My father is diabetic and suffers from dementia, and my mother is unable to walk and suffers from dementia as well. I've been caring for them for the last four years and I have a full-time job. During the time I'm at work, I have people paid to come in and care for them, but after that, it's only me during the evenings and weekends. From time to time on Saturday or Sunday, I have to go out to run errands which may take up to two hours, whether it's shopping or getting take-out, or something else. I usually do this when they're sleeping (which they do a lot). My question is, would leaving them while they're in bed for a few hours constitute abuse or neglect?
My mother doesn't have dementia, doesn't wander off, and can get around with a walker, but the nurses have told me never to leave her alone—to call their office and have them send someone out if I have to leave for any reason. She's experienced no decline since being put on hospice three months ago, and in fact has improved as far as general well-being and mobility. She often asks why I can't go get her something from the store, or some to eat that she's craving, as I have in the past.
Although I'd never leave her alone if I thought she was in danger, it seems to me that the private hospice organization wants to keep in control. I'd like to know if I'm legally bound to never leave alone, even though she seldom needs my help during the day. The reason I'm wondering is because I need to have some legal documents notarized this week, and I find I'm having to jump through hoops trying to arrange it. The bath nurse is always impatiently waiting by the door if I'm gone to the grocery store for more than 22 minutes (I've timed myself with a stopwatch). And the case nurse frequently fails to show up for her once-a-week, thirty minute visit.
I'd also like to know if I'm legally responsible for abuse or neglect even though there doesn't seem to be any more danger involved than one would expect in the course of everyday life. The private hospice organization we're using keeps telling my mother she can cancel hospice at any time, which seems to mean that her condition isn't critical. I'm confused about this legal aspect of caretaking. Anyone know?
I don't know what the legal responsibilities are but the moral responsibilities, I would think, would be to have a back-up plan in case they wake up and need something.
Paula, there are notaries who come to the house so you may want to Google traveling notaries. My parents are homebound and we have had a notary come to the house more than once.
Hope you both get the answers you're looking for.
I guess the real issue is the frustration in knowing you can't do something so simple as to run a short errand without making complex arrangements in advance. It's so tempting to think that if the elder is asleep, you could just run out for a few minutes. But then I think, what if the car breaks down, or there's a power failure, or an earthquake (we live in California). Even if I took the chance, the resultant anxiety probably wouldn't be worth it. :(
24 hour care. But if something would go wrong while they are home alone
and the doctors have certified 24 hour care it could be viewed by an health
care professional or office on aging as neglect. Called their doctors and
fine out this information asap. Be Strong. I know it is not easy.
It would probably be in your best interest to contact an elderly law attorney in
your state. Sometimes the first initial consultation is free. By the way, do you
have the power of attorney for your mother?
Anyway, I solved the immediate problem of getting the documents notarized by running out while the bath nurse was here yesterday. Bath Nurse, looked peeved as usual, but I was only gone for 25 minutes, so she'll just have to deal. Right now I'm deciding to take one day at a time. Leaving my mother alone is so worrisome that it would most likely cancel out any benefit.
Although I hadn't thought about using Skype video. My brother could possibly help out there since he works from home. Great suggestion, 2much2cover!
When Mobility issues, Alzheimer's, Dementia or other Health or Medication related situations that would affect judgment and mobility of an individual are in play, they CANNOT be left by themselves.
By law, the yardstick test they advise is that "an individual has to be able to quickly exit a building under their own power in case of a fire" to be able to be left on their own.
What I would suggest is that if you have the room, you may consider a Live-in Caregiver so you have all the down-time you need to do what you need to do, or if you have to have a Live-out, work out arrangements with the individuals you have during the week for them to come in for a few hours when you need to be out and about during the weekend - or ask a friend, Church Member, etc., to sit with your parents till you get back in.
I highly recommend Live-in caregivers! My family could not have done as much as we could for our Grandparents while attending to our own families and careers without these incredible individuals!
We also found that we saved more in caregiver pays by having live-ins, and we did not have to worry about no-shows as we did when we had live-out caregivers, as all we had to monitor was shift changes between 5 weekday and weekend live-in shift hand-overs, we even had caregivers that worked 24/7 with a couple of days off a month as it fit their needs for housing, and savings.
Keep us posted! All the best!
YOU are the only "adult" here now. My MIL has been in a Memory Care AL since mid-December. We visit 2X/week. Yesterday, my husband remarked (half to himself) that he'd been much too lenient with her during the 14 months she lived with us. What he meant was - he's now seen how the AL facility staff deal with people with dementia: "This is what we're doing now". There is NO choice! - Any more than there would be if they were running a child care center for toddlers.
I know that it's difficult becaue this was your mother, and you want to treat her with respect. But she's not "your mother" any more! She's someone else: someone younger, someone who can't remember what she told you 10 minutes ago or what happened yesterday. Here's an example: last time we saw my MIL, we found that she had been taken to see an eye doctor - without notifying us (we were supposed to meet her there). She had been to the doctor's office, via a van ride, 2 days before. We asked her if she'd gone out to see a doctor. her answer was "No. But I'd like to go out sometime!" LOL!!!!! She WAS out but she couldn't remember! We tell her that we come every other day or more - she can't tell the difference, but it reassures her to think that we visit even more frequently than we do. (We're spending a lot of time now cleaning out the house where she lived for several decades - a process that holds its own horror - since it's become clear that she had dementia for at least a few years before we realized it: e.g. a used/dirty plate stuck back in a pile of clean plates; many things missing (thrown away? given away?); high level of disorganization as evidenced by state of bureau drawers, hutch, kicthen cabinets, etc.)
You MUST take the reins, and do what you have to do to take care of both YOU and HER. I'm sorry to say, but her input on what's needed is no longer relevant, because it is coming from someone who has lost their mind - or some significant part of it.