My 61 year old brother has lived with my mother for the past 14 years, though she has financially supported him and his family for much longer. He is on disability and, boy, does he work the system, he works under the table and receives state benefits. He pays no rent or bills. My mom buys all the food and his cell phone. He sleeps in the only bedroom while my mom sleeps on a recliner in the living room. He refuses to do anything around the house...does not even wash his own dishes or clothes. Absolutely will not mow the yard or take out trash.He is filthy, has even been caught peeing in the kitchen sink and pees in bottles, which are laying in his room, instead of getting up to go to the bathroom. There are mice and bugs in his room. He lays in bed all day smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. My mother will give him money if he asks for it and even if he doesn't. To top this all off his 30 year old son lives in the basement and is just as bad as my brother is. He doesn't have a job and relies on my mother to support him. They both abuse her mentally and emotionally. I've sent Adult Protective Services to her home but because she is aware of what is happening with them and is OK with it there's really nothing they can do. I've called the police on several occasions when I've been there to witness the abuse they pour on her, but since there's no physical abuse they do nothing. If I try to talk to her about the situation she becomes very defensive towards them and very angry with me. I have only scratched the surface of this situation. Anybody out there have any experience with a situation like this. All insight would be appreciated.
Please let it go and move on with your life. She's choosing to live this way. It's painful, I know but there's no sense in giving yourself anxiety so that yet another person's life is wrecked. May you receive peace in your heart as you live your best life without being involved.
If so this is her battle in many respects.
She would have to legally evict both your brother and his son.
If mom is not competent then her POA (if there is one) needs to step in and handle the situation. Again legally evicting both of them.
And if mom would then be left living alone a caregiver would have to be hired to help out. Or mom moves to a facility that can manage her care or she moves in with a relative. The house to be sold to help pay for her care. (unless said relative moves in with her)
If you have proof of abuse either financial (from what you have said your mother is willingly supporting he adult child and grandchild...if she is competent) Or if you have proof of physical, emotional abuse you report it to your States Elder Abuse hotline number or if there is a Senior Center in her area you can go there and they should have a Social Worker that you can report to.
She gives dear brother no more money. If you don't have POA, get her to assign you. Then ask her to allow you to handle her money. You then pay her bills and you can make sure brother gets nothing. You may also be able to evict your brother and son. They will not be able to move in with her because there are restrictions in Senior housing.
Once out, change locks and get the place cleaned up. start eviction of brother and sell it as is. Make sure brother has no excess to Moms bank accts. He and son are just going to need to find a place to live for themselves. Do not let them know where Mom is.
If mom Wants your help to change this, then follow JoAnn's suggestion and move her into a Senior Living apartment which is based on her income, ask her to give you financial POA, and sell her house. That's a lot of work and family drama for you to take on. Do it only if you love being involved in the drama.
If you are POA, you will need to wait for an emergency situation with your mother that includes a hospital admission. Then you immediately declare unsafe discharge and enact the POA duties to ensure her safety. When this occurs immediately get an eldercare attorney to help you with all the nessary documents needed.
Wishing you strength and luck.