My mom is a recovering drug addict from heroin but now she takes pain pills. She is very manipulative and plays on the fact that she has health issues. She did not raise us because of her addiction so it is hard for us to be there for her the way she wants us to be.
And who is included in the "us", please?
Did she LOSE her MOM badge by neglecting you all? She may have. Do you and your sibs have an open flow of conversation concerning perceived differences regarding the care she gave, OR DIDN’T GIVE you?
What do you as a group observe as “age related decline”? Does she actively want you to take care of her? Based on the fact that she gave birth to you? Are you all comfortable, or even willing to be participants in her care?
What kinds of “care” does she need? Does she expect financial support from you?
Is SHE in a step program or other addiction management type program? Are her “pain pills” LEGALLY administered by a medical doctor who is aware of her past?
Are you all in agreement when it comes to HOW TO DEAL with her?
Does “dealing with her” include refusing to participate in her “problem” and all of its related issues?
You are (wisely) acknowledging that she is “manipulative”, not a very positive attribute for recovery.
MY THOUGHT? Protect yourself, get to a narc anon meeting, work together as a sibling group. PROTECT YOURSELF. If your safety and your welfare depends on distance and detachment, do what YOU NEED to stay strong and healthy, and “help”, if you believe you can, from a distance.
Seek the advice and support of Nar-Anon. They will give you practical advice and strategies for dealing with your mom.
Good luck!