I just had to put my mother into assisted living, and now people are coming out of the wood work calling the home telling them how to take care of her because they don’t think my daughter and I can do it. I might add most these people were not active in her care before.
It does not help that she told everyone I was trying to get rid of her.
My daughter and I and at home caregiver have had to mover her out of her apartment and get her setup at her new home with out help from any of these people, I am afraid they will ask her to find another home if they keep this up, what do I do?
Laugh gently at them when they suggest that you are a less than a caring child .
" Oh, so sorry that you're not on board with the current thinking about how much better it is for elders to be among their peer group, and have their kids visit, as opposed to being carers. I must send you some articles"
They will not tell Mom she has to leave because these people are being Giant Pains. They’re used to dealing with difficult family members. However, if these people visit mom and cause her to become upset, further steps may need to be taken.
If they keep it up you may have to call each person and tell them to please stop calling the AL.
It might be worth writing a letter, printing out copies, and sending it to each of them, explaining why she moved. The letter should also say how common it is for people to hate to move to any sort of care, and how important it is to help them to settle in by telling them that it has been the best option and how nice the place seems to the visitor. You should say how much she values their social contact and how good it has always been for her. You could also give a copy to the AL staff, with a list of the names it has gone to.
‘These people’ are annoying you a great deal, but if they are still your mother’s friends and family members, you don’t really want to cut her off from them. See if you can get them to help, not hinder. It would be best if you can keep them on reasonable terms with both you, your mother and the facility. Swallowing down your understandable reactions now might pay dividends for a long time in the future.
But, if you have POA and Medical POA, you can block any interference from these people with staff. If they give you guff directly I would say "have you all reached a consensus on what is to be done? And have all of you agreed to finance this and do the work that is required to accomplish this?" and "how much are you willing to contribute to a living situation that would suit YOU better?"
Say it sweetly. That will shut them up.
Use a therapeutic fibs & say all medical advice to the home must come from the 1 source YOU - politely say that you welcome any advice but they must give to you to pass on - hint that some things being suggested were done long ago & they need 'to get with the programme' as it is now
These places are used to this sort of thing so ask that they say to the busybodies 'thank you but you must clear this with Jean [you] first'