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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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When I try to talk to my wife about Independent or Assisted living she equates them to a nursing home, and will not discuss the features and benefits of what's available for us going forward.
Oh,you've got to search on the internet and show the pictures of your finds. Some have wonderful features like gardens and ponds with a community room with fireplaces,not to mention field trips to various places. It's not bad,it's more of a luxury if you can afford it. You have the ability to make your own meals or have them made for you! I'm hoping that you share the advice with her from the people on this forum. Let her read the responses. She's not going to believe it until she gets more knowledge about it. It's a change that is for living a more comfortable life and a safer one. Trips and falls, car accidents and wandering comes with getting older. Why take chances of ending up hospitalized and immobile? You're so kind to be thinking of your life ahead of time! That's love and devotion,God bless you!
Is your W one of the people who think that going to a facility is “going there to die”? If so, perhaps you could ask her if she wants to leave a NH until she really is ‘NH material’, or would she prefer to have some fun first – fewer responsibilities and more fun?
If she is fully stuck in the ‘going there to die’ mindset, you could point out to her that we all want to die in our sleep in our own beds, but it doesn’t often happen. What sort of care she is expecting to be available for her at the end – and in the lead-up to it? Isn’t it good idea to check out all the options well in advance – particularly the enjoyable options?
There are some that will do short term month to month rental, and even come furnished. You could work with that option if you find one. Tell her you can go for a 1 month "trial run". something like that. Some people have made up "therapeutic lies". eg "we need to get some work done on the house and move out for 1 month, lets go here for 1 month.....
About Me I'll be 80 years old next summer and would like as much information as possible with regard to Sr. Independent and Assistant Living! I am a Navy Veteran, and my wife is 79 year old.
Its unreasonable for your wife to equate independent living to a nursing home when you'd have your own apartment! Unless she is suffering from dementia and that's a different kettle of fish. I'd suggest Assisted Living if that's the case, so care is available at all times.
In any event, set up appointments to visit a few places and let your wife have a say in which one she prefers. Maintaining a house is too much at your age, so the move is not open for discussion.
Up top of this page is a section called Find Care, click on it and fill out the information so that someone from A Place For Mom can contact you about senior living options in your area.
You’re very wise to be considering your options and being proactive on this. Many here will envy your attitude. Arrange for visits at places that might interest you and when you’re ready to go, invite your wife along. It is true that many offer a complimentary lunch visit. Hopefully she will take the bait of an outing to visit. Sometimes less talk and more going help. I wish you both well
Do you happen to have any friends or family that live in a senior apartment? I think that’s how my mom got the idea, she was visiting a friend and thought it seemed like something she’d enjoy.
How old are both of you. How are you doing mentally and physically?
I will tell you what I would personally do. I would simply say "Well, we are closing in on the time when we have to make some changes to protect ourselves. And I am going to be looking now at places first of all to see what they are like, what amenities they offer, and etc. And when I think I need to be there for my own safety I will be moving. I hope you will come with me because I love you and want you with me. But the truth is that at some point I won't have a choice. And I want to be as ready as I can. Hope you will come along, Darlin. Will give us something fun to explore. Will give us something new to discuss. But know that beginning of the year I'm going, whether you want to or not, to explore places. Think about it. You are always welcome."
Does your wife have dementia or some sort of cognitive impairment? If that's the case, you won't be able to "convince" her of anything. You would need to say "honey, this is what the plan is" and put it into action.
If she's just one of those people who is stuck in her own way of thinking, take her to lunch at one of the ALs you have in mind.
Is this for the two of you or just her? If it is for both of you, I would ask her to join you in looking at the facilities that you are interested in living.
Goggle assisted living and independent living in your area.
Ask others in your community which ones they like and take some tours. Many will invite you to have lunch at the facility.
Either take her on some virtual tours of the facilities you're thinking about or set up in person appointments to go visit where she can see for herself just how nice some of them can be.
Do some tours of them, especially the independent living ones that can be quite fancy. Some will allow you to have lunch there as part of the tour - if she likes the lunch and amenities she may change her mind. Would you plan to move in there at the same time as her?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm hoping that you share the advice with her from the people on this forum. Let her read the responses. She's not going to believe it until she gets more knowledge about it. It's a change that is for living a more comfortable life and a safer one. Trips and falls, car accidents and wandering comes with getting older. Why take chances of ending up hospitalized and immobile? You're so kind to be thinking of your life ahead of time! That's love and devotion,God bless you!
If she is fully stuck in the ‘going there to die’ mindset, you could point out to her that we all want to die in our sleep in our own beds, but it doesn’t often happen. What sort of care she is expecting to be available for her at the end – and in the lead-up to it? Isn’t it good idea to check out all the options well in advance – particularly the enjoyable options?
Some people have made up "therapeutic lies". eg "we need to get some work done on the house and move out for 1 month, lets go here for 1 month.....
About Me
I'll be 80 years old next summer and would like as much information as possible with regard to Sr. Independent and Assistant Living! I am a Navy Veteran, and my wife is 79 year old.
Its unreasonable for your wife to equate independent living to a nursing home when you'd have your own apartment! Unless she is suffering from dementia and that's a different kettle of fish. I'd suggest Assisted Living if that's the case, so care is available at all times.
In any event, set up appointments to visit a few places and let your wife have a say in which one she prefers. Maintaining a house is too much at your age, so the move is not open for discussion.
Up top of this page is a section called Find Care, click on it and fill out the information so that someone from A Place For Mom can contact you about senior living options in your area.
How are you doing mentally and physically?
I will tell you what I would personally do. I would simply say "Well, we are closing in on the time when we have to make some changes to protect ourselves. And I am going to be looking now at places first of all to see what they are like, what amenities they offer, and etc. And when I think I need to be there for my own safety I will be moving. I hope you will come with me because I love you and want you with me. But the truth is that at some point I won't have a choice. And I want to be as ready as I can.
Hope you will come along, Darlin. Will give us something fun to explore. Will give us something new to discuss. But know that beginning of the year I'm going, whether you want to or not, to explore places. Think about it. You are always welcome."
And that is precisely what I would do.
If she's just one of those people who is stuck in her own way of thinking, take her to lunch at one of the ALs you have in mind.
Goggle assisted living and independent living in your area.
Ask others in your community which ones they like and take some tours.
Many will invite you to have lunch at the facility.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Would you plan to move in there at the same time as her?