she wears diapers..but refuses to keep her hiney clean or the toilet..it is covered in poop where she wont clean herself or take a bath..she reeks...im sorry...she acts like she takes a bath..but nither tub has a drop of water in it..she plunders through EVERYTHING and helps herself to anything he wants..then hollers and screams that she didnt take anything.."she doesnt have to steal and doesnt want my things" we have cameras and show her..but she cannot grasp the concept..she says im trying to get rid of her and im not...im here 24-7 with her..her mother died..6months later her husband suddenly passed...they both made her insurance payment on the house she raised her three boys in..when they passed..it didnt get paid..her oldest sons girlfriend caught the house on fire and it burnt the whole roof system..five years later it still sits burnt..shere got her a shed and paid it off..that was 5 years ago.. she had the heater too close to a pile of poopy clothes and they caught on fire..she literally made it out with the clothes on her back...her tiny teacup chihuahua didnt...my boyfriends face got scorched trying to put the fire out...for weeks she asked me where her baby was..s\o id got looking thru the burnt rubble to try to find Diamond...it bout killed me..i couldnt do it anymore..it was too hard...now we moved her in to the kitchen in a hospital bed...weve dealt with the red cross getting her some clothes..she grabs anything she wants in my house and swears its hers..nothing is mine in my own house..she cusses me...i have no life..i clean up nasty stuff..i had to have 2 eye surgeries last yeaqr and my neye still needs something else done to it...i cant see and thats destracting enough..i dont no how much more i can take..i feel useless and worn down..she doesnt do anything here but sit on her ass while i clean..oh she did put the food up night before last...i cooked ham and potato salad..she throwed ham awyn washed bowl without soap..then said she didnt throw it away...i showed her on camera..she said bullshit..thats not her...and raised her cane to hit me...
If you don't do this for yourself, do it for your sight!
Good good luck.
You have been beaten down taking care of this woman. True, she has dementia and needs help---far above what you are capable of giving. If your bf doesn't see this, he needs help himself. He's entrenched in denial.
It is heartbreaking to read your replies to the responses given here.
Please look for a women's shelter and get out of this toxic environment. Please don't give up on yourself. Your self esteem has taken a huge hit and you need help. If nothing else, call a suicide hotline and tell them you have given up. Please don't let this swallow you. Please get help, and you aren't going to find it staying in the quagmire with them.
You have been given some great advice here, so use your remaining power and get out.
Go to your local women's shelter and ask for assistance from the social worker for leaving an abusive relationship, because that is what this is, your boyfriend dumping the care of his mother on you with no compensation, and refusing to place her in a facility or hire in-home caregivers because he wants to keep her disability checks, right? He is certainly not fulfilling his responsibilities as her legal guardian.
The social worker can help you with applying for low-income housing and other benefits, as well as finding employment, so that you can move out of this hellhole situation. You deserve so much better than all this.
Now that she's been violent toward you, expect her to do it again. She could hurt you seriously and then YOU would be the one in the hospital. Are you okay with that? I think not.
Please get out of there! Find somewhere else to live and cease all contact with these people. There is nothing good for you in this situation. I'm very sorry, but you need to get yourself out of it. You have some good suggestions here, and I wish you luck in getting your life back.
He can get her assessed for LTC. Call social services and ask about getting her a court-assigned legal guardian who will then take on the responsibility of her care. I'm assuming she doesn't have a PoA and no one there knows what's going on since no one seems to recognize dementia when it is staring them in the face.
Another strategy is for him to call 911 and tell them she isn't acting like herself and it may have to do with her kidney failure or a UTI. When he's at the ER tell the discharge planner that she's an "unsafe discharge" and she's not cooperating with care at home. Then ask to talk to the hospital social worker about whether she can go directly into a SKF.
If you quit taking care of her and he still wants to be your boyfriend, then he's a decent man. If not, then he's a turd and should be treated as such.
You deserve better.
Read up on dementia. Understand all you can about it.
Get MILs bed out of the kitchen. How can you live with a bed in there??
Apply for Medicaid on her behalf and get her placed in Skilled Nursing care asap.
In the meantime, wash her up yourself.
Clean her hiney yourself.
Get wet wipes to help you.
And Clorox to disinfect.
Do not let her cook, for the love of God.
In the end, it's easier to care for her yourself in the hygiene department than to live with the filth. Dementia patients require it.
If she hits you, call 911 and have her transported to the hospital for a psych evaluation. Then tell the social worker she's an unsafe discharge and needs placement. Begin the Medicaid application process immediately.
Or, move out and tell your boyfriend this mob is above your pay grade. Leave HIM with the thankless job.
Good luck.
This woman needs to be placed in the appropriate facility and out of what sounds like a very disgusting living situation. She no longer has the mental capacity to take care of her personal hygiene, and someone like her son(and not you as she's not your mom) must now accompany her into the bathroom everytime she goes in to clean her up, and also must take her in the shower and wash her up.
That's where a facility comes in as they will have CNA's to do all of that.
The fact that you're allowing not only your boyfriend, but his mother also to use and abuse you in this sick and toxic situation tells me that sadly you don't think very highly of yourself. Because if you did you would NEVER be in this situation to begin with.
If it were me I would move out, and call Adult Protective Services on your way out reporting theses disgusting living conditions that your boyfriend and his mom are living in and let the state take over this woman's care. The state will get her placed and make sure she's receiving the care she now so desperately needs.
You deserve SO much better. I hope you know that.
Also beginning today, your boyfriend or husband, whichever he is, that needs to make plans to move her out. He can put her house up for sale as is, so someone can buy it for the lot. He also needs to apply for her to go to a facility, paid for by Medicaid if necessary once her own money is spent (which sounds like it won't take long).
Who owns the house you are all living in? Do you own it, does he own it, do you own it together, or do you rent? If you rent, whose name or names is the lease in?
The next time she attempts to hit you, or gets violent or threatening, call 911 and ask to have her taken to the ER for a psych evaluation.