enough. He refused home health aid for showering, etc. And was adamant that his odor was just how old people smelled.
I am an only child and my mother/his wife died in 1975. I have no grid for the steps that I need to take to make sure that I get the best care for him, and no siblings on which I can depend. In this situation, my spouse is also no help. I am unable to provide the care he needs in my home. I work three days a week and have 90 minute RT commute.
Our resources are very limited, and the funds that Dad has are just enough to pay for funeral expenses, (whenever that day should come) and to pay off his bills.
I have been advised to get him qualified for a Medicaid bed. I do have power of attorney, so I plan to purchase a pre-paid funeral package. While he has received some VA benefits, he does not qualify for full VA services. He had both Medicare and Blue Cross supplemental, but neither will cover nursing home care, when the SNF benefit runs out.
In the meantime, especially since the lock down, he has stopped eating the food at the SNF. I haven't been able to see him, so we talk via cell every day. He tells me that he hates the food and won't eat it. He drinks milk and the rest of the food, he sends it back.
We are originally from KY and he goes in and out mentally, thinking that he still lives there and is just inpatient at the VA hospital in KY.
Any advice, references, and/or tips for any of this is greatly appreciated.
Running in place.
Products like Boost, Ensure and others like it might be an option.
If he is drinking his milk and not eating solid foods there might be another problem. Dental problems would be a guess. Sores in his mouth might also cause pain if he were to try eating solid food.
Would he eat pudding, applesauce, ice cream, oatmeal? If he does then it probably is the hard solid food that is bothering him.
I paid for funeral, I got a marker/headstone since he was a Veteran. VA did not pay funeral costs or any cost involved. I did get a pittance from Social Security (big whoop on that!...and they took back the last check since he died on the 26th!)
But again there is no need to pay for embalming so don't let them bully you into doing that if there is no need.
See if the facility will try supplements like Glucerna, which is better for diabetics. Ask him what he likes as far as flavors go- maybe he prefers highly seasoned food or hot pepper flavors. You could send him Mrs. Dash or hot pepper sauces to try on his food.
You will need to apply for Medicad for him so he will have a bed after his rehab days are through. Check with VA about burial. Since he served he can probably get a military funeral which the military pays for.
Check with the staff to see if he really is not eating any of his food. If he is truly sending back his tray untouched, the staff should have taken action by now. So he may be eating more than he is telling you. Especially if he is on insulin, his food intake should be monitor and insulin adjusted. If he is not eating, then have whoever is in charge of meal service meet with him to find him food he likes.
I hesitate to ask this but as POA, does he have a designated DNR status? Is he considered competent to make that decision or would they be leaving it to you?
thing are provided at no charge but the VA doesn’t actually pay much when it comes to funerals. VA doesn’t pay for anything else. They reimburse some costs but you have to pay out of pocket first and seek reimbursement.
My dad was always telling me garbage to make me worry and feel bad. He was fine, eating, active and social. To hear him tell it, he was in living hell not being fed, unable to do anything and no one to help him. Just a heads up for you that he may be manipulating you.
Call the facility and ask for his weight, ask if he is eating and how he is doing overall. This should be recorded, be sure and note date, time and whom you spoke with, so you have a record of the weight and what that is doing. Losing weight and not eating can be a cause for hospice.
Does your dad understand what is happening, why you can't be there? He may be trying to get you to visit if he doesn't completely get quarantined.