How to deal with Dad's anger and blame towards me?
So, if you've been following me, things have taken a turn for the worse... Dad (91, Parkinson's, depression, moderate cognitive issues) has been in assisted living since March (after going to the hospital with blood clots), while stepmom (88, cancer) has continued living at home. Dad has become increasingly concerned that stepmom has been having an affair. He passed out after dinner out at a restaurant last week, and went back to the hospital, diagnosed with low blood pressure and irregular heartbeat. Medical issues stabilized, but mental issues increased dramatically. Now says strangers are living in the house, and called the police to report as such. Became increasingly hostile towards staff (and myself, my brother, stepmom, and stepsister), and is now in a geriatric psych ward (the best in Massachusetts, I'm told--and I'm in Michigan) being diagnosed. Most recent conversations involved him disowning me and requesting I never speak to him or see him again. I know it's the dementia talking--but, of course, despite saying, "I'll remember everything and fix my will" he called again today. Should I even talk to him? Don't think he's seen a psychiatrist yet, and wondering if I should wait for his guidance. Fortunately, I have health care proxy and power of attorney. I have told him he is not 100% physically healthy, and he is there under doctor's orders. I reminded him we had the same conversation three hours earlier. Social worker has said they will look at cutting back his antidepressants and adding anti-anxiety meds, and that there will be more tests. What else can/should I do?
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Generally a stay in a psych ward is to adjust medications in a safe and monitoring setting. Let us all hope that a combination is discovered that keeps Dad comfortable and relieves his stress and that he can return to assisted living.
This is so sad for all concerned. My heart goes out to you all. You are right, of course, that this is the disease and not your Dad's true personality or attitudes.
Unless the medical professionals advise you otherwise, I'd continue talking to him, calmly and reassuringly. Please don't try to remind him that he is repeating himself and that you've had these conversations before. That, too, is part of the disease and he really can't change that.
I'm not sure it is any consolation, but all the behaviors you describe are quite common. It is nothing personal. It is the disease.
Pamstegma: Psych test was done in the hospital, which led to his placement in the psych ward. Don't know if they've done any imaging.
I don't really have any suggestions on the evaluation issue but I wouldn't discontinue contact with your father. I doubt if t would change anything one way or the other but it is possible that he would become aware of minimized contact and turn against you even more.
Just remind yourself of the circumstances and how frightening life must be for your father, and provide whatever kind of support you can.
As to what else you can do, I assume you've already alerted other family members? Perhaps you could have a conference call with them, including anyone in direct contact with the doctors, so that the information can be shared, and all the family members are aware of the situation and its progress (yes, I'm thinking positively).
I wish your family well, and much solace and peace as is possible in this situation.