My mom moved into an independent living apartment community 5 weeks ago. She was excited but during the second weeks big roaches started coming out. The owner acted as if my mother was lying his apartments don’t have bugs. How dare her! He was and still is quite rude about it. The activity director who is supposed to handle concerns and issues thinks bugs are a part of life. I have sprayed and I have gotten them to spray 2 more time but they act as if we are lying but we have kept the dead bugs as proof. The meals are only good about half the time. The activities are a joke.
This seems to be a place for people to survive till they are ready for assisted living. My mom thought she was moving to a community with help and activities but it is not that.
How do we deal with this situation? Is moving again the only option?
The second is the facility. IL is not usually a “community with help and activities”, it’s a place for older people who want to live quite independently. It's like a block of units where you can be sure that no-one aged 20 will be trying to repair a noisy motor bike engine outside in the yard or having a party upstairs. Perhaps AL would indeed be a better fit.
In regards to the other issues, the thin soup considered dinner, the distant activities, the lack of rides... you need to read the lease and their marketing literature to see what is actually promised. You can't act on what was assumed, only what was actually promised in writing. What you describe sounds more like a bad AL facility rather than IL.
Turn this disgusting senior-living facility into every government agency you can think of. Then give every local news station in the area a call. They love a human interest story like this where poor, vulnerable seniors (paying their rent every month) are being neglected, living with insect infestations in the place they pay good money for, and are also getting lousy food. Please call the news stations.
If this independent living community advertises that they provide meals, activities, housekeeping, etc... then they damn well better be providing it. Turn them into everyone.
In some IL/ALs the mid meal is the biggest of the day. Dinner/supper is just something light. But even with a bowl of soup I would think you get bread and a salad.
I have seen those roaches in the south, ew. The problem with spraying only one aot, they scurry to another so you never get rid of them. If Mom's apartment is part of a unit, the whole unit has to be sprayed or bombed. I would call the health dept. Your State Ombudsman.
My mom spoke to the activity director today who explained that no one who lives there wants to be there. Things will not change so complaining will not help the situation. I realized today that if my mom declines to the point of needing assisted living I would not want her there. I do not trust them. They have lied so they can’t be trusted to care for someone who needs that level of care.
While the angry side of me wants to fight with them the reality is my mom does not need to spend the last years of her life in that environment. We will pay the $6000 for her to get out of the lease early and start over somewhere else. Atleast we have learned what we are looking for. We will make sure it is writing this time.
I am going to contact our ombudsman for any suggestions as well as our family attorney. Once she has moved I will write many honest negative review online as I can to warn others and to get a little satisfaction.
Thanks again for the suggestions. This space has helped me figure out our next steps.
My mom's IL (in Westchester, NY) had jewelry making, a stock market club, college students who came and gave talks on the subjects they were majoring in, religious services and trips to Broadway and concerts.
Transportation was available within a 10 mile radius for doc and other appointments.
Have a meeting with the activities director and talk specifics. Mention the things your mom is interested in...crafts, music, whatever. Tell the director that you need to get mom more involved because she is not settling in to her new environment.....
Most folks complain about the food. She's gone from home cooked meals to institution food with no seasoning...drastic change. does your mom have enough money to get door dash once a week from her favorite restaurant? That might break up the monotony.
What kind of help does your mom need? If she needs help with bathing, getting dressed, getting to dinner, etc, assisted living might be a better fit for her.
Leave one day without saying anything to them and don't pay the amount.
Then put a really bad review on Google and threaten to sue them.
They won't ask you for any more money.
Happened to my mom too.
DO NOT STAY. Nothing will get better.
Any facility that has roaches, has them badly in the kitchen. That means she's subjected to potential diseases with the roaches crawling over the food at night.
Don't try Indy or assisted living. They are ALL the same and will promise you the moon, but end up with rats, roaches, and issues. Consider a nice clean apartment complex and hiring help off and on. That's what I did with my Mom. She was really declining until I pulled her out of two different assisted living places.
She's now fixing her own meals, cleaning herself, exercising numerous times a day and no longer has all sorts of diseases. Communal living for older people is not a good idea. best of luck. I would just hire a moving van and move and tell them they can sue you, and you'll sue them back and call the tv stations.
They failed to uphold the contract they signed. They did not provide a clean safe environment for your Mother - so they broke the contract, not you.
Get the advice of an elder care attorney before throwing her money away, please! Also, contact the Health Dept, post a bad review, and contact the Ombudsman for your area.
Elder Care Attorney before rewarding them for breaking their end of the contract!
I spoke with the activity director again. I had another run in with the owner while he was fixing her dish washer. He still did not believe my mom that she had bugs. He literally shined his flash light in the crack between the brick and sheet rock where we have seen the bugs and said there no bugs here. He then told my mom to call him when she sees a bug and he will come take care of it. He thinks bugs would wait on him. If he doesn’t know more than that about bugs then how could they not have bugs in the kitchen. He was rude and disrespectful. I found the information for the ombudsman so I’m going to call today. My mom will be leaving but I need to let someone with power know. I appreciate the motivation. It feels like I can do something.