How do you respond when yout LO says,'I miss you'?
Everyday I call my mom and every day she she says, “I miss you. When will I see you.” I visit 2-3 times each week, pay bills, call most days, sometime twice.
Sometime I remind her of our last convo, but it doesn’t change the dialogue.
She has a companion (says she doesn’t need an aide as she is very fit physically (age 90).
I was telling her a day (tomorrow or over the weekend) but that takes her into a loop trying to process what day is today and what day I’ll visit.
I also view her security cameras from my phone, I get bleeps for doors and windows and motion in key areas.
Yesterday she showed some awareness, “I miss you all the time but I know you come when you can.” So basically she doesn’t want me to feel bad but she can’t help saying it.
Today I answered “soon”
Thoughts?
8 Answers
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I am quite sure that she isn’t aware of how it makes you feel to hear her say, “I miss you.” on a regular basis.
Actually, I like Beatty’s response of saying , “I miss you too and I will be thinking of you.” That is a very comforting response.
When my mom was in her ‘end of life’ hospice care home. I asked the staff if my mom expected me to be there around the clock. They told me that she did not expect that.
Your mom doesn’t expect any more than you can give. It doesn’t sound like she is a mean person who is laying on a guilt trip with you.
I tend to agree with Beatty. She’s most likely lonely. It may comfort her to hear validation of the love that you feel for her.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
"I'll be thinking of you".
She's lonely or anxious are my guesses. Even bored?
She might not be able to FEEL time.. feel when you last came or what 'soon' means. It must be hard to hang onto the feeling of being loved when memory fades..
Does she attend any senior centre/day care with other people during her week? Would she benefit from being around more people? Relying on just you for all her socialisation needs won't work for either of you.
Visits neighbor 1-2 week
we looked at adult center but was pricey and depressing for her.
my brother sees her most weekdays and works in the basement.
she has close neighbors on a dead end street and she waves and chats with folks most days
I’m there 2-3 weekly and monitor remotely otherwise.
Soon
Later
You could try "a few hours" unless that would get her into a time loop as well.
I like also responding with "I miss you too, I will see you soon"
Visits neighbor 1-2 week
we looked at adult center but was pricey and depressing for her.
my brother sees her most weekdays and works in the basement.
she has close neighbors on a dead end street and she waves and chats with folks most days
I’m there 2-3 weekly and monitor remotely otherwise."........your mother is in a better position than 90% of elders with AD/dementia and you should not feel badly for ANYTHING the woman says to you! Nada. My mother w dementia used to accuse me of hiding her siblings *all dead* in the closets at her Memory Care ALF. Should I have felt badly about that? It would be the same thing as you feeling badly w mom saying she misses you with ALL the visits and ALL the attention she's getting! Its dementia ramblings you're taking to heart when she herself forgot what she said 10 seconds after she said it!
Be happy your mother is entertained, looked after, plays bridge and has friends and children visiting her a continuously. Let yourself off the imaginary hook you've hung yourself on.
If mom gets to the point where she can no longer live alone safely, sell her home and get her placed in Memory Care Assisted Living.