I moved Mom into assisted living 4 months ago, she is under hospice for chf but in the last month has improved and is doing much better, walking now, off oxygen and eating all her meals in the dining room. This is a premium ALF and it is 5 mins from my home. I have been going to see her every day, I work full time and I must admit I am worn out, Mom always seems to want more..I have been told by the staff I should visit less as there is only myself and my spouse, no other relatives, my husband is getting tired of me being so drained all the time.
When the Head Nurse knows you on sight and smiles, all will be OK.
In these early days you have the chance to try to influence the plan of your care. It sounds like moving closer to relatives willing to help would be a good idea. That your husband is retiring sounds like good timing for a move. This would also give you a chance to find housing best suited to the infirmities you may be facing.
A move would be a major upheaval for your husband. Does he have friends and family where you live? Is he highly social? Golf league, bowling buddies, season tickets to the opera? Moving him away from his support base at a time he will need it most is a big challenge, too.
The two of you need to discuss this possibility thoroughly, and with the firm conviction that this situation is nobody's fault and you both will have strong needs in the upcoming weeks and months and years.
Of course you are scared. I cannot even imagine how scary it would be to get your diagnosis. I know how frightened and frustrated and angry my husband was. You have people who love you, and who want to take care of you. Some will be better able to do that than others, but trust that you are in good hands. At some point your loved ones may need to place you in the care of professionals. I see that my mother is getting excellent care in her nursing home. She was very anxious and scared at first but she is now trusting the family and professionals taking care of her, and she is content.
Please try to dismiss the worry about being a "burden" -- you have enough other things to worry about.
Please post again, starting a new thread, and let us know how you are doing. We care, and we can learn from you!
You and your sister figure out a schedule. Visit just on the weekends. You take Saturday mornings or afternoons for an hour... and your sister take Sunday, or vise versa. Or choose another day during the week. Fuss over her by saying Saturday [or Sunday] will be our time :)
Does the facility offer physical therapy? My Dad use to go to physical therapy every other day, so that was an "activity" he looked forward to going. After lunch he would doze off.
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