He does things that wants to do even if it will hurt others financially down the line or even hurt himself financially (Medicaid lookback - he is 93, and may someday need it). He lies, he obfuscates. When he gets caught, he then turns into a big baby to whoever will listen with his "woe is me" tales of feeling useless and a burden, etc. He really does get himself very worked up. In this way, he tries to deflect any criticism away from him, I believe. People feel sorry for him and then I usually become the bad guy. Is that a personality disorder?
Sounds like my mother. She'll be 93 in January and I've been unsuccessfully trying to diagnose HER mental illness since I was a child and kept a notebook about all of her antics. In case the men in the white coats showed up one day to take her away. They never did show up, and she's only gotten worse over the years.
Best of luck !
I think the question may be broader than "does he have a personality disorder?"
The question is more like "why does Dad do things that are not in his best interest?"
Have you considered having him seen by a geriatric psychiatrist to delve into what might be going on? Might be dementia, might be mental illness of one sort or another, might be Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus--just for a stab from afar. You need to have him evaluated to find out what is amiss.
Also, is this NEW behavior, or has he always deflected responsibility?
In what way are you getting blamed? Are you responsible in some way for his care?
Do you have POA for finances and healthcare? In general, it's not a good thing to take on responsibility for care if you don't have the power to spend money for caregivers/evaluation/ and direct healthcare decisions.
That is EXACTLY like my dad, who is 91. I really have to tip toe around him because I never know what innocent remark is going to set him off. And he really gets set off! Explosively. His main point of view is that he thinks I am assuming he is stupid when I asked for information for Medicaid for my mom so she could have aides or reminded him what he cannot spend money on because of Medicaid. And believe me he tried to color outside the lines! I had to watch his accounts like a hawk and warn people not to lend him money. He does not have dementia or any other cognitive disorder either. I have come to the point of asking myself, do I really need to say or do what I think I need to say or do? The answer many times is no. I just agree with him, whatever he says now even if it is wrong. Just agree, "Yes we need cat food. Thank you for reminding me."
So, you've been tiptoeing around your dad for more than a year. It's time to get him in to see a geripsych.
The person he went to see was a geriatric psychiatrist? With an MD degree?
Or was it a social worker, or licensed mental health counselor?
Do you have an independent report of the findings or just dad's word about what the findings were?
Doesn’t really matter even if you had a revelation concerning his behavior.
What I am curious about is, are you interested in his future? I am not asking what he is interested in. You have explained that he has issues and sounds like he causes you a lot of grief. Sorry about that.
How can we help you to help him, providing that is your desire? Are you just looking to vent? Hey, no judgment if that’s all it is. Most of us have had more than our share to gripe about. Vent away!
He must be a charming person. If he had screwd me in a financial venture I doubt if I would even be talking to him. He sounds like a Con man to me. I know there are filial laws in some states concerning responsibility for parents care but I don't think u would be held responsible if u couldn't afford it or based on the past.
Leave the diagnosis to a professional to do. You’re just speculating. I would want to see a person’s credentials because your dad sounds defensive and will say anything to cover his butt.
You could find a suitable mental healthcare worker and suggest he go for whatever tests you feel are necessary but you can’t force him to do it.
Vent anytime. Try to seek therapy for yourself if you haven’t done so already to find peace for yourself. It takes time to heal after being hurt. Nothing happens overnight.
I hope things improve for you soon.
Try not to let it bother you, ...cuz that's prob what he wants. Sorry to presume that about ur dad,...maybe I'm too cynical. Best wishes!