My mom had seizures in her brain in July of 2015. She was in a coma or vegative state and in the hospital 3weeks. I stayed with her and slept very very little and ate very little. I loved my mom more than she would ever know. Then we took her home thru hospice. It 5ook her three days to pass away. I slept for 6 hrs the whole 3 days. I passed out by her bed for that. I didn't want 5o be asleep when she left. Even though I told her she could go I didn't want her to. We lost my older brother several years ago to an accident and we had never been the same. Mom and dad had grieved so much. In that 3 weeks she hadn't spoke other than involuntary vocalizations, and hadn't moved her hands. She had opened her eyes as an involuntary nerve movement but didn't respond at all. In the last hour of so of her life I got up to go get a drink and have a quick smoke, but when I tried to let go of her hand she clasped mine. I thought it was my imagination but she did, she pulled me as if to say don't go. In the last minute of her life she muttered something . Over and over with her eyes open and set in a gaze toward the ceiling. Finally she said her last words. She said God, God, and she died. I am a 39 year old man with a wife and 3 kids. I had a job that I had for 11 years now it's gone. I can't remember anything anyone tells me or anything I watch on tv. I don't sleep much, and don't get hungry. My dad is a Vietnam vet and in early stages of dementia. We had to move him in with us. Now Christmas and Thanksgiving. I can't do it any more. I hide in my room and I can't be happy. I can't sit still and I can't relax. I'm ready to give up. To make the whole thing worse a good friend and Co worker named Derrick had his mom die a week before mine. We had been consoling each other. Then a few days after we buried mom he came into work and died. I was ask to pall bear at his funeral and I did. It hurt. I wanted to die too. Still do at times. I'm at the end of my rope. What do I do? How do I get over this? Mom died Sept 16. I'm still hurting as much as then. Thank you for listening. It helps to vent. And thanks for any advice.
Your first responsibility is to your wife and children. How are they coping with dad in the house? Check into grief support groups offered through many churches and hospice have groups as well. Also, check into private counseling to help you work through all of the losses you are dealing with. Stay strong and take care of you.
In the meantime seek out counselling. I know there is free counselling. Check with your hospital or your primary physician. Take care of your physical health. Get up and go outside for a walk. Sometimes just getting up and moving helps.
Don't give up. I know its hard. Trust me.
mom.
Remember Her...
MARY LOU JAGGERS MEREDITH
OCTOBER 8, 1953- AUGUST 16TH, 2015
She would have been proud I found this place and she would've been thankful you all cared enough to reach out. Thanks again.
My heart goes out to you. My own hubby, a big guy about your size, fell to pieces when his dad died. although Dad had been sick with leukemia for years and was definitely not destined for a long life--and despite drs looking my hubby in the eye and saying "Your father has days, only a few, to live"...he kept believing that his dad would once again rally.
The funeral planning took his mind off things...then he had to start dealing with the estate, and that also took his mind off of his dad's death. I stepped in and did WAY more than a DIL should do, but hubby was "frozen"...to this day he has not shed a tear or really shown any emotion about his dad's death. (12 years) I know this isn't healthy. I am very glad you are getting help. Yes, having someone you love die at the holidays is awful. We've gone through that several times.
Do you have a pastor or reverend or someone whose "faith" you trust? I know that my personal belief that this life is only temporary and our loved ones who've passed are just waiting for us...but in another room, so to speak, is of immeasurable comfort. I am sure your mother would not want you to grieve her passing. Try celebrating her life, remembering the good things and embracing the love she left and so obviously instilled in you.
Honestly you will never "get over" this--as you shouldn't. But it will get easier and you will find joy again. You have had a LOT of loss in your life. I think your mom's just knocked the wind out of you.
My oldest child is your age---I wouldn't want her to mourn me gone, but celebrate my life through being a good person herself. I don't know you--but I know how you are feeling. Prayers for you and yours.
My family lives in Clay County KY. I can read your beautiful southern accent between the lines. Mom died a year ago, with me, and was buried in a beautiful cemetery with the rest of her family. My ashes will be sprinkled on her grave when I pass.
It is the circle of life. And it's often painful. You are mourning mom...and you are mourning the loss of your job. And the very recent loss od your friend. Three massive losses at the same time. Depression is made of this. Funny thing about mourning...it recalls so many OTHER losses in our lives. Makes us feel overwhelmed.
It sounds as though you are doing all the right things. Reaching out for your family in economically tough times...looking for support thru hospice...coming here and venting...reaching out to your family...you most surely ARE a strong OL Kentucky boy.
I don't have any profound advice for you except just a few words. When my husband died, I lost my whole life. Everything I knew was thrown up in the air, blown around and strewn around the ground. I wanted to die. I stayed in bed...didn't answer the phone...drank too much -- all the joy had left my life. Every single ounce.
Then I chose life. I got busy. Stayed busy. And every day told myself that, even though I was filled with heartache, I would "act as if" I was happy. Weeks went by. Weeks of losing things, forgetting things, driving past my destination in distraction, and so much more. Then, slowly, those things began to happen less and less. And one day, a few months later, I found myself la-la-la'ing to the radio on my way home from the store. I know that sounds crazy. But that's when I knew I was going to make it.
You will too. And you have some really great reasons to come out the other side. Your kids.
Act As If, my friend. Can't hurt. I think it'll help. God bless.
Just enter it into the search bar above. It is for you.
Grief if called grief work because that is exactly what it IS--work--and work makes us tired. That means that we have to take and make time to rest.
Never let anyone tell you or suggest to you that you "should get over it". We never get over it. Time does NOT make it better but it DOES make it different.
I know that it is hard to believe now but one morning you will waken up and the person/people who have died will not be your first thought.
I worked as a Palliative Care Nurse and an Oncology nurse for many years. My advice to my patients and/or their families was what I found to be helpful for me.
"Talk about your loss/es until you bore your friends. Then talk about your loss/es until you bore yourself. THEN hopefully you can begin to heal." There is no timetable for grief. Each of us works at our own pace and in our own way. This is how we honour our loved ones and how we honour ourselves.
Stay in touch. Many of us really care about each other--and that means you too.
My heart goes out this Thanksgiving to those who have lost a loved one and are spending their first holiday without that person.