My husband and I have been married 32 years and out of that has been 30 years taking care of one mother, then two mothers and back to one mother. Before the virus mom was going to a adult day care which worked but took an hour and half of my day driving back and for over 3 miles for free pick up. She is now starting to talk to herself because she has no one to talk to. For 15 of those years I took care of the 2 of the in the same household and they did not get along. And my mom never contributed money for bills. When WIL passed, they told mom she needed to pay something. Now it's getting to the point all mom wants to do is spend her money on figureines and not help pay bills, and put up temper tantrums. My mom lost her house because she was to busy going to fast food restaurants and buying food for her and her dog and was not buying her medicines and paying rent so we took her in. 12+ years ago I was laid off and now 24/7 caregiver. So we lost my income and can't get a job because all of mom's dr.s appointments (she can't drive anymore). So now with this virus all she does is cry 75% of the day crying woe is her. We are getting tired of it. The other day I was in a very dark place and cops came to the door to see if I was ok. Because I emailed my doctor on how bad it was. Since then she gave another medication that is helping. But we decided that mom needs to go somewhere where there are more people to talk to. Because she has used up all her money and we are struggling ourselves, we probably need someplace that will accept Medicaid. How do I break the news to mom and is it hard to get someone into a memory care facility? Early signs of dementia.
I am married 43 years next month and I took care of my parents too. I had mom in my home for 15 years.
It’s definitely a struggle to be a caregiver. Please make arrangements for her to be placed. You can visit her. She will settle in.
My mom was recently placed in an ‘end of life’ hospice facility.
She is completely bed bound with advanced Parkinson’s disease.
She is settling in fine. The nurses are angels.
You will be glad that your mom is receiving the care that she needs and you can reconnect as a couple.
You deserve peace in your lives.
Willingness is good.
Fibs can be our new best friend, if done right!
I'm glad to read a post that states "...we legally can't force them..." My mother was adamant she was fine and refused to consider moving anywhere, least of all AL. EC atty told me we couldn't force her and suggested guardianship. I honestly don't think she would have qualified for guardianship at that point, but it wasn't safe for her to remain in her own place alone anymore. Even if she did qualify, the place chosen for her would not accept "committals."
So, Fibs-R-Us to the rescue! She was madder than a wet hen, but she bought it and went with my brothers (I had done most everything up till then (and since) and told THEM to make the move happen - figured I would get the blame anyway, but for some reason it seem to have worked! She never accused me and never asked me to take her back, only YB.)
Perhaps a NH would require doctor orders. Generally Medicaid pays for NH if it is medically necessary (aka dementia usually isn't enough), but most states do not cover any AL or MC.
I found out that most nursing homes don’t have Memory Care units while most Assisted Livings do. It's a cruel fact that people who have dementia but are somewhat physically capable are seen as too healthy to require skilled nursing care.
The sad part is many with dementia don't qualify for NHs and also can't afford private pay. I am hopeful that if this new bill can get passed, it might help change that situation! There is an allocation in it to make changes to Medicaid and address the elder care situation. It will take time and effort to get it passed and then it will take some time to implement. Meanwhile, those who can't afford to pay are up the creek.
As others noted, typically Medicaid doesn't cover AL and MC, usually only NHs. That becomes an issue because NHs, especially with Medicaid involved, requires the patient to qualify for skilled nursing care. Too often just dementia alone isn't enough. You could start by calling a Medicaid office and asking. Online searches for care facilities will often list what payments are accepted.